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Amy
I My bestie was looking for an epic shout out on my Facebook for her birthday. I’m not feeling especially epic today, but I’ll give it my best shot. Lisa is a Yankee. Like, dyed-in-the-wool of Cincinnati, Ohio. She once called to tell me that Kroger’s had bagels on sale. “Lisa, for the last time. I am from the SOUTH. I don’t eat bagels & cream cheese, I eat biscuits & butter.” I mean, this was just a few years ago. She’s been here since 1994. My first impression of her was not good. She looked like this other girl that had moved here the year previous & turned out to be a total…you know. But Megan’s goal in life was to make friends with every new person who darkened the door of Seymour Middle School, so by association, I was obligated to make nice as well. Turns out, Lisa was just as big a nerd as I was (am). So we’d hang out for days on end during the summer, playing card games, riding horses, & “cooking” (cooking consisted of what Lisa dubbed “drooling sandwiches” due to the content of mayonnaise & mustard). We also dared each other to eat stuff, like expired chocolates from Valentine’s Day with hot sauce on them. We also fancied ourselves quite the photographers. If it wasn’t equally embarrassing to me I would totally post a few. It was much…
I missed my writing challenge yesterday. Day 26: Things You’d Say to an Ex Well, y’all know me, I don’t let no grass grow…to one I’ve said pretty much everything I care to say. Including the infamous note ending with, “p.s. I took the cookie dough, you b@$~*9” To another I would say, “Did it ever cross your mind that you should pay me back?” But to ALL I would say, “Look how happy I am. Maybe if you took some lessons from Shug you could find happiness, too.” I’m not bitter, & I’m not sorry for the experiences I’ve had, but I do feel that I’m where I’m supposed to be. Day27: What You Wore Today I’m pretty dull looking. I wanted to be easily recognizable as a Co-op employee (I would have worn overalls if I had any that fit) so I’m in khaki pants, a navy Co-op collared shirt, & grey (I only spell it gray when I’m describing the sky or inanimate objects. I don’t know why.) tennis shoes. I have on my “perfectly imperfect” bracelet, my crown ring, & hoop earrings from Shug. My hair’s up in a twist, which sounds fancy but it’s not. And, as usual, my heart’s on my sleeve. More on that later…
I would like to poll all the retail people working tonight. I wonder what percentage of them don’t mind being there as opposed to ones who would rather have the day off. Plenty of people work holidays. Surgeons, nurses, policemen, paramedics, firemen, soldiers. Dispatchers. These people actually make a difference. They are the ones who are there for the “big deals” in life, not the “big deals” in possessions. So when they sign on the dotted line, they know that they are making a commitment to be there for someone else. Even though their family would like to have them safe & sound at home, someone else NEEDS them. So they go. They leave what’s important to them & go to work & maybe save a life. I would also like to poll the shoppers tonight. I would ask if they have ever been forced to work on Thanksgiving. I’m just curious. Because it seems like if you’ve ever had to work one– or someone close to you–, you wouldn’t wish it on anyone else. And you wouldn’t support it. But maybe I’m wrong. Maybe I don’t understand how important it is to get your child a game that’s selling for $50 bucks off tonight only. A game that your child will undoubtedly tire of by February. And maybe that child would…
I would like to poll all the retail people working tonight. I wonder what percentage of them don’t mind being there as opposed to ones who would rather have the day off. Plenty of people work holidays. Surgeons, nurses, policemen, paramedics, firemen, soldiers. Dispatchers. These people actually make a difference. They are the ones who are there for the “big deals” in life, not the “big deals” in possessions. So when they sign on the dotted line, they know that they are making a commitment to be there for someone else. Even though their family would like to have them safe & sound at home, someone else NEEDS them. So they go. They leave what’s important to them & go to work & maybe save a life. I would also like to poll the shoppers tonight. I would ask if they have ever been forced to work on Thanksgiving. I’m just curious. Because it seems like if you’ve ever had to work one– or someone close to you–, you wouldn’t wish it on anyone else. And you wouldn’t support it. But maybe I’m wrong. Maybe I don’t understand how important it is to get your child a game that’s selling for $50 bucks off tonight only. A game that your child will undoubtedly tire of by February. And maybe that child would have a monumental memory…
Happy Thanksgiving Eve! For those of you who are told to bring rolls, or just yourself, be thankful. For those of you making cole slaw for the first time, I have advice: reserve one-quarter of the cabbage head in case you screw up & add too much vinegar or salt. Or mayo, but I like mayonnaise, so I don’t see that as a problem. But there ain’t nothin’ nastier than salty cole slaw. For those of you making mashed potatoes: make double what you think you’ll need. And add milk sparingly. It’s hard to cook it out if you add too much. Use salt & butter liberally. For those of you cooking biscuits the secret is prayer. It helps to sift your flour, too, but I believe it really it comes down to your relationship with Jesus. For those of you cooking turkey: cook your bird upside down. I am not joking. It makes the white meat much juicier. My mom discovered this by accident, but it’s the way she always fixed it thereafter. And me too. For all of you, Happy Thanksgiving. May it be relaxing & filling…
Day 25: Four Weird Traits You Have I’m struggling. I feel pretty normal, but that’s what you get when you work in retail. By comparison, I am definitely mild. 1.) Tuletta says I’m weird because I don’t like nuts & that my truck has a name. She says only abnormal people name their trucks. But the guy standing here waiting on the straw blower said everyone he knows is abnormal, then. I asked him what his truck’s name is & it was Wilma. I thought that was great. I asked why Wilma? He says because every mornin’ he goes out & says, “Will my {mah} truck start? Will my truck run? Will my truck stay runnin’ all day?” I polled, & John is in agreement that it is weird I named my truck. 2.) Robin says it’s strange that I’m so straightforward. It is abnormal in the South to tell it like it is, & I always have. Also that I tell the truth. You don’t get a lot of that these days. No worries with me. You get what you ask for-an honest opinion. Sometimes you don’t even have to ask for it. 3.) Tuletta thought of another one—that I underline in books. I underline a LOT. That IS weird. Most people don’t write in books. I make a point to use a pencil. Except in my Bible, I exclusively use a pen…
Day 24: Something You Miss Of all the things I’ve lost, I miss my mind the most. 😉 This specifies “something”, so it can’t be a person. But it could be a person’s LOVE….Hmmm… I miss the unconditional love of my dog. But I love having the unparalleled joy of the Bug now. I miss the innocence of childhood, not having a job other than picking up sticks out of the yard & keeping my room cleaned up. But I am thankful to be grown & appreciate the value of hard work & know how much it takes to spend ten dollars on something frivolous. I miss the days when we weren’t eat up with Yankees & Dotheads. There is no but. I miss when I didn’t have to worry about spots on my skin being cancerous. But I’m glad I’ve lived long enough to have “age spots” & been fortunate enough to be out in the sun long enough to get freckles. I miss reading all day, but I’m thankful I have Shug to occupy my time these days. I miss people telling the truth, & not skirting the issue. But there have always been snakes. I guess I’m glad I’m not naïve anymore…
I’m not doing the challenge provided (a family member you dislike) today. Instead, after prompting from the previous post, I’m going to tell you about the Puerto Rican on a Stick. My family used to be big. And even when it was big, we had more friends than we did family. I was quite old when I came to the realization that several members of my family weren’t family at all. Not by blood, not by marriage, not by nothin’ other than their proximity to us. One of these people is whom I lovingly refer to as the Puerto Rican on a Stick. I don’t know why I thought we were related. I guess because I always knew him. The story goes (what I can get out of anyone, at least) is that he became friends with my uncle Dale somehow, some way, back in the early 1970’s. He lived in New Orleans, so I don’t know how they met. He is very dark skinned, with jet black hair & eyes. Hence the “Puerto Rican”. But he’s not Puerto Rican. He’s Indian, I guess. I don’t honestly know. He had polio when he was very young, & now walks with canes attached to his forearms. Hence the “stick” part. Except to be correct, it should actually be sticks, but that’s not as funny…
I bought this apothecary jar a few days ago to replace the one I broke a month ago to use for this exact purpose: a home for our seashells from the seashore. It had to be super huge because we found some really nice intact shells this go-round. It’s about 12″ across. I have lots of these jars/ vases in smaller sizes around the house. Anyway, so Shug sees it sitting on the table the other night, empty. “You know what would look good in that glass jar thing?” “Ummm, sand & shells?” “No. A whoooooole bunch of peanut M&M’s.” And that, ladies & gentlemen, defines why straight men aren’t interior designers…
Day 22: Your Morning Routine Weekdays obviously vary from weekends. Weekdays I get up between 5:30-6. Pour a cup of coffee & settle down to read emails, texts from night before, notifications on Facebook. Glance at clock & wonder how it got to be 6:15. Kiss Shug goodbye. Think about getting dressed but decide a game of candy crush never hurt anybody. The next time I look up it’s twenty till seven. Hmm. Better not scroll Instagram. Pick out jewelry first, because that’s the best part, and determines what kind of attitude I will have that day (Sassy, always, but there are variations). Underthings, socks (also dependent on outfit), pants, top, shoes set by the door to go on very last thing because I hate shoes. Do I have time for breakfast? Yes. Soggy cocopuffs or AppleJacks usually. And a banana. If I take my lunch, this is when I’m grabbing the leftovers in the pyrex dish or the hot pockets & grapes. If I’m smart, I will take my shirt back off to brush teeth. If not, brush teeth & cuss for getting toothpaste down front of shirt. Dab at it & decide whether to roll with it (usually), add scarf, or change. Still need to make the bed. I fleetingly wonder why I bother, then remember that in the event of a home invasion & I’m shot & killed (not likely, as I am armed…
