If you’re southern, and you call around hunting a product, it goes something like this:

“Such-and-such store, this is Do-Lollie, could I hep ye?”

“Good mornin’, it’s Amy at the Co-op, how you doin’?” (nevermind I’ve never met or talked to this person prior)

“Good mornin’, Amy, I’m doin’ alright, other’n this rain, it always makes my hip hurt. How are YEW?”

“Oh, I’m alright. If I’s a pig, I’d be enjoyin’ this mud a little more.”

A chortle. “I heard that. What can I do fer ye?”

“Well, I’s wonderin’ if Bryan was in?”

“Yeah, hang on jest a minute & I’ll git ‘im fer ye.”

“Thank you!”

“Mm-hmm. You have a good day.”

“Hey, you too!”

With that, I am placed on hold. {I can imagine the hollerin’ to the back of the store “Bryan! Line one! It’s Amy!” “Huh?” “Line ONE!” “Ok.”}

“This is Bryan, could I hep ye?”

“Good mornin’ Bryan, how are ye?”

“Well, I ain’t talked to you in a coons age! You doin’ alright?”

“Yeah, how ’bout you? Stayin’ dry?”

“Oh, ain’t it awful? I can’t even let the horses out of the barn, I’m afraid the mud will just suck ’em right down.”

“Shooo. How many you got now? Did you have any damage up at your place at South Fork?”

And so it goes on. Five minutes later, I get down to business, the real purpose of my call.

“You got sledgehammers?”

“Yeah, I do.”

“Now, he’s picky. He’s wantin’ two short handled 10 pounders & one long handled 20 pounder.”

A pause while he ponders this, mentally taking inventory in his brain. “Noooo…now my short handled ones are 3 & four pounds…”

I relay this information to the customer standing in front of me, who is shaking his head. He thanks me & takes his leave.

“Well, thanks anyway Bryan, hope you have a good day.”

“Hey, you too, Amy. Thanks for callin’, good to hear from you.”

“Yeah, don’t be such a stranger. Take it easy!”

“Alright, you too, we’ll see ye.”

“Thanks again.”

“Bye.”

“Bye.”

If you’re from the north, the conversation goes like this:

“Sales, could I hep ye?”

“Yes, I was needing to get some pricing on gates. Farm gates. The type that are silver & have round bars. If I give you the dimensions on the ones I need, can you give me the price? I need to get the prices on a six, eight, twelve, and a sixteen if you have it. And how much are posts? The wooden ones that are round. Do you have quickcrete?’

“Ok, let’s do one at a time. Did you say six footer?”

“Yes, six feet. Then eight, then twel-”

I interrupt, & proceed to give him the prices for everything one at a time.

“Ok, thanks.” And hangs up, concluding the call.

Even on rainy days, they’re in a hurry. 

And yes, both these really happened within fifteen minutes of each other.

And another thing, while I’m on it, it’s “Ap-uh-latch-uh,” not, “Ape-ay-lay-shuh.”  At least, it is if you’re from here, in this part of the “Ap-uh-Latch-yuhs”.