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Monthly Archives: April 2017
I was starving. That was my first mistake. My second mistake was reaching for my phone when I should have been reaching for the Cheerios. I wanted to eat my avocados before I forget about them, like I have the last two or so dozen that I’ve purchased. I even went so far as to lay one on the counter last night to speed ripening and remember that’s what I needed to consume. Johnny had gone camping, so I needn’t worry about him saying how gross they were (mind you, he chows down on guacamole). I logged onto to that curse of so many women, Pinterest. And of course I see these “Avocado Nests” that look delectable and easily prepared. If those teenyboppers over at Buzzfeed can do it, so can I. Perhaps I should have let my avocados ripen a bit more, but no matter. I freed the nut and dutifully scraped a larger hole out. I pondered the possibility of only a pair filling me up. Best make two. Then I cracked the first egg and encountered my first big problem. Evidently everyone else uses ginormous avocados with micro eggs. Because my egg went everywhere. I frantically scooped it up and tried to make an extra large egg fit into an average avocado. Repeat times four. I’m not at my brightest at seven in the morning. Luckily, I only busted one yolk. Then the…
This is a book about a lie that never ends. I like almost all books set in the south, so it’s no surprise I enjoyed this one (makes me wonder why it took me three and a half years to finally reading it after I purchased it). I wonder if I would have rated it five stars if I hadn’t read it on the coattails of The Stranger in The Woods, but I don’t think so. There were a few discrepancies that I find hard to ignore, mostly with the weather. I find it hard to believe that it was chilly enough on Christmas Eve in Florida to warrant a fire. And the heat is barely mentioned, although I know for a fact Florida is positively stifling in the summertime. And Lord at the bugs. But anyway. The book lags for the first third, and to me, didn’t become truly compelling until about halfway. However, don’t write it off because it’s worth a read. And it goes fast! I love how the maid is named Blanche, I can see her clearly. I love how Miz Ora Beckworth grows and develops even as she ages outwardly. I absolutely ADORE her sharp tongue. I wish I had been witty enough to use her one-liner: “Nice day, idnnit?” “It was.” She taps all the Southernisms right on the head, right down to the closeness of families…
It is National Disptacher Appreciation week. I didn’t even know there was such a thing, but some of you may see where I occasionally like a post on Diary of A Mad Dispatcher’s page & that’s where I heard about it. Anyhoo, in light of Boston Massachusetts, & West Texas, these unseen people are on my mind a lot. I was a dispatcher for about a year & a half & I can count on one hand all the times I was publicly thanked or appreciated. I didn’t ever expect recognition, but when it came, it warmed my heart, just like it does any one of you in your life for a job well done. So, anyway, my point is, you’re seeing a lot of appreciation for the firemen & policemen & they DO deserve every bit of it, but don’t forget the dispatchers. They are keeping up with several agencies at one time, consisting of several hundred men & women. This is in addition to the regular calls that are coming in for car wrecks, accidental cell phones, heart attacks, what have you. If you’ve ever had to make that call, you know how calm that voice is. You plead with them to get help there quickly. You beg them to tell you what to do for the person in distress. And when the…
Here’s the requisite amazon link I love it when I finish a book in a day. I could have read it in a few hours, had I been fully committed and devoted, but Easter. Not that my family is unaccustomed to me having my nose stuck in a book the majority of the time, I do try to pretend to be in the mix of things on holidays. I always read the one star reviews on Amazon. Always. I find they are more honest than the gushing five stars. Also, you can tell by the grammar and spelling whether their opinions are valid. Additionally, a surprising number of people don’t seem to understand the star system, or perhaps they get too excited and hit one when they mean to choose five. Whatever. The disparaging reviews came from two types of people: Gossip mongers who read primarily tabloids who found the research about hermits through the years tedious, and people who thought the book was an invasion of privacy. ………the question begs to be asked: Sooooooo why did you buy it? Obviously Mr. Finkel planned to capitalize on the story. He may have donated some funds to Christopher’s family, but from what I read, they would have instantaneously rejected it. I found the book fascinating, as I knew I would after coming upon an article about him on Facebook last year. From that moment I had hoped a book would come out…
Correct me if I’m wrong, but aren’t they all good? 😉 I know that typically it’s a day of fasting and penance, to commemorate the crucifixion of Jesus, that he gave up his life for our sins, and I feel somewhat guilty that I really had a wonderful day. But that’s human nature, I suppose. This one was especially good because it was the first time in my entire working life I was not working!!! My place of employment was CLOSED. Heck to the yes. So I took full advantage. I acted like a normal human with a holiday: I cleaned house, watched a few episodes of Designing Women, then I met some friends at the movies. I drew a blank while purchasing my ticket, which did not amuse the ticketseller. Sigh. After saying, “It’s got animals…it’s set in World War II…” I was able to spit out triumphantly, “The Zookeeper’s Wife!” I thought we were going to be the only people in the theater, but then a couple came in, followed shortly by some guy going on about “sitting right behind them & kicking their chairs.” Turns out, we knew him and his wife, and they recognized us before we saw them. They did indeed sit behind us, but there was no kicking. The movie was paralyzingly depressing, and it was no time…
Today, I sat on the porch. Now, if I were being proper country, I would say I “set” on the porch. But my Grammar Nazi can’t take it. So I sat. And I didn’t do much of nothin’ for one solid hour. I watched the dogs, and I enjoyed the breeze, noting how it lifted the flags and gave motion to the flagpole. I listened to the windchimes and took note of the boldest birds (blackbirds and turtle doves, followed closely by robins and mockingbirds). I watched the cars rush by, and I reflected on how nice it is to have a yard, and a porch, and a home. I admired my flower beds (wildly out of control), and smiled at my redbud trees. I’m proud of them all-two I planted, one I tried to kill because I thought it was a weed. I’m pleased to report it persevered. I didn’t have a book, or take my phone to scroll Instagram (still on Lent, no Facebook). So there are no pictures to commemorate the occasion. But I can tell you, Lightning Bug is restless and pees a lot, and Sugar is the most laid back, easygoing, patient canine on the planet. Bug plops her in the ear and face with his tail, she just scwinches her eyes shut and pays no mind. He walks across her front legs, she barely looks his way…
There’s two things I can’t ever seem to get enough of: books and margaritas and… Well, nevermind. There’s lots of things I’m a greedy little hog about. But two of my great loves are tattoos and oysters. And I was past due for both. I’ve been eyeing pretty heavily some tattoo designs on Pinterest. I want to be sure, you know? Like, really sure. It’s so permanent and all. I haven’t regretted any of my other selections, but that’s because I agonized over them for months, or years, even. I am prime real estate, & He ain’t makin’ no more. I’ve been hung up on swallows ever since Hannibal Lector was schooling Clarice on them. (However, my recent Google search showed that it was roller pigeons, not swallows. Dammit. But swallows are the same concept:they dive for their meals. For the sake of my story, we’re going to continue on like it was always swallows, because that’s what I’ve been envisioning all these years). And I was researching the meaning of swallow tattoos, and the birds in general, and found that I liked everything I was reading about them. They symbolize coming home, true love, the arrival of spring, and a host of other wonderful homey things. The blue ones signify optimism. They eat sixty mosquitoes an hour. Hello…
Buy Me on Amazon (But if I were you I’d rent it from the library….I am a horrible salesman) One thing’s for sure…I would have been a crappy secretary in 1952. I mean, let’s face it, I’m not the greatest in 2017. My typing “skills”, be that as they may, is my left hand does almost all the work, and I peck with my right index finger occasionally. And I have to look, unless I’m typing STRAW or “Thank you for your interest. Please see the attached quote Brian prepared for you. Don’t hesitate to contact us with any questions.” because I have typed those words thousands of times. My hair is constantly a mess, no matter if it’s tied up in a knot or down. The only time I wear gloves is if it’s in the single digits. My back is rarely ramrod straight, and it would never occur to me to cross my ankles. Demure is not in my vocabulary. The only thing I would excel at is my telephone etiquette, as I’ve never had trouble with volume 🙂 The deafest customer never had a problem hearing me at Co-op. All that aside, this book had great premise, but came off reading like a sixth grade romance novel. Neither story was plausible, as she strove to hard for parallelism between Darby in…
There’s this wonderful place you can visit. It doesn’t cost a dime. And once there, the places you can go are literally limitless. This magical destination is the library. I know, I know, I’m the biggest nerd. But seriously. So tonight was the board meeting. And it was typical in all aspects, other than our chairman was absent so the meeting was conducted by my lovely friend (and recent partner in crime), Tracy. Things were clicking along, we were approving budgets for consideration of the county, approving fundraisers, discussing projects that are coming up. I reached for my regional report and found it stuck to the glass topped table. No worries. I’m sure it’s just barely tacked on there. I didn’t even have anything sticky on my plate. What is going on? I finally ripped it free, leaving several bits of paper essentially glued to the conference table. The director had to dribble water on it and scrub. I don’t know how I constantly find myself in these clean up positions. I’m like a three year old. Someday I’ll tell y’all about the gallon of Red Cell I dropped at the Co-op. Or the case of Hearty Hoof that I dribbled from one end to the other. Now, see, I am obviously not a prototypical board member. Especially one you would picture on the local library board. I’…
You like twisty plots? Warped characters? Page turning suspense? Then this is what you need to pick up. Right freaking now. You can’t figure it out, I promise you that. What an insane read. Unbelievable. This is the best book I’ve read in forever. And it’s drawn out and it makes you want to scream at Louise for not handling things differently; a kind of “Don’t go in the basement with the guy wearing the hockey mask” type of helpful advice, but you won’t be able to put it down, I assure you that. And you wonder…as far fetched as it sounds…could it happen? Don’t the best books make you wonder that? Make you second guess all the things you think you know? I mean, if it rocked Stephen King’s world, isn’t it good enough for you? And look, the author is wonderfully private: Everybody’s talking about the ending. Don’t you want to know?? Buy it here NOW  …
