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Amy

Cream Cheese Exposed

So I met this girl the other night while at dinner with Johnny’s friends. I say girl but she was probably my age. Anyway, she doesn’t like cream cheese. This is incomprehensible to me. After she makes the statement, I sit there in shock for a minute and say, “I guess it’s an acquired taste. I didn’t like it till I realized it was in a lot of my favorite dishes. Do you not use it in casseroles?” “I don’t eat casseroles. People hide stuff in them. Like cream cheese.” I look at her husband. He shrugs like, “tell me about it. I’ve been trying to reason with her for years.” “It’s in a lot of desserts, too…do you not eat, like, cheese balls or anything?” I persist. “Nope.”  This all came about because we were at a Japanese restaurant chowing down on sushi. Someone had offered her a portion of theirs and she turned it down because it had cream cheese in it. I’m thinking she lives a very limited existence and studying on all the wonderful things she is missing out on, and how she would probably starve at my house. “Gosh, I can’t imagine. I use cream cheese in lots of stuff. Like, I made lemon bars the other day and used a block.&#8221…

Fake Eyelashes & .38 Bullets

Most of you know today as Pearl Harbor Day. To me, it will always be my Grandmother’s birthday as well. I could always remember it because it fell on a National day of remembrance. She has been gone a little over six years. I miss her, but not as much as I thought I would. My grandmother, a few of you know, was a bit of…how shall I say???…loose cannon? You’re a pistol growing up, and if you achieve adulthood & are still out there tenaciously fighting tooth and nail, you are a warrior. I can tell these stories now that she’s gone. She was married for awhile, but her husband was a bit of a spendthrift (among other things, I gather). Once, he came back to the house for a “chat” & she pulled a gun on him. He scoffed that it wasn’t loaded, and she shot the dirt from under his feet 25 feet away. That was the last time he visited. Oh, I know that .38 pistol well. I pulled it on Johnny one morning when I thought he was an intruder. Luckily, he was expecting it & came through the door hollering, “it’s me, baby, don’t shoot!” I reckon he’s always known me pretty well. I guess the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. She knew me better than anybody. I…

Finding Fault in An Otherwise Perfect Environment

I dearly love Chick-fil-a. Really. Truly, madly, deeply.  But they have massively screwed up with the addition of double drive thru lanes that merge. I sympathize with the pedestrians in the parking lot, as well.  I shoulda went to Frank Allen’s and had a cheeseburger…

It’s the Accent

I’ve had a communication problem today.  First, I’m at a lunchtime meeting with my supervisors to discuss horse feed. Before we started, I turned to Lynwood, whom I had been making small talk with about this insane weather we’ve been experiencing. Me: “What about Buffalo?!?” Lynwood: “Pardon?” Me: “What about Buffalo??!” Lynwood: “Buffalo?” He looks perplexed. Me: “Yeah, they’ve got like, eight feet of snow!” (Thinking, how did he miss this?!?) Lynwood, laughing, : “Oh! I thought you wanted to know about buffalo eating Pinnacle feed. I was gonna say we haven’t field tested anything but horses at this time.”  Hardy harhar. Next, this afternoon, Whitney answers the phone & then turns to ask me, “Do we have a Marine working here?” Totally out of the blue. But Whit is pretty random, so I just rolled with it.  “Yeah, Brion’s a Marine…and the new guy, Phil…” Thinking of their slogan ‘there are no FORMER Marines. Once a Marine, always a Marine. I’m getting the bewildered expression for the second time today. “What?” I ask. “No, not a Marine, MAUReen!” “Oh. Yeah, she’s at Waynesville.” Hilarious…

Accessorize

I look a little crazy today. I blame the wind. It’s like those Santa Ana winds that drive people to suicide…mine just drove me to indecision about my jewelry for today. I’m telling everyone I’m going with the Johnny Depp look. Shoulda tied a scarf around my arm too, dang it… Also, I wore a lipstick shade that is out of character for me (pink–it was the first one I came to), & the wind was whipping this morning & blew my hair in my face. I worked about an hour, walked into the bathroom, & it looked like a cat had scratched me all over my face.  Thanks, coworkers, for the heads up…

The Optometrist

While I was sitting in the waiting area of my eye doctor, sans glasses, some wormy guy went walking by, took a double take, stopped, and pulled out his camera. I hopped up & went to the desk, behind the safety of a potted plant. The girls looked at me expectantly. “I don’t want anything, but there’s a weird guy out there, and if I’m gonna hafta shoot him, I’m gonna need my glasses.” They quickly handed them over & one of the girls was like, “What’s he doing?” “Just being weird. I think he was taking my picture. I dunno. I couldn’t see.” (Taking advantage of my disability!!! The SHAME!) She took a card to go out & help him & he went on his way. I love my new optometrist. She took this picture & told me to drink gin & tonic for my eye twitch…

Seasons Unto Heaven

I like all the seasons. When I take those mind numbing quizzes on here, I have the hardest time determining which is my favorite, because they all have something to offer. I usually decide spring is my favorite because it’s still a little cool, with warm days interspersed to keep you hopeful. I like watching everything turn green, the smell of mud, and lack of mosquitoes. I appreciate the rain to help crops grow. I like summer, because it’s nice to spend time outside near water to stay cool. The clothes are more fun, and I like eating alfresco on patios with a margarita in hand at trendy restaurants. It’s nice to walk to the backyard & pick supper. (Vine ripe tomatoes, cucumbers, squash, etc.) Those late afternoon thunderstorms are welcome to help cool everything down & keep from being so parched. Plus, that’s the season that includes my birthday & anniversary, two important holidays. Fall is probably my second favorite, because of Thanksgiving and wearing cute scarves. I’m ready for a break in the heat & throwing open the windows to let out all the stale air. I like football & hockey games & decorating at the store. I like tromping through the orange leaves & spotting turkey in the fields. It’s perfect weather for horseback riding, too. I don’t even mind winter so much. I’m fine with snow, so long as…

Shugar Shugar

I’ve been waiting for the perfect day for this one. I am thankful for J. He is so wonderful 🙂 I don’t know how I made it so long without him. He is extremely funny, sometimes so much so that he catches me unaware. He is strong, he performs all the chores that I beg off with the excuse: “I’m a girl…” (i.e. cleaning out gutters, mowing the yard, grilling, landscaping…I’m gonna stop before y’all get some hare-brained idea that I’m lazy 😉 ). He is intelligent, he can carry on a conversation with just about anybody about anything. I don’t have to worry about bringing him to a co-op function-or a political fundraiser, or dinner with people he’s never met, or high school reunion- and having to entertain him, he’s got it. And he looks good doin’ it 😉 He loves animals, I’m sure all of you know about the groundhogs at the Johnson Plantation. He gets along great with my family–better than me, most of the time! Its disgusting!!! 😉 He’s a hard worker, I’ve never known him to miss a day of work. He may complain about the perils of being an electrician, but I know he’s a company man after seeing him work from six in the morning till ten at night (for…

Confessions of a southerner

I have never set foot inside a Starbucks. I don’t order sweet tea at restaurants because it isn’t sweet enough. I cry during the National Anthem. Every time. I pray during football games about as hard as I pray any other time. I also cry when we lose. I cry when we win, too. Go Vols…

Wheel of random

Musings for today, November 14th: 1) Do you ever wish for clothes you owned ten years ago? Or, more importantly, that they still fit? I once owned these two great sweaters from B. Moss. They were a loose necked turtleneck type, with this great cable knit weave. Unfortunately, they had wool in them, which, over time, shrunk until they became crop-top sweaters. Hmm. 2) Can you imagine being the guy who discovered the hammerhead shark? Wouldn’t that be freaky? 3) If I was as big as a castle, my digestive system could handle it, and money was no option, I would have the following for lunch from Holston’s: fried pickles, fried green tomatoes, whiskey glazed BBQ burger, Philly cheese steak, smoked turkey club, ribs, cedar planked salmon, deep fried Mississippi catfish, garden salad, and finish with the Mudd cake. 4) sometimes it takes every ounce of my energy not to tell people pets aren’t free. If you can’t afford for your horse to see a veterinarian for a serious eye issue or whatever, then why do you own one (or, in this case, four)? Same for flea control for your dog. It’s cheaper to control fleas than to get rid of them. I mean, crapfire. You owe it to your animals to provide them with a standard of care. You don’t have to give them the very best food & toys, but you do need to give…