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Monthly Archives: March 2015
You know how statistics show the best marriages have no secrets? Well, that’s bull. Because if Johnny had just walked in on me in the bathroom in the last fifteen minutes, he would have run for the hills. And not the ones behind the house. The ones in like, Canada. I’ve been subscribed to Ipsy for a year now. They send out these flashy little packages once a month called “Glam Bags” filled with travel sizes of new cosmetics, face care products, & most recently, an eyelash curler. Anyway, I’m not much of a girly girl & all this crap has been piling up under the counter. I decided to put some of it to use tonight. Namely, an exfoliating mask. Harmless enough. I’ve used them before. They’re kinda fun because your face tingles. I pull off the safety seal & squirt some on my index finger to apply. It looks like mud, which is typical. I begin applying it in a circular motion like the directions indicated. It has the consistency of sand. You know, gritty. Then there’s this glob of…stuff that suddenly appears on my chin. By glob I mean something that resembles spinach. I poke at it. Feels like spinach, too. Hmm. I pluck it off, thinking it just didn’t get ground down in the manufacturing process. Then there’s more. And more. It’…
If you’re southern, and you call around hunting a product, it goes something like this: “Such-and-such store, this is Do-Lollie, could I hep ye?” “Good mornin’, it’s Amy at the Co-op, how you doin’?” (nevermind I’ve never met or talked to this person prior) “Good mornin’, Amy, I’m doin’ alright, other’n this rain, it always makes my hip hurt. How are YEW?” “Oh, I’m alright. If I’s a pig, I’d be enjoyin’ this mud a little more.” A chortle. “I heard that. What can I do fer ye?” “Well, I’s wonderin’ if Bryan was in?” “Yeah, hang on jest a minute & I’ll git ‘im fer ye.” “Thank you!” “Mm-hmm. You have a good day.” “Hey, you too!” With that, I am placed on hold. {I can imagine the hollerin’ to the back of the store “Bryan! Line one! It’s Amy!” “Huh?” “Line ONE!” “Ok.”} “This is Bryan, could I hep ye?” “Good mornin’ Bryan, how are ye?” “Well, I ain’t talked to you in a coons age! You doin’ alright?” “Yeah, how ’bout you…
