Have you ever seen one of those super cute, trendy boutiques in a fashionable part of town & you were too intimidated to go in? It just oozed “too rich for your blood” or maybe gave the impression it would be filled with snooty falooty types.
I once knew of such an establishment, but I still couldn’t resist the urge to go peruse it, out of my budget or not.
The boutique I speak of was housed in an old farmhouse on the Parkway in the middle of downtown Sevierville. The front porch had gigantic hanging ferns & two welcoming rocking chairs creaking in the breeze. I never seemed to have time to zip in, & plus, I was a little hesitant about the parking situation.
But the week before my wedding, I was at wits end for two of my bridesmaid gifts. I was going to the post office & I had a minute. I maneuvered Patsy around to the gravel lot behind & cautiously stepped in the back door.
“Welcome,” came a confident voice behind the counter.
I smiled at the redhead who spoke.
I’m sure she offered to help me, & before long we were chatting amicably about what brought me in. She helped me pick some pieces of silver jewelry out for my momma, & some earrings for one bridesmaid. But there was this cow picture on the wall that kept calling my name. It seemed strange to find such an object in a store like this, but I’ve come to learn that you will find many unexpected treasures in this little shop…one of them being a lifetime friendship in the proprietor, Lorie.
She sold me the cow picture that day for my old college friend with the instructions to promptly return it if she didn’t love it. She carefully packaged my gifts so I wouldn’t have to wrap them, & sent me on my way feeling peaceful & appreciated.
I have gone back countless times in the last five years, to all her locations, & making more friends along the way. Diva night is always a blast, & while you might think the store might be filled with perfect looking catty females looking down their nose at a girl with horse sh!t on her boots, nothing could be further from the truth. Lorie is a hoot & a holler, & a SUPER TERRIBLE INFLUENCE when it comes to the Lularoe leggings craze. I love her, & if you ever meet her, you will too. “Come as a customer, leave as a friend” is the truest statement in her retail advertising.
Today is her birthday, & I should be treating her to some fattening Mexican while we wear our fabulous leggings (or maybe our matching green tutus?) but hopefully she’ll let me take her out one day this coming week. Happy Birthday sweet friend! I hope you’ve had a great day!
A breeze from the river lifts a corner of my napkin where my sweating glass of sweet tea sits. The air is humid, carrying the scent of mud & pine trees. I look past the house to the geese squawking at each other on the pond.
Richard Montgomery spears a meatball with a toothpick & plops it on his plate. “Can you believe how hot it still is? Did you get you some of these meatballs? Here, try ’em!” He proffers the blue casserole dish my way. My plate is already full from everything else Ann, his wife of 42 years, has persuaded me to eat. Their hospitality is overwhelming.
Richard is, in the truest sense of the word, a good ole boy. He’s the current Chairman of Tennessee’s Board of Parole. He served as Sevier County’s House Representative from 2008-2012, & for eighteen years prior to that, proudly chaired Sevier County’s Board of Education. Richard is an institution in this part of the world, & chances are you’ve been in his presence at some point or another, if you ever attend any local fundraisers or social events. He’s an important voice for the local people & always has an ear for anyone who stops him. And boy, do people stop him. Bob’s Mountaineer Restaurant, that once anchored Seymour on its north side, was more a political gathering place than it ever was a family buffet.
But he wasn’t born into a well-to-do background. You’ve heard the expression dirt poor? That would adequately describe Richard’s upbringing. The youngest of eight siblings, his mother died when he was just a baby, & his oldest sister Connie raised him. If times weren’t hard enough, living in a literal dirt-floor cabin, he was born with a cleft palate that was surgically repaired through the goodwill of a local doctor after he started school.
Richard overcame many things growing up, the least of them ridicule from classmates. He was a part of the first graduating class of Seymour High School, 1967. Richard attended the University of Tennessee through scholarships & perseverance, & graduated with an engineering degree in 1971. He was then hired by Oak Ridge National Labratories. “I still can’t talk too much about that,” Richard says, rubbing his hand across the back of his neck. He retired from ORNL in 1999, ready to improve his golf game and travel with his devoted wife, who was also recently retired from BellSouth. Their only daughter, Megan, was grown & advancing in the professional world of banking, so they could be almost carefree and enjoy their cabin in Big South Fork without worrying about rushing home for some disaster. Ann found herself cuddling babies at St. Mary’s on days she didn’t fill in at the job she’d retired from after 35 years. “South Central Bell- I can’t help still calling it that- was the only life I knew,” she says, running her hand down an antique phone booth, now stored in their garage. “But I love rocking babies, & when I caught a news story about the {drug}dependent newborns, I knew I could help. It about broke my heart, but I did love it.”
The Montgomerys got a few years off before Richard was approached by the then-mayor of Knoxville to run for the office of State Representative to serve his home county in Nashville. He shakes his head when I brought up several of his accomplishments, including some road improvements that still haven’t come to fruition, six years after the bills were passed. “It was harder than I thought. Two steps forward & ten steps back, seemed like,” he admits. “You want to see change as soon as it’s voted in, but there are so many people & plans to put in place, sometimes it takes twenty years, & by then, it’s antiquated & you just have to start again.”
But even though he’s seen Sevier County grow by leaps & bounds so that it’s hardly recognizable from when he was thirty years old, an up-and-coming politician, it’s still home. “I won’t leave. I couldn’t if I wanted to. And why would I want to?”
Richard can be found most Saturday mornings at Sevierville Golf Club, & at Golden Corral every weekday at high noon. His grandbabies need held every Sunday afternoon, though, & he’s keeping that day sacred for all the right reasons.
I realize the picture is a wee bit weird, but I admire the symmetry.
Here’s the thing about the ocean:
It’s weird. There’s slime, and seaweed, and sticks, and fish that nibble at your toes. Not to mention all manner of man-made trash that washes up. The difference is, in the Gulf you can actually SEE what’s touching you, rubbing against your leg. Whereas in the Atlantic, you just visualise the worst & hope that if it is death coming for you, he’ll make it snappy.
I had seaweed & God-knows-what-else tangled in my hair every day this week, but I just pretended I was a mermaid & went on. The waves knocked me down, flipped me upside down, drove me to my knees and skidded my elbows across the gritty sand. I got back up for more, pushing my seaweed infested hair out of my eyes, snorting and snotting from the salt in my eyes and up my nose, making them water and burn.
It was a constant struggle against the current, fighting the waves crashing into me. They fizzle out but there’s more behind it. Sure, you can stay in the shallows where the danger is minimal, but why would you want to? Where’s the fun & adventure in that? It’s a battle I will never win, me against the pull of the moon.
Something drives us Tennesseans here…we’re everywhere! It’s a VOL nation. We trade our mosquitoes for dragonflies, and our maple trees for palms. We exclaim over the hordes of lizards on bushes & boardwalks and pretend we’re not petrified of getting lost in a new city. We vacation in safe places, beaches that aren’t overcrowded and you feel safe leaving your umbrella, towels, books, and ipod on the beach when you go in for lunch. What a nice place.
And so I sit here on our balcony, with my sunburned feet, listening to Old Crow and Bob Dylan, admiring my new freckles, eating cantaloupe, and watching the waves roll in incessantly, waiting on the storm…waiting.
I could be safe at home, or even inside on the couch, away from the brutal elements but my time here is limited and I will choose to spend it with the ocean.
I will always choose the ocean.
I had two write two mock ups as an interview of sorts when I thought I was going to take a paid writing job for a magazine. The people are real, the names and story are not. I wrote it without ever visiting their home.
Driving up a residential, slightly sloped, tree lined street, sprinklers whir behind black fences on immaculate lawns leading to large brick homes. You can picture the inhabitants: petite blonde women compensating with 4″ heels, rushing to get out the door, briefcases under their arm, packed with papers. Their husbands stand over the sink slurping the last dregs of coffee from a mug they got at their last conference with the Wall Steet Journal quartered in their hands. The house is quiet, apart from the clattering the missus makes on her way through the foyer, adjusting her scarf where it is tangled in an earring.
But step inside THIS one, & you’ll find quite a different scenario.
Meet the Millers. Hubert is an investment banker, & he’s sprawled across the polished hardwood in his sock feet playing with his daughter, Hazel. She’s a very proud two & a half. Don’t forget the half. The other little one is Magnolia, who’s busy modeling her brand new LL Bean backpack. It’s monogrammed, not for stature, but so it doesn’t get confused with anyone else’s. She shows it to me, all curls & smiles, cheeks dimpling as she says, “This is for Magnolia Beatrice Miller, but here it says Bean, & that’s what Mommy calls me.” I beam at Georgia, enraptured already by this little charming person. Georgia is their stay-at-home mother, who is cleaning up from breakfast & arranging supplies for paper mache. She’s petite & blonde, just like I figured, but has a wholesome quality about her that lets you know this is exactly what she lives to do.
Hubert & Georgia met fourteen years ago, when they were both employed by Citizens National Bank. Hubert was a financial advisor, & Georgia was climbing the ladder, having started as a teller & was now the loan officer inside Kroger’s store branch in Sevierville. They dated, he proposed at sunset below a dormant volcano in Maui, they wed in the church her family has been members of since the 60’s, & she found out she was pregnant with their first daughter at the UT home opener in 2010. Georgia left the bank to take care of herself & prepare their home to welcome a baby. When the news came of their second daughter, it was time to expand residences. They relocated from her grandmothers quaint house in South Knoxville to an upscale subdivison in Rocky Hill. Hubert recently left the bank where he’d spent twenty two years & started his own firm, Crestpoint Wealth Management. “I wanted my time to be MY time,” he explains. “We are blessed to have friends who are clients that entrust me to handle their futures.” Hubert is enjoying the freedom that is indigenous when you run your own business. It comes with its own set of headaches, but as he reaches over to tickle Hazel’s belly, you are as sure as he is that this was the right move. He holds conferences & lunches monthly & is taking new clients. “I want people to understand money. It can be overwhelming when you need to make a large investment but want to plan for retirement. I get to know all my clients personally, that way I can better advise them.”
We close our appointment on their back porch, watching the girls swing & play with Buster, their Boston terrier, while we sip sweet tea brewed that morning by Georgia & the sun. It’s accented with a sprig of mint. Everything is just right in this moment for the Millers. And they pray for many more days just like this.
Is there a YouTube video for my life? Because I have to refer to them for so many other things (sd card, most recently). How did we make it before?
Oh yeah, instruction manuals.
It doesn’t help that I spend way too much time online, anyway. I logged into etsy last night to check the shipping status of something I ordered & thirty minutes later found myself looking at wind chimes made of spoons etched into fish shapes. ??? Why? I hate wind chimes & have no covered porch to hang them from if I did like them.
“The amazing thing about jellyfish is they eat, poop, & procreate from the same orifice.”
While at Food City…
“Ma’am? Did you buy coffee & Oreos?” I barely refrained from sticking my hand out & saying, “Hi, I’m Amy. We’ve never met.”
Aren’t my tomatoes beautiful? They’ve had a hard life. After selection, they got sqooshed down in my buggy, then repacked on top by the cashier. While I was wheeling my cart across the main thoroughfare in front of Sam’s, they took a plunge off the front end and were scrambling in all directions like escaped convicts from Brushy Mountain.
I just stood there and watched it happen and eventually threw a hand to my forehead, the very picture of Southern Damsel in Distress Mode.
A gentleman in overalls assisted me in the round up of scattered orbs.
Little troublemakers. I’m gonna devour them with much more zeal now.
According to some, I’ve lead a semi-charmed life. And I’m sure compared to others, that’s true.
But lemme tell you something. I cry at the drop of a hat. I cry when I’m sad, when I’m angry, when someone else is crying, when I’m happy, when I stump my toe. I’ve cried like no other for the past week. I told Johnny I understand now why depressed people have a hard time. I’m fully aware of how ridiculous I sound, I don’t have problems. I have options. But you get on a crying jag, your eyes swell, it wears you down, you can’t concentrate, your head pounds, & then there you are. The next day, you aim to feel better & more at peace, but you’re still all screwed up from the previous day. It’s a vicious cycle! I’m so glad I didn’t have a lot to cry about because I would have never dug my way out from that black hole.
So today, I wanted to use up my HSA money before I lose it. Don’t judge, you’d do the same thing.
I’ve been meaning to get to the eye doctor, but that’s about as much fun as laying on an anthill while eating a popsicle & letting whatever happens happen. But I forced myself to go. And to be fair, my optometrist is pretty rockin’. She tells me I have a beautiful optic nerve & to drink gin to cure my eye twitch. And my oh-so-trendy Tiffany frames have been beat up for awhile. Off I go.
Turns out the office got brand spanking new equipment last night. So I got to be their first victim. Better me than some little kid or old geezer who can’t hear it thunder, I say.
Of course nothing wants to run smoothly. No big deal, I can be patient. Don’t laugh, it’s true!! So we did the new digital exam, which is not nearly as cool looking as the prehistoric Terminator machine with all the lenses & knobs. Then she goes to look at my spectacular nerve.
“Everything looks great, let me just take a peek at the left eye, look at my ear.” She’s wearing pearls.
“Are you sure I can’t dilate you?”
“Positive.” I answer immediately, again, for the third time. It screws me up BIG TIME. I LOATHE it.
“You’ve got a vessel leaking & I really would feel better if you’d let me check it.” Then she starts grilling me about my blood pressure…which I feel rising.
“Fine, fine! Do it! But I’m holding you responsible for all my actions today!”
She agrees and takes a big hit of her essential oil lavender necklace. She must have been really worried. So they dilate me, & I sit there with these stupid drops mixed with tears running down my face. I hate eyedrops, have I mentioned? Almost as bad as the hiccups. My eyeliner, I am pleased to report, stays intact.
So here we go with the bright light & the pale earrings again.
“Ummmm…could this have been brought on by strain?” I ask.
“Sure, like stress? Or like, you read the Bible in a week?”
“Like, I cried my eyes out for two days last week & it’s been coming intermittently ever since?”
“Sure. I’ve got a pregnant patient & one of hers burst because she threw up so hard.”
Hmm. So she takes a good long look, determines it’s a smaller vessel that’s running on top of a big plump one, & she’s no longer worried. But I have explicit instructions to skedaddle back if I have any problems.
Then she sends me on my way to pick out new frames.
This is always loads of fun. I’m already blind & now I’m dilated, too.
I get the new chick at Lens Crafters, not my preferred lady. This one doesn’t QUITE know what to make of me.
I eventually settle on three pairs & age narrows it down for me, picking almost the exact same ones I already have. Fine by me. I’ve got enough going on with changing my hair & changing jobs. My sunglasses will have to be ordered. Lovely. I go to pay, & have the exact amount screenshot from my phone this morning of my HSA account balance.
“It says do not honor card,” Miss Priss informs me.
I’m astounded.
“I can try it again manually,” she says meekly.
“Yeah, you do that.” I watch. The whole amount is more than what’s in the account.
“Hang on,” I say, & point.
She backs up & punches the numbers from the card in. Decline.
“I’ll call them,” I say through gritted teeth. “I ain’t quit yet.”
I listen patiently to the menu. It confirms what I already know as the money goes. I press five for a representative. I get the perkiest person on the planet. I explain my situation. I confirm my identity.
Then she says, “you’re gonna think this is cray, but the interest hasn’t posted. Try it for two cents less.”
I relay the info. I keep Perky Pants on the line until it miraculously goes through.
And that’s the story of how I didn’t get my two cents worth.
I decide to take my internet purchased shoes back to Dillard’s. However, East Towne no longer has a Dillard’s. So off I go to West Town. I return the shoes, explaining about my odd looking black holes for eyes & while drooling over ten more pairs. Saleslady was sympathetic, but she probably wasn’t buying it & thought I needed drug money. I wind my way through the mall, making a few purchases. I can’t operate the stupid signature pads, I couldn’t see them plainly, & I had no cash. I train wreck, I was. Then I realize it’s past two o’clock & I still haven’t eaten lunch, & that’s not helping matters, so I make my way to the food court.
My phone dings, my glasses are ready. Of course, the one time I’m enjoying myself, they hurry & get them done quick fast & in a hurry. Last time I got there & they didn’t pass inspection so I was stuck for like three hours. Food first.
The usual suspects: Chick-fil-a. Japanese. Taco Bell.
Chipotle.
Hmm. Chipotle. I’ve never eaten there, but people talk about it like it’s all the rage. Why not? So I did. They give you lots of choices! And it was pretty good. So √
In the meantime, I had received a second text that my glasses were done. Hold your horses! I get back to the mall. My good friend Nancy text me to move my car somewhere under cover because Sevierville was fixing to get hammered. I shoot her back that it’s cute she thinks I should protect 16 year old Patsy from something so insignificant as frozen rain. 😀 Like a rock, the ads used to claim.
It took chick NINE TRIES to get me adjusted. My eyelashes kept hitting on the left lens. I think she was fixing to tell me my head was lopsided. I’m picky about crap I wear all day long, every day. Oh, & good news, my sunglasses were in, they didn’t have to be ordered.
I go to Sam’s. Like to have NEVER located the massive bag of bacon bits.
Now I’m home, relaxing. I think my eyes are back to normal, but please excuse any & all mistakes. Or blame my doctor.