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Category: Chester’s Chronicle
Tales from me & my sweet pit bull, Chester. I adopted him on Halloween 2020, after the loss of my best boy, LB, on September 29th.
Something different for today. I present to you the ever popular, much anticipated… Chester’s Chronicle. Year Three, Three Months, and Seven Days Hello, my friends. I know it’s been awhile but you know the redhead has been up to her antics and I, I have been up to my own. Except I haven’t. I have been a very good boy. How do I know? It’s like you think I’m fibbing! I’m positively aghast you would think I would stray from anything other than complete honesty! Dogs don’t have it in them to lie! The expression “lie like a dog” means because we’re all the time lounging around unless there are intruders faces to eat off. Back to the conversation at hand: I know I’m a very good boy because Princess Glitterpants tells me so. And I believe her. After all, there’s no one around brave enough to contest her. I’ve been enjoying some days outside. It’s a little chilly of the mornings, but I have my very shiny (and thick!) fur coat. PGP says with all the hair she sucks up I should look mangy, but I don’t. I’m quite dapper, if I do say so myself. And I do. But anyway, the mornings aren’t cold long, so I won’t get frost toes. I spend much of the time patrolling, and once I have secured the perimeter, I nap in the sun. It feels…
This is going to come as a shock to most all of you: I used to not like pit bulls. I know. Hard to believe, innit? But it’s true, Scout’s Honor. I thought they were ugly, number one, and number two, vicious. I didn’t need to know anything else. Well. Then as most of you know, I met a dog that changed all that. He was 5’10”, had blue eyes, and a propensity to drink too much. Hahaha. But honestly, a love of pit pulls was spawned with that relationship and the love of the bully breed certainly outlasted the marriage. Sugar was my first encounter with the Staffordshire Terrier. We pittie people say that to throw people off. Pit bull is a generic term used to describe a bulldog with certain characteristics, like a muscular build and block head. Sugar was papered out the whatsit. She was one of the most pedigreed dogs I’ve ever known. And dumb as a river rock sittin’ on the bottom, growin’ moss. (Credit to the late Uncle Dale) She honestly didn’t have enough sense to get out of the rain. She could eat more than any dog I’ve ever seen, which is unusual for a dog that’s never been starved. She was steel gray, and virtually impossible to see after the sun went down. Loyal, loving, and impossibly stupid, she would lope around outside…
Chester’s Chronicle, Year One, Month Five and one extra dayWell, here’s where it ends, folks. The end of the road. Where we say goodbye….Princess Glitterpants has had all she can take. The Chester hairs have finally made her cross over and there’s no going back. I am, once again, up for adoption. I’m not sad. It’s not really in my repertoire of emotions. Just think– last time I was up for adoption I just had to wait a little while and then I got all this!!! I have no reason to believe it won’t be even better next time! I mean, with an attitude like mine, how could I go wrong? So I’m offering myself here first. It’s not a bidding war, I just want someone who can satisfy my requirements in the most timely fashion. My requirements are as follows: • I am only outside on perfect days. Example: under 80°, but above 50°, no rain, sleet, frost, hail, wind that would blow my Chester hairs in an unfashionable manner, and/ or snow for an extended time. Snow is fine in small increments. Rain is also acceptable if you’re willing to follow me around with a golf umbrella. (Good luck to you if the wind is blowing gale force)• Towel treatment to my toes and body if so dampened by aforementioned weather.• On the days I have to be…
Princess Glitterpants tells me this is my special day. It’s all about ME!! I thought every day was about me, but evidently today really is. So far I have had bacon and a biscuit. Not those hard little cardboard ones, but a human biscuit, fluffy and buttery and delicious. I have been permitted to sleep in the Kingdom of Fluff and Squash this whole month!!! PGP snores, but that’s ok. I like being close to her. She says I get away with murder as it is, so she’s not sure how to top a regular day today. I take special offense to this mention of murder, ’cause I ain’t murdered nobody. And if I did, wouldn’t it be preferable that I got away with it? She’s very confusing sometimes. She says nobody would be brave enough to break in on us since I live here with all my scary teeth. I think this is amusing. She’s way meaner than me!!! But back to my day. After breakfast, I got new toys. I got two new bones, a beaver, a cheeseburger in lieu of a birthday cake, and, best of all, a Sebastian 3.0. He’s an exact replica of the Sebastian that was my very first toy, ever. I don’t know how PGP got him, but I’m sure glad to see my old friend. This is me with my…
Once upon a time, in a small white house, in a tiny little town, at the foot of some very old mountains, lived an extra large dog named Chester.Chester was the color of chocolate pie filling just before it boils. He had white toes like he had walked through a shallow pail of paint. And maybe he had. Chester had a vicious bark and a vigorous wagging tail and he was very, very loved. He was also very, very spoiled, because the Princess who “owned” him had been very, very spoiled when she was a little girl.When he wanted to go get a fluffcup and he used his very scary big britches bark to get her attention, the Princess would tell him, “Chester, the Rolling Stones taught me you can’t always get what you want. But if you try sometimes, you just might find, you get what you need.” And then the Princess would go and make them a roast or meatloaf, or sometimes a barbeque sandwich.And Chester loved the roasts and the meatloaves and the barbeque sandwiches.And he and the Princess lived happily ever after.Especially when she scratched his belly when he was full of meatloaf…
Once upon a time, in a land not so far away at all, lived a little tank of a blue brindle bulldog, who was very, very loved. In a land pretty far away, as far as dog travel is concerned anyway, roamed another dog, who was not loved at all, by anyone. Now this story has equally sad and delightful parts, so consider yourself warned if you read on. But, I will tell you: like all fairy tales, you get a happy ending. And so the summer went by, hot and sticky. The brindle bulldog was very, very sick but the Princess was taking very good care of him during this time. She would feed him half her meals and they would go through drive thrus and get him his very own roast beef sandwich and cups full of ice cream or whipped cream, depending on where they were. The brindle bulldog was very happy, but getting weaker day by day. He loved to go on trips and would lay peacefully in the backseat until they got to their destination. One time they were in the car for a very long time and every time they stopped and got out it was further from home and there were all new smells and sights. Even the trees looked different. And then…after traveling all day, they reached the ocean. And it was the best thing the little tank of a blue brindle bulldog had ever seen. He was beside himself…
Day 8: I fell off the couch this morning. It was an embarrassment and a surprise. But no matter what happens, it won’t be as bad as The Soaking yesterday. Princess Sparkleshoes says life is full of ups and downs and I’ll do good to remember that. She’s just mad because hairs keep mysteriously showing up in the tub and she’s cleaned it twice already. I told her if she hadn’t stressed me out I wouldn’t have shed so much. She said I should have cooperated better. I started to tell her something else but then I heard a little bee tell me to never argue with a redhead, especially the one who feeds you and allows you to ride in the rocket. So I yawned and licked her hand. Chester’s Diary, Day 8 and a half Popcorn is an acquired taste. I haven’t acquired that taste. It’s not natural. I would rather just play with them but Princess Glitter Pants gags when she has to pick the slimy bits up off the carpet. I do think the chickens next door would fit my discriminating palate. And I promise not to leave any slimy bits anywhere. #scoutshonor Chester’s Diary, Day 9Whoever this Lightning Bug character is, he must have really been something special. Princess Glitterpants still cries over him sometimes.She also says I could have learned a lot from…
I guess if I’m gonna tell this, I need to pick up with where I left off. So I got all Chester’s (at that time still Andre the Giant’s) paperwork signed and paid his bail, and we busted out of that joint, everybody all smiles but none bigger than Chester’s. I decided to take the interstate home because those curvy roads might make him sick. He was pretty excited and paced some, looking at all the things that he’d never seen before. He acted like it was the most natural thing in the world to be riding 75 mph with someone he’d never before laid eyes on. I guess that’s a good thing. Ever so often he’d stick his head through the gap between my headrest and window and lay his muzzle on my shoulder. It was the sweetest thing. And if he could catch my elbow far enough back on the armrest, he’d put his head on top of it. He eventually circled and curled up to sleep. Bless his little bones. If I had been him, I wouldn’t have been nearly so accepting of this fate. I guess he knew my intentions and that everything was going to be okay. I kept thinking about what the director told me: picked up as a stray in June, and had been at the shelter ever since.Once he settled down…
I can’t tell you about LB dying, not yet. Let’s just say it effectively broke my heart. I didn’t realize how much I depended on him for companionship and entertainment. And pure, uncomplicated love. Ok, that little bit already has me crying so let’s move on. After a few weeks of people gently (and not so gently) pushing me to get another dog, I started half-heartedly searching. Because the fact of the matter was, I was miserable. And I hate to throw away leftovers. It was either going to be a dog or a pig. And places aren’t as friendly about letting a pig in as they are a dog. I looked on Young Williams page. They’re not far, and they’re well-known for having dogs that are staring hard at the end of the line. I wanted a male pit bull, anywhere from 2-5. He had to be house trained. I didn’t care if he got along with kids or other pets, because I don’t share my space with anybody. He could be an unlucky dog, fixing to change his luck. I really wanted to just walk up to the counter of a shelter and say, “Hi. I’m the answer to your prayers.” But that would be arrogant, so I tried to be cool when I messaged about one of their dogs, a pit mix…
