Day 16: Bullet Your Entire Day

• Woke up (late)

• Burned tongue sipping coffee

• Fixed up beans in the crock pot

• Attire change after brisk walk to start Patsy, which left no time for makeup

• Belted out “Mama He’s Crazy” on commute

• Learned my brake light is out on the Amy side

• Thought about crawling through phone & choking woman customer who was pricing tile

• Peeled tangerine & ate it

• Wished I was home reading

• Wished I hadn’t forgotten my crackers

• Got called Pinky

• Emailed Loveday about Purina feed

• Sold a ton of reindeer feed to Kyle

• Stuffed new Montana Silver in case & hoped Kelvin & Nancy will come by soon to fix my merchandising catastrophe

• Sold $3000 worth of seed & fertilizer

• Texted Mom

• Talked about horses

• Called my Farrier Supply to check on bill correction

• Texted Shug

• Carried out squirrel corn for old man

• Shared grapes with John. It’s our thing now.

• Adjusted hat. Wished I hadn’t bought it.

• Assisted a new equine owner on the phone about feeding hay. Again. For the sixteenth time. Also assured her that when he ran in his pasture, holding his head sideways, & kicking his heels up that he wasn’t having a seizure or feeling the need to break out of his enclosure.

• Ate leftover red beans & rice for lunch

• Adjusted hat

• Got called Pinky

• Trolled Facebook

• Gave several suggestions to my friend Kay about what to do about a trespassing hunter who BUILT A TREESTAND in HER FENCED woods. It involved fire, cussing, & guns a-blazin’, & not blue paint, like TWRA suggested.

• Ate three chocolate chip cookies

• Moved pastel hedgehogs

• Put out peanuts

• Petted a dog

• Developed serious, immediate heartburn. Yankee saved the day with pink pepto pills

• Interviewed Hardin for this week’s feature. Rode in 550 to tile pile. Wished I had walked & met step goal

• Discussed camping, fudge, & the F550 with Willie

• Whined about my feet hurting, which led to Irene saying, “I like the way you pout.” To which I responded, “I’ve never heard that before.” She said she’d never said it before. Told her she might get quote of the day

• Wondered if anyone would notice if I took a nap on a pallet of grass seed

• Told a man on the phone four different times that we did not stock coated cable or chain

• Greeted Shug, who stopped by to check on getting new tires, who promptly called me Pinky & made fun of my hat

• Introduced Shug to my friend Carol

• Basked as they both said how much they love me

• Carried out dog food for a little ole lady

• Laughed when Carol told me about her featherless chicken who is residing in her living room, that she plans to buy diapers for so it can be free range. Evidently Amazon sells them. Best part: she says, “I am the biggest redneck. Nobody would believe I’m from New York. My friends up there don’t know what to think.”

• Gladly accepted crab fettuccine from my favorite Coonass

• Counted money & clocked out

• Must. Pass. All the cars!!!!

• Struggled with empty peanut boxes (I have a thing for them, they’re really cute & a perfect size)

• Began dinner preparations

• Washed dishes

• Typed all this crap

• Hunted Belk bill, found KUB bill that was due today

• Trolled Facebook

• Ate dinner (beans, cornbread, kraut & weenies, fried potatoes)

• Washed dishes

• Showered

• Read more of The Fate of Mercy Alban

• Bed

• Lay there thinking of witty comebacks I should have used today

• Wondered if Donald Trump tried the moonshine while in Knoxville

• Thanked God for my blessings

(Everything after bullet about eating dinner is speculation. This is what I imagine my evening to be, it’s the norm)