I’ve had a communication problem today.
First, I’m at a lunchtime meeting with my supervisors to discuss horse feed. Before we started, I turned to Lynwood, whom I had been making small talk with about this insane weather we’ve been experiencing.
Me: “What about Buffalo?!?”
Lynwood: “Pardon?”
Me: “What about Buffalo??!”
Lynwood: “Buffalo?” He looks perplexed.
Me: “Yeah, they’ve got like, eight feet of snow!” (Thinking, how did he miss this?!?)
Lynwood, laughing, : “Oh! I thought you wanted to know about buffalo eating Pinnacle feed. I was gonna say we haven’t field tested anything but horses at this time.”
Hardy harhar.
Next, this afternoon, Whitney answers the phone & then turns to ask me, “Do we have a Marine working here?”
Totally out of the blue. But Whit is pretty random, so I just rolled with it.
“Yeah, Brion’s a Marine…and the new guy, Phil…” Thinking of their slogan ‘there are no FORMER Marines. Once a Marine, always a Marine.
I’m getting the bewildered expression for the second time today. “What?” I ask.
“No, not a Marine, MAUReen!”
“Oh. Yeah, she’s at Waynesville.”
Hilarious.
I look a little crazy today. I blame the wind. It’s like those Santa Ana winds that drive people to suicide…mine just drove me to indecision about my jewelry for today. I’m telling everyone I’m going with the Johnny Depp look. Shoulda tied a scarf around my arm too, dang it…
Also, I wore a lipstick shade that is out of character for me (pink–it was the first one I came to), & the wind was whipping this morning & blew my hair in my face. I worked about an hour, walked into the bathroom, & it looked like a cat had scratched me all over my face.
Thanks, coworkers, for the heads up.
While I was sitting in the waiting area of my eye doctor, sans glasses, some wormy guy went walking by, took a double take, stopped, and pulled out his camera. I hopped up & went to the desk, behind the safety of a potted plant. The girls looked at me expectantly.
“I don’t want anything, but there’s a weird guy out there, and if I’m gonna hafta shoot him, I’m gonna need my glasses.”
They quickly handed them over & one of the girls was like, “What’s he doing?”
“Just being weird. I think he was taking my picture. I dunno. I couldn’t see.” (Taking advantage of my disability!!! The SHAME!)
She took a card to go out & help him & he went on his way.
I love my new optometrist. She took this picture & told me to drink gin & tonic for my eye twitch.
I like all the seasons. When I take those mind numbing quizzes on here, I have the hardest time determining which is my favorite, because they all have something to offer. I usually decide spring is my favorite because it’s still a little cool, with warm days interspersed to keep you hopeful. I like watching everything turn green, the smell of mud, and lack of mosquitoes. I appreciate the rain to help crops grow.
I like summer, because it’s nice to spend time outside near water to stay cool. The clothes are more fun, and I like eating alfresco on patios with a margarita in hand at trendy restaurants. It’s nice to walk to the backyard & pick supper. (Vine ripe tomatoes, cucumbers, squash, etc.) Those late afternoon thunderstorms are welcome to help cool everything down & keep from being so parched. Plus, that’s the season that includes my birthday & anniversary, two important holidays.
Fall is probably my second favorite, because of Thanksgiving and wearing cute scarves. I’m ready for a break in the heat & throwing open the windows to let out all the stale air. I like football & hockey games & decorating at the store. I like tromping through the orange leaves & spotting turkey in the fields. It’s perfect weather for horseback riding, too.
I don’t even mind winter so much. I’m fine with snow, so long as I don’t have to drive in it. I like wearing layers to hide my fat legs. All the snakes & creepy crawlies are hibernating. It feels cozy to have a fire, candles lit, something cooking in the crock pot, curled up under a blanket with a highly anticipated book.
But to each season, their own weather. This bizness with snow on November 1st & 18th is ludicrous. When I’ve got snow on my fall decorations, Mother Nature is pushing it.
I’ve been waiting for the perfect day for this one. I am thankful for J. He is so wonderful 🙂 I don’t know how I made it so long without him. He is extremely funny, sometimes so much so that he catches me unaware. He is strong, he performs all the chores that I beg off with the excuse: “I’m a girl…” (i.e. cleaning out gutters, mowing the yard, grilling, landscaping…I’m gonna stop before y’all get some hare-brained idea that I’m lazy 😉 ). He is intelligent, he can carry on a conversation with just about anybody about anything. I don’t have to worry about bringing him to a co-op function-or a political fundraiser, or dinner with people he’s never met, or high school reunion- and having to entertain him, he’s got it. And he looks good doin’ it 😉 He loves animals, I’m sure all of you know about the groundhogs at the Johnson Plantation. He gets along great with my family–better than me, most of the time! Its disgusting!!! 😉 He’s a hard worker, I’ve never known him to miss a day of work. He may complain about the perils of being an electrician, but I know he’s a company man after seeing him work from six in the morning till ten at night (for two weeks!) to get The Island ready for Grand opening. J’s a great cook, too. He’s been holding out on me. He is the newly appointed breakfast maker here. Last but not least, he puts up with me with flying colors. And tells me all the time how beautiful I am, and how sweet, and how lucky he is to have me, and all I can think is how thankful I am to have HIM. Hopefully I didn’t make too many of you gag. But I always thought marriage was going to be dull and I would feel trapped…but its just the opposite. The key must be marrying the right one 🙂 I highly promote it!
I have never set foot inside a Starbucks.
I don’t order sweet tea at restaurants because it isn’t sweet enough.
I cry during the National Anthem. Every time.
I pray during football games about as hard as I pray any other time.
I also cry when we lose.
I cry when we win, too. Go Vols!
Musings for today, November 14th:
1) Do you ever wish for clothes you owned ten years ago? Or, more importantly, that they still fit? I once owned these two great sweaters from B. Moss. They were a loose necked turtleneck type, with this great cable knit weave. Unfortunately, they had wool in them, which, over time, shrunk until they became crop-top sweaters. Hmm.
2) Can you imagine being the guy who discovered the hammerhead shark? Wouldn’t that be freaky?
3) If I was as big as a castle, my digestive system could handle it, and money was no option, I would have the following for lunch from Holston’s: fried pickles, fried green tomatoes, whiskey glazed BBQ burger, Philly cheese steak, smoked turkey club, ribs, cedar planked salmon, deep fried Mississippi catfish, garden salad, and finish with the Mudd cake.
4) sometimes it takes every ounce of my energy not to tell people pets aren’t free. If you can’t afford for your horse to see a veterinarian for a serious eye issue or whatever, then why do you own one (or, in this case, four)? Same for flea control for your dog. It’s cheaper to control fleas than to get rid of them. I mean, crapfire. You owe it to your animals to provide them with a standard of care. You don’t have to give them the very best food & toys, but you do need to give them the basics. And if you smell like you smoke two packs a day & then tell me you can’t afford this, that, & the other, I will judge you pretty harshly. Sorry, not sorry.
What number am I on? Whatever, I had a cappuccino this morning & I’m all jacked up.
As we get older, we require more maintenance. Especially as a woman. In addition to regular dental visits & doctor checkups, you have to get your hair dyed (or at least cut), better skin care products, makeup with better coverage (read:astronomically expensive), nails & pedicures every few weeks, and, what I’m discovering is most important, massages or chiropractic work. After my most unfortunate incident a month ago, I haven’t been able to move my left leg as easily as I would like. Yesterday, that all changed. Jessi is a HEALER! A HEALER, I SAY. Go to Belleza. Tell her what ails you. Prepare to be amazed.
Walked in the door, the house smells like pork roast & woodsmoke, a delicious combination that instantly brought to mind my mamaw’s house. Lightning Bug came charging up the stairs to greet me before I could even set my purse down. Open my package, & it’s my new bracelet!
Life is so much better at home.
Yesterday, I had a hard time all day long. I contribute it to being a Monday, but it was more than that. It started out innocently enough, with my swiss cheese bag that wouldn’t close. You know sometimes how you have trouble? How there’s a little air pocket in the side and it causes it not to be lined up right and screws the whole track up? It was like that. Or so I thought. I started really looking at it after about four tries, and realized the whole blamed zipper side was gone, it was all connected on one side and open. Dang. I didn’t have time to fool with it, so I threw it back in the drawer and away I flew. I made some waffles, and went to pour me a tall glass of milk…and there was none. I knew we were low….evidence of Johnny fixing himself a bowl of cereal in the sink. He NEVER eats cereal before he goes to work. Oh well. A minor inconvenience, right? I drank water. He texts me on his way home that he’s gonna stop for a gallon. Great. I’d already forgotten about it at this point. I get home and awhile later, I hear him in the kitchen grumbling. “What’s wrong?”
He’s pouring milk in the sink, spitting, & looking thoroughly disgusted. “This milk has already gone bad!! I just got it!”
Mayfield 2%, dated November 8th. Yesterday was the 3rd. You remember awhile back when this happened to me, but with Weigel’s brand. But it had been opened a few days.
“Did you drink it?”
“No, look, I noticed it when I was pouring it in my mug.” He proceeds to pour a little more out in the sink. I see a multitude of chunks. GROSS. It didn’t smell that strongly, though. Weird.
“You got your receipt?”
“No, I’m sure I threw it out as soon as I came out the door. I always do, because there’s usually a trash can right there.” It was the gas station on Boyds Creek right there at Deerfield.
“Well, just take it back in the morning. They might remember you.”
“And do what with it all day? It can’t sit in my truck, the new one would go bad. And obviously, I can’t take it after, it would be hot & they’d be like, ‘yeahhh….’ It’s not worth it, it’s just five dollars. I’d spend more in gas. It’s out of the way. The only reason I went that way today is because I went by Floyd’s for that gun oil.”
“Well, I’ll run it by there in the morning. I’ll stick it in the fridge at work. I wish you could find your receipt, though.”
Lo and behold, he came up with it, crammed in between the seat. Miracle of miracles.
So I was fixing baked potatoes & opened the sour cream……
oh no……
Little red dots all over the top. Are you kidding me?!?!? Johnny was gonna have a meltdown.
At least the butter was good.
So this morning, I take off, veering from my traditional route to deal with this milk. After two drug addicts (looked like, anyway) had it out over chocolate doughnuts, and a shady looking character in a suit & beanie got waited on, it was my turn. The dothead (if you’re seeking politically correct posts, you are on the wrong page) couldn’t hardly understand me, but I got my point across & she tells me the milkman came yesterday, that it should be fine now, to open it & smell it before I left. I would have preferred drinking it, but she didn’t offer me a cup, and now I was running late. I saw there was still a few gallons dated 11-8, but I wisely picked one labeled 11-15. It had an odor, but I detected no chunks. She wouldn’t give me my receipt back, but if this was bad, I’d probably just burn her establishment to the ground & be done with it (I’m KIDDING….)I had pretty much decided they were trying to save energy & not keeping their coolers cold enough. I don’t know if Mayfield checks them, but I’m sure if I contacted them they would reinburse me. Anyway, I get to work, pour me a little out, & carefully sip.
It’s ok. Yay.
And that’s the story of the day the dairy went bad. It was a bad day for me.
I could be thankful for a whole host of things today: Sundays off, good books, leftover pot roast & grilled cheese dinner, my cozy monogrammed blanket…but I’m gonna be thankful I’m not Bear Grylls’ wife.
Have you ever watched his show? He is a MANIAC. He eats SCORPIONS. RAW. And rolls around in mud for wildfire protection. And kills rattlesnakes with a stick. And makes rafts from oil barrels & ancient Styrofoam. And sleeps suspended in discarded fishing nets high in the trees. And that’s not all. That’s barely the tip of the iceberg…or should I say glacier….
