There’s a guy here in the office with me. He likes to talk. He will not stand still when he talks to me, he paces and peers outside and is just a twitchy human. He likes to tell me stories about hunting. I’ve grown up listening to hunting stories, and I tire of them easily. However, we don’t have anything in common so as long as I let him ramble on about his turkey club (not that kind) and camper, I don’t have to come up with anything to say. He’s trying to be nice, I get it. I’d rather hear about his skydiving adventures, but he’d rather talk about hunting. So. He has also kept me up to date about this friend of his vacation progress. First he was coming to Pigeon Forge. Then they decided to go to Florida. Then the tropical storm hit, so they changed their plans back to here. So they all went out to eat last night (Holston’s, if you’re curious. I didn’t ask what they ordered, even though I really wanted to know). As he was telling this story, I wondered how he knew this guy. I remembered he’d told me, but I couldn’t recall how it was. And I couldn’t ask, because then he would know I hadn’t been paying attention, and so he…

Is there a YouTube video for my life? Because I have to refer to them for so many other things (sd card, most recently). How did we make it before? Oh yeah, instruction manuals. It doesn’t help that I spend way too much time online, anyway. I logged into etsy last night to check the shipping status of something I ordered & thirty minutes later found myself looking at wind chimes made of spoons etched into fish shapes. ??? Why? I hate wind chimes & have no covered porch to hang them from if I did like them. “The amazing thing about jellyfish is they eat, poop, & procreate from the same orifice.” While at Food City… “Ma’am? Did you buy coffee & Oreos?” I barely refrained from sticking my hand out & saying, “Hi, I’m Amy. We’ve never met.&#8221…

Purple.  The color of the day was purple. Where I was, anyway.  So, even though everybody else in the greater Knoxville area was wearing their best Vol orange, emblazoned with giant power T’s, drinking orange flavored beer, eating cheese dip on Doritos, & singing Rocky Top till they were hoarse, I was wearing heels & politely sipping wine. Even the mountains had turned orange in preparation of one of the oldest rivalries in SEC country. Who gets married on a football Saturday in Tennessee? Who gets married on Tennessee versus Alabama Saturday, no less?  Crystal Allen, that’s who. A GRADUATE of the University of Tennessee, so you’d think she knew better!  But the wedding has been in the works for almost two years, and the romance since high school, so I couldn’t miss it.  Crystal is a sweet soul; nothing is more important to her than family. Her quirky demeanor makes you giggle, & she’s so plainly beautiful you can’t help but stare. So, as a few raindrops fell yesterday on her simple ceremony underneath the maple trees, I couldn’t help that a few of my few tears joined them.  I was expecting a princess gown, full tulle skirt & fitted bodice, but I was wrong. She was elegant in a lace gown with a short train adorned with sparkles. I was expecting a long veil, but she had flowers…

Musings for today, November 14th: 1) Do you ever wish for clothes you owned ten years ago? Or, more importantly, that they still fit? I once owned these two great sweaters from B. Moss. They were a loose necked turtleneck type, with this great cable knit weave. Unfortunately, they had wool in them, which, over time, shrunk until they became crop-top sweaters. Hmm. 2) Can you imagine being the guy who discovered the hammerhead shark? Wouldn’t that be freaky? 3) If I was as big as a castle, my digestive system could handle it, and money was no option, I would have the following for lunch from Holston’s: fried pickles, fried green tomatoes, whiskey glazed BBQ burger, Philly cheese steak, smoked turkey club, ribs, cedar planked salmon, deep fried Mississippi catfish, garden salad, and finish with the Mudd cake. 4) sometimes it takes every ounce of my energy not to tell people pets aren’t free. If you can’t afford for your horse to see a veterinarian for a serious eye issue or whatever, then why do you own one (or, in this case, four)? Same for flea control for your dog. It’s cheaper to control fleas than to get rid of them. I mean, crapfire. You owe it to your animals to provide them with a standard of care. You don’t have to give them the very best food & toys, but you do need to give…

I still don’t have anything nice to say. But I will tell y’all about my lunchtime adventure today, because y’all seem to enjoy them. Its going to sound like complaining, but stick with me, its worth it.   Went to Buddy’s BBQ because I was craving bar-b-que something fierce. Of course I have to drive like a demon to get there & back in my allotted lunch break time. I pull up at the drive thru. Silence. I back up & pull forward. Nothing. “Hello?” *cricket, cricket* There were cars in the parking lot, so they were open. I’m expecting Ashton Kutcher to come out of the bushes, but time is of the essence, so I grumble & whip into a parking space & stomp in. Grouchy lady takes my order, I inform her of the faulty service of the drive through speaker. She tells me it’s plugged in & shrugs. Whatever, give me my food before I have a stroke. I won’t go into how she didn’t want to supply me with both ketchup AND extra barbeque sauce, nor a lid that fit my coke, but I got back into Patsy & sped back to the other side of the river, frantically trying to eat my sandwich. This is where things went tragically downhill. My little sauce cup was working out great. I’d dribble a little onto…