​I’m sitting at Food City waiting for my first ever swap meeting. I’m a bit skittish. However, I have Annie safely tucked in beside me. I’m sure there are some perverts or sex trafficking conartists who seek out especially girly Craigs List ads to prey upon young women. 

My social media adept cousin set up this rendezvous for my sunny leggings I had aimed to wear with my UT orange. Turns out the only color that looks worse on me than white is yellow. 

We’re meeting at the grocery store because, for my part, it’s well lit and busy. I reckon the lady’s son works here and she gave him the cash for the goods. He sounds young, pimply, and harmless. So I backed in out here by the highway by an old red Ford pickup. I’m early. Before long, here comes this stocky teenager loping across the parking lot towards me with purpose. This is it, I think, ready to hop out with my reject lularoe and a winning smile. I bet he embarrasses easily, and it’s probably a pain for him to pick up his momma’s purchases all the time (I could tell she was experienced from the way she made arrangements via text). Maybe he gets a dollar or two to do her bidding. Maybe she upped the ante since it’s Superbowl Sunday. 

Just as I’m reaching for the door handle, I see he means to go to the passenger side of Patsy. Since I was backed in, and so was the rusty Ford, this meant he wasn’t my guy. I blushed, thinking of how that would have went. “Hey, I’m here with your mom’s new leggings,” I would have chirped. He would be all wide eyed and backing away with his hands and eyebrows up. 

I’m too high strung for this kinda work.

Advancing now, and almost upon me, is a tall, dark headed teenager. I avert my eyes. I’m not gonna make the mistake twice. But this is it. I flash my most charming put-everyone-at-ease smile. Hey, I’m a salesman. Or I used to be. 

I force the leggings on him as he fumbles for the twenty. 

My first transaction is complete! My feet were sweating. But I did it! And I didn’t get stabbed! 

Now if I could sell all the rest of my impulse purchases so effortlessly. Y’all interested? 

Not sure if you’re even allowed to solicit business on here, but why not? I paid for this website. 

Well, I gotta go bake a buffalo chicken casserole to eat whilst I watch Brady get his butt kicked. Hope they’re watching his inflation. Ego and ball, I mean. You can see where my loyalty lies to this day. 

Since the Broncos aren’t there, goooo Clydesdales!!!