I don’t make any plans beyond what to eat and what to read when there’s snow on the ground. Usually it’s soup or chili. Something hearty, you know. Yesterday was no different. While eating breakfast, I was plotting supper. I decided on chili. And I like Mexican Cornbread with my chili when I have time. So much more savory than crackers. But it is a bit of a pain. It involves lots of dirty dishes. But first things first: snow cream.

It surprised me a few years ago when we got about 7″ of snow dumped on us and so many of my Facebook friends were asking for the recipe. Recipe? I’m pretty sure that was the first thing I learned to “cook” because it didn’t involve an oven and the secret is you just add more sugar till it tastes good.

Step 1: Gather snow.

It’s best to get it somewhere your dogs haven’t been, for obvious reasons. But you might want to think about birds, too. Typically the hoods of cars provide unblemished snow. Get more than you think you’ll need. And if this is the wet, heavy stuff, you really gotta hustle.

Step 2: Reserve about a quarter of the snow to another bowl unless you don’t mind going back out or can send a minion/ husband/ child. Add milk, LOTS of granular sugar, and a few drops of vanilla. Taste frequently to see if you’ve got it where you want it. Health nuts might add coconut or blueberries. The possibilities are endless! If you add too much of an ingredient, that’s where the reserved bowl comes in. See how smart I am?

Step 3: Pace yourself. Snow cream gives the worst brain freeze headaches ever in the history of the world. Johnny sticks his in the fridge and picks at it all day. Drives me nuts, but his way is the smart way. Don’t tell him I said that. The powdery kind isn’t conducive to snowmen (this is my friend Rhonda’s, isn’t he precious???) but it’s perfect for snow cream.

After binging on snow cream, I was ready to relax with my current read, The Snow Child. I’m taking part in a read-along on Instagram and somehow managed to drag my friend Liz into it with me. It was a wonderful companion for the weekend. It only lulled me to sleep once.

After a while, I decided I better get started on supper. I put the hamburger meat in the sink to thaw and returned to my nest. I was quietly content for awhile then Johnny announced his plans to go camping.

I mean, what?

It was all of sixteen degrees outside. It was going to be six overnight. SIX. Like, no one or two or three in front of it. Six.

It’s not unusual for him and his buddies to camp in the rain. I’ve come to expect them to head out in the mosquito ridden months of summer. Of course, you can’t keep them out of the woods in fall. But…but….there is actual snow on the ground. There was no talking him out of it, so I set to work grilling the meat, chopping onions, and getting the beans out of the cabinet. I also assembled the fixin’s for the making of the cornbread. I was concerned about having enough eggs for breakfast because the cornbread takes four (!) but I had plenty. The blackberries had already thawed, and I briefly considered just fixing that and calling it a day. But alas, the love of my life was playing Walden tonight and needed something substantial in his gut.

I preheated the oven.

I greased my pan.

I measured out my sugar into my mixer.

I melted my two sticks of butter.

I searched for a can of creamed corn.

And searched.

And searched.

Hmmm. Peculiar. I vividly remembered buying a can not too long ago. I certainly hadn’t made any Mexican Cornbread since the purchase, and that’s all I use it for.

Well, I’d figure something out later. I could always use a can of whole corn and blend it (I’ve made this mistake before). I reached for a tiny can of green chilies. I KNEW I had those, because I bought three cans after the last time I went to make this dish and didn’t have any and I already had my butter melted and my pan greased and I had to rush to the store because obviously the nearby gas station doesn’t see them as a staple.

Wait for it….

Seems that Amy the Chef strikes again. Are you freaking kidding me?! I can’t even make an impromptu trip to the store because I am snowed in. Patsy may be 4 WD but Amy isn’t. Sometimes I am quite the helpless female. I need a fainting couch, like this one. OooooOoooOOoo.

To Google I go. I’m too far involved now. There has to be a substitution. HAS to be. I am not disappointed. Turns out, you can substitute canned green chilies for-get this-fresh green chilies. Now why hadn’t I thought of that???

IF I HAD FRESH GREEN CHILIES WHY WOULD I BE USING CANNED ONES?!?!?!

After I recovered from that head explosion, I eventually found something I could use that didn’t involve weighing, roasting, and skinning poblano peppers. Chili powder. Of course! So simple.

I couldn’t find a ratio (the truth is I quit looking as soon as I saw I could use it as a substitute and was too lazy to go back when I realized my blunder) so I figured a heaping tablespoon would work just fine and dumped it in.

Back to the corn issue. I never did find that can of creamed (but I did find two cans of sloppy joe mix and a mess where the honey had set…it’s a wonder we haven’t been carried off by ants), so I broke out the blender.

That’s right. It can be done. I don’t know if you’re supposed to drain it when you do this, but I do, then add back in milk. It just seems more savory. I came up with this all by myself a few years ago, but turns out everybody knows. I saw it on Pinterest not too long after I considered myself the ingenious inventor.

All that was left was mixing my dry ingredients and then putting both mixtures together. There’s where I struggle with baking. I’ve never understood that business. But all my stuff comes out much better now that I heed those directions.

When I took it out of the oven an hour later, it looked really weird, due in part to the lack of chilies and the addition of the powder, which changed the appearance dramatically. Shug even noticed. “What’s up with the cornbread, babe?” It looked like a sad pumpkin bread. And it sunk in the middle because my baking powder is out of date but I can’t remember to buy more, so I just keep using it. I bought one of those great big containers at Sam’s because the little ones are just as much as the giant one (and also because all reasoning goes out the window when I’m at Sam’s), and they don’t seal back, so they go bad even quicker. Whatever. It was edible.

Obviously, since I couldn’t be bothered to take a picture until after we’d hacked into it.

I didn’t get around to making the blackberry cobbler, they’re still chillin’ in the fridge. Maybe tomorrow.

I did, however, find time to buy several more pieces of Lularoe.

Clearly,  I can’t be left unsupervised.