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Monthly Archives: November 2015
The big tree is standing proud at the Johnson Plantation. So far, it has only been bedecked with 1,000 lights. I’m thinking it looks pretty good & that might be all that happens to it. Kidding! Sort of. Here’s how it happens every year: Me: “Are we doing a live tree or a fake one this year?” J: “I like the live ones. Don’t you?” Me: “Yes. Can we go cut one down at Hal’s?” J: “Why can’t we just get one from the store?” Me: “Because it will be fun to go cut one down.” Silence. He wears me down over the next few days & I start scrutinizing the ones at the store, & he comes by to pick up my selection. I always have eyeballed the biggest, tallest, fluffiest one that’s still under 12′. “That’s huge!” “No, it’s not! It’s perfect.” Then he calls me Clark & tries to steer me toward the piddly 5-footers. Eventually we compromise & get a very full 7′ one. And I come home & it’s all set up & ready to decorate. And I put on It’s a Wonderful Life or Home Alone or National Lampoon’s & get to it…
A new white F250 pulls up to the front doors. I get excited like a puppy. “Is that Shannon? Do you think he brought me food?” Shannon is a horse customer of mine who hails from New Orleans. He is an amazing cook of all things Cajun & occasionally brings me treats. “No, he’s wearing a cowboy hat, it’s not Shannon.” Another one of my regulars comes through the door. “I like your brush guard,” I tell him, then realize how ridiculous this would sound at any other job/ store. So I had to share. You can giggle, ‘s alright…
Day 29: The Night of Your 21st Birthday We-ell…. By most peoples’ standards, it was fairly tame. But hey, I had a blast! I was dating someone at the time who was not a drinker, & he reluctantly released me to a few friends & a night on the town. We started on the Cumberland Strip, like any 21 year old with any sense. I’m not entirely sure who all was there, but I do remember putting salt INTO my tequila shot & staring, mesmerized, as it fizzed. I had obviously had more than one shot prior, with salt where it’s SUPPOSED to go, on your wrist. And I don’t remember what else. But I do remember the tequila. I think we had dinner at Sunspot? Then I remember wanting to go foam dancing & being gently coaxed from that decision with promise of another bar. I’m thinking O’Charleys? It used to be a happenin’ little joint. I can only partially blame my memory loss on alcohol, this was many moons ago. I *think* that was as much bar hopping as we did, & headed back to a house in Sequoyah Hills, where one of my friends was house sitting. There was a hot tub, which I briefly visited with a..wine cooler?? Bottle of wine?? Not sure. Then I remembered I hate hot tubs, probably due to my high blood pressure. I think…
I My bestie was looking for an epic shout out on my Facebook for her birthday. I’m not feeling especially epic today, but I’ll give it my best shot. Lisa is a Yankee. Like, dyed-in-the-wool of Cincinnati, Ohio. She once called to tell me that Kroger’s had bagels on sale. “Lisa, for the last time. I am from the SOUTH. I don’t eat bagels & cream cheese, I eat biscuits & butter.” I mean, this was just a few years ago. She’s been here since 1994. My first impression of her was not good. She looked like this other girl that had moved here the year previous & turned out to be a total…you know. But Megan’s goal in life was to make friends with every new person who darkened the door of Seymour Middle School, so by association, I was obligated to make nice as well. Turns out, Lisa was just as big a nerd as I was (am). So we’d hang out for days on end during the summer, playing card games, riding horses, & “cooking” (cooking consisted of what Lisa dubbed “drooling sandwiches” due to the content of mayonnaise & mustard). We also dared each other to eat stuff, like expired chocolates from Valentine’s Day with hot sauce on them. We also fancied ourselves quite the photographers. If it wasn’t equally embarrassing to me I would totally post a few. It was much…
I missed my writing challenge yesterday. Day 26: Things You’d Say to an Ex Well, y’all know me, I don’t let no grass grow…to one I’ve said pretty much everything I care to say. Including the infamous note ending with, “p.s. I took the cookie dough, you b@$~*9” To another I would say, “Did it ever cross your mind that you should pay me back?” But to ALL I would say, “Look how happy I am. Maybe if you took some lessons from Shug you could find happiness, too.” I’m not bitter, & I’m not sorry for the experiences I’ve had, but I do feel that I’m where I’m supposed to be. Day27: What You Wore Today I’m pretty dull looking. I wanted to be easily recognizable as a Co-op employee (I would have worn overalls if I had any that fit) so I’m in khaki pants, a navy Co-op collared shirt, & grey (I only spell it gray when I’m describing the sky or inanimate objects. I don’t know why.) tennis shoes. I have on my “perfectly imperfect” bracelet, my crown ring, & hoop earrings from Shug. My hair’s up in a twist, which sounds fancy but it’s not. And, as usual, my heart’s on my sleeve. More on that later…
I would like to poll all the retail people working tonight. I wonder what percentage of them don’t mind being there as opposed to ones who would rather have the day off. Plenty of people work holidays. Surgeons, nurses, policemen, paramedics, firemen, soldiers. Dispatchers. These people actually make a difference. They are the ones who are there for the “big deals” in life, not the “big deals” in possessions. So when they sign on the dotted line, they know that they are making a commitment to be there for someone else. Even though their family would like to have them safe & sound at home, someone else NEEDS them. So they go. They leave what’s important to them & go to work & maybe save a life. I would also like to poll the shoppers tonight. I would ask if they have ever been forced to work on Thanksgiving. I’m just curious. Because it seems like if you’ve ever had to work one– or someone close to you–, you wouldn’t wish it on anyone else. And you wouldn’t support it. But maybe I’m wrong. Maybe I don’t understand how important it is to get your child a game that’s selling for $50 bucks off tonight only. A game that your child will undoubtedly tire of by February. And maybe that child would…
I would like to poll all the retail people working tonight. I wonder what percentage of them don’t mind being there as opposed to ones who would rather have the day off. Plenty of people work holidays. Surgeons, nurses, policemen, paramedics, firemen, soldiers. Dispatchers. These people actually make a difference. They are the ones who are there for the “big deals” in life, not the “big deals” in possessions. So when they sign on the dotted line, they know that they are making a commitment to be there for someone else. Even though their family would like to have them safe & sound at home, someone else NEEDS them. So they go. They leave what’s important to them & go to work & maybe save a life. I would also like to poll the shoppers tonight. I would ask if they have ever been forced to work on Thanksgiving. I’m just curious. Because it seems like if you’ve ever had to work one– or someone close to you–, you wouldn’t wish it on anyone else. And you wouldn’t support it. But maybe I’m wrong. Maybe I don’t understand how important it is to get your child a game that’s selling for $50 bucks off tonight only. A game that your child will undoubtedly tire of by February. And maybe that child would have a monumental memory…
Happy Thanksgiving Eve! For those of you who are told to bring rolls, or just yourself, be thankful. For those of you making cole slaw for the first time, I have advice: reserve one-quarter of the cabbage head in case you screw up & add too much vinegar or salt. Or mayo, but I like mayonnaise, so I don’t see that as a problem. But there ain’t nothin’ nastier than salty cole slaw. For those of you making mashed potatoes: make double what you think you’ll need. And add milk sparingly. It’s hard to cook it out if you add too much. Use salt & butter liberally. For those of you cooking biscuits the secret is prayer. It helps to sift your flour, too, but I believe it really it comes down to your relationship with Jesus. For those of you cooking turkey: cook your bird upside down. I am not joking. It makes the white meat much juicier. My mom discovered this by accident, but it’s the way she always fixed it thereafter. And me too. For all of you, Happy Thanksgiving. May it be relaxing & filling…
Day 25: Four Weird Traits You Have I’m struggling. I feel pretty normal, but that’s what you get when you work in retail. By comparison, I am definitely mild. 1.) Tuletta says I’m weird because I don’t like nuts & that my truck has a name. She says only abnormal people name their trucks. But the guy standing here waiting on the straw blower said everyone he knows is abnormal, then. I asked him what his truck’s name is & it was Wilma. I thought that was great. I asked why Wilma? He says because every mornin’ he goes out & says, “Will my {mah} truck start? Will my truck run? Will my truck stay runnin’ all day?” I polled, & John is in agreement that it is weird I named my truck. 2.) Robin says it’s strange that I’m so straightforward. It is abnormal in the South to tell it like it is, & I always have. Also that I tell the truth. You don’t get a lot of that these days. No worries with me. You get what you ask for-an honest opinion. Sometimes you don’t even have to ask for it. 3.) Tuletta thought of another one—that I underline in books. I underline a LOT. That IS weird. Most people don’t write in books. I make a point to use a pencil. Except in my Bible, I exclusively use a pen…
Day 24: Something You Miss Of all the things I’ve lost, I miss my mind the most. 😉 This specifies “something”, so it can’t be a person. But it could be a person’s LOVE….Hmmm… I miss the unconditional love of my dog. But I love having the unparalleled joy of the Bug now. I miss the innocence of childhood, not having a job other than picking up sticks out of the yard & keeping my room cleaned up. But I am thankful to be grown & appreciate the value of hard work & know how much it takes to spend ten dollars on something frivolous. I miss the days when we weren’t eat up with Yankees & Dotheads. There is no but. I miss when I didn’t have to worry about spots on my skin being cancerous. But I’m glad I’ve lived long enough to have “age spots” & been fortunate enough to be out in the sun long enough to get freckles. I miss reading all day, but I’m thankful I have Shug to occupy my time these days. I miss people telling the truth, & not skirting the issue. But there have always been snakes. I guess I’m glad I’m not naïve anymore…
