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Amy
This is a picture of yet another lunchtime catastrophe. I went to Food City for Sushi Wednesday & was tempted by their olive bar…I thought this was bell peppers & mozzarella balls in garlic sauce. I could not have been more wrong. I bit into what I thought was a delightfully sweet red pepper….and immediately my eyeballs began to sweat. I thought, well, I can fix this by eating a bite of mozza…rella & tried repeatedly stabbing it with my plastic fork. It refused to be impaled. Desperate now, I pick it up with my fingers & popped it in my mouth. It was a plump clove of garlic. Gary is watching all of this transpire from two feet away with a mild expression, much like a cow chewing its cud from the safety of its pasture while the farmer is electrocuted by their fence. I had no water because who needs water with mozzarella salad? I dash to the fridge in the small engine department. Luckily, I had both water & mountain dew stockpiled. I gulped at both as soon as I got the lids off. Shooooweeee!!! I will be more diligent in my shopping next time.  …
Most women, I think, grow up dreaming of having a baby. They think about it all the time, starting with a fantasy about what their husband will look like, where they will meet & fall in love, what type of fairytale princess wedding gown they will wear & the flowers they will carry…then where they will make a home. Depending on their husband’s profession, these women may be envisioning a plush apartment in the city, or a colonial with a picket fence in the suburbs. They may even be aspiring to a grand greek revival mansion on the river. I can identify thus far. But when they start thinking about the little ones…and they’ve got the names picked out & what order they may have them, & how they’ll decorate their bedrooms…well, that’s where my dreams always ended & another one started. As surely y’all know about my proclivity to devouring books, it should come as no surprise that I dreamed of my own library. Walls of books. Stacks & shelves towering on every available surface, too many to count. Books of all types: old, classic, leatherbound editions; mass produced paperback fiction; history books; college textbooks; journals; coffee table photographic books, you name it. I wanted them ALL. I wanted a red wall, & a warm rug, & a leather chair. I wanted a Tiffany lamp & a box of kleenex when emotions were…
Upon returning from lunch, I retrieved from my purse all the essentials for coloring my lips back in & laid them on my desk. I had a few customers walk up, so I was waiting on them & here comes Gary. Not everyone knows Gary, so allow me to paint you a mental picture: Bull in a china shop. Does that do it? Alright, so here he is, hovering. “Did that guy come in & pay for that trailer?” “I don’t know, I just got back from dinner.” “Well, he said he might be in today, or he might wait till next week. He ain’t pickin’ it up till one day next week anyway, here’s his title. It’s an 8×10–” “Let’s write the item number on here, what is it?” I asked, reaching for a pen. “Three-zero…no wait, let’s see…three-seven-zero-zero…hey! Wait a minute! What IS this?!???!” Unbeknownst to me, he had picked up my Clinique lip liner, thinking it was an ink pen. “Gary! That’s my lip liner! Dang!” The customers were hee-hawing & I was too. What a Gomer. Have a nice day…
I am an intact human. My body is reluctant to part with any of its apparatus. I still have my wisdom teeth, tonsils, gall bladder, & appendix. But not for long! February 20th I will be bidding farewell to my wisdom teeth. (I hope I don’t lose my smarts in the process) Naturally, I’m terrified…
Two funerals in two days is too many. It makes you think about your own mortality, that’s for sure. Rex Pitner was killed on his tractor Tuesday evening, but by all accounts he went quickly & doing what he loved. I will miss Rex. He was a big man, which if you judged by looks alone you would think he was easily riled. That was not the case. He had an easy smile & loved to kid me. I dished it right back out. I never saw him angry, which is something, because he was in the stor…e at least twice a week (& despite our best efforts, we typically end up eventually ticking you off one way or another). He never ever ever had an ink pen & always wrote a check. I didn’t mind loaning him my pick-of-the-litter ink pen because he never failed to give it right back. If it hadn’t been disrespectful, I’d have liked to slip one in with him tonight. Hate for him to be unprepared 😉 Happy Trails, Mr. Pitner…
Most of you remember him as “The Mule Man” at Silver Dollar City and later, Dollywood. Somewhere, my mom has a picture of he & I together in front of the mill, me grinning like a mule eating sawbriars. Later, when I came to work at the Co-op, I was astonished when he came walking up to buy sweet feed. I hadn’t thought about him in twenty years, & thought he was long gone to heaven. He was OLD when I was little! But here he was, just acting like a normal person, shopping at th…e local feed & seed. I remember after he left, I was beside myself! I had just been in the presence of a real celebrity!!! Gary & Judy were laughing because he was just a regular mountain man to them, & unbeknownst to me, had lived right over the hill from me “in the valley” years ago (& missed it desperately, as he would tell anybody that asked). Red, indeed, was a regular customer, I came to know soon after. I was always dazzled to wait on him & would engage him in conversation every time I had the opportunity. He worked at The Mine in Governor’s Crossing for awhile & would regale me with stories of the tourists who remembered him from their vacations in years previous, taken with their parents. And now here they were with THEIR kids, & had to have…
Yesterday is evidently known as “Blue Monday” due to the majority of the workforce getting back to the grind after time off from the glittery, glamorous, holidays. Also the realization of how much was spent on said holidays. However, in true procrastinator fashion, today was my Blue Monday. I finally got the last-and largest- of our Christmas trees torn down and stored. It is so depressing. The house is so drab. Johnny, to the contrary, likes it. He’s not a fan of clutter, which technically, I will concur, Christmas creates. That’s the only time of year my library is in a state of disarray. And that makes me a little crazy. Anyway, in addition to my depression over the loss of decorations, I am still puny. I have not put one little toe out into the Polar Vortex today. My book is draaaaaging. And I did not cook. That should tell you something. Pass the kleenex. *putting my blanket over my head…
I’ve always considered my Grandmother a frugal woman. She married, moved out, and built a modest house that she continued to live in the rest of her life. She was not one to give up on a garment simply because it went out of style, or because she’d put on a “little” weight in the thirty years since she purchased it. My Grandmother had three cars the entire time I shared air on this earth with her. She kept towels on the seats to protect the upholstery and plastic floor mats. She left the plastic on her lamps in the living room. Forever. She bought store brand everything but toilet paper and Pledge. (I guess some things are better not scrimped on). I always thought my Grandmother was a thrifty woman. Until tonight. ….there is a commercial starring Marilyn Monroe that played a lot around Christmas. It’s an advertisement for Chanel No. 5. I adore Marilyn Monroe. I always thought I was more a Jackie O. kinda girl until I read biographies about both women. I digress. Anyhoo, I’ve had it in my mind that I would love Chanel No. 5 since I love Marilyn. Johnny started to get me some for Christmas, but when he smelled it at the counter, he wasn’t so sure I would like it. As far as perfumes go, it’s a little pricey, but I’ve always had champagne…
I have turned into an old woman this holiday season. We have acquired (meaning, I bought) a birdfeeder because we’ve been seeing some cute finches & bluebirds hanging around. I’ve spent most of the day peering out, hoping to catch a glimpse of a bird having a snack. Alas, none have stopped by. Maybe they aren’t sure about the pineapple. Also, I have been appalled at the waste that Christmas brings. People (including myself) just bought to be buying. You feel like you have to spend x amount on a person to show your love. What a bunch of crap. That’s why America is in the misery it is now! Stepping off my soapbox. Sorry, I got carried away. For lunch I enjoyed some leftovers accompanied by one of those marvelous chicken pot pies created by the magical people at Banquet frozen foods. They are delicious and filling & only fifty cents!! And finally, my activity today has been rearranging the library to make room for my beautiful cast iron mermaid. I’ll post a picture of her later. So see? I’ve grown old before my time! I should be out in the masses, spending my gift cards! …hahaha, sometimes I crack myself up…
​I am impressed by you people who decorate real trees. They are a horse of a different color. You put an ornament on a real tree branch, it sags. You put one on an el-fako & nothing much happens. And its like the real trees eat the bead garland. I don’t even know what happens to it (or the ribbon- now you see me, now you don’t!) Anyway, Johnny wants a real one next year. We’ll see. He wanted a real one this year too, but neglected to tell me till after all the fake ones had been lugged upstairs, fluffed, & lit. Dang. Anyway, hope everyone is snug as bugs in rugs on this chilly night. Me, I’m wrapped in a lambswool blankie & watching Home Alone for the second time in two days 🙂 I have presents to wrap & dishes to wash but ah, it can wait till after Kevin plants the tarantula on Merv’s face…
