This blog is killing me.
KILLING ME.
I still haven’t figured out how to link my Amazon affiliate links to my website and posts, even though I have watched no shortage of YouTube videos. They’re all outdated, is the problem.
And I thought all my categories had put themselves in the right drop down menu by the magic of elves, but found out tonight that the elves hate me and nothing had happened.
Sigh.
I did get that worked out.
If anybody has any suggestions that don’t include the words “give up” or “get drunk” I will blindly accept them.
Take advantage of this while you can.
It feels weird to have a website. I’ve been updating my favorite social media sites with my web address. Now I’m one of those people.
Today I’ve done normal things…laundry, made sausage gravy, wrapped Christmas presents, watched Romy and Michelle’s High School reunion-I’d give you the link if it were any count, but it ain’t, so I’m not- {did anybody else just sing Janet Jackson with that? No? Just me then.} and submitted my book review for the library’s blog. Thank God they keep that one updated for me. I was just relieved to finish that book. It’s another’n I’d give you the link to if it was worth reading. But it’s not. Such a shame. I hate it when books and authors disappoint me. My next one is going much better.
I DESPISE wrapping Christmas presents. I much prefer the buying aspect. I even like the buying of the paper. And I continue to buy more every single year, even though we have more than enough to see us through the next decade. My wrapping skills are sorely lacking. Johnny has these precise corners…mine are a wadded up, torn, much-taped, hideous disgrace. It truly is shameful.
Now that is an example of one of my worst case scenarios. The package was too big for my wrapping paper. What choice did I have? You should know the tag read: “Wrapped with love, but not much talent.” So what I normally do in these wrapping situations–and you’re more than welcome to adopt this little nugget for yourself–is put an elaborate bow and ribbon concoction on it to draw attention away from the rest of the mess. I mean, kids don’t care what it looks like…but Southern women are certain to notice and critique. Best to cover up your faults with a good dash or something flashy. And if you splurge for real ribbon and not that tacky curling ribbon you get bonus points. Best to err on the side of caution and buy the wide, wired stuff. Sam’s Club has it for next to nothing for a gigantic roll. And I oh-so-helpfully gave you the direct link right there.
I’m curious about this new curbside pickup service grocery stores are offering. While I don’t have kids, I am lazy by all accounts, and I feel that I could really benefit by saving myself the 800 steps or so (I used to have a Fitbit, I can tell you a lot about distances now). And I’m sure it would save me quite a bit of money. I don’t know what gets into me in the jam aisle, not to mention the cheeses…
And I know that apple butter ain’t gonna be worth the time it took to pick it up; being raised on homemade I do have a discriminating palate. But I had a weak moment. However, the red plum and the strawberry-blackberry are both fantastic. I tried to make homemade freezer jam this summer and that was a train wreck. It’s all runny…I think I let it boil too long but what choice did I have? I was a one woman operation and pouring those jars takes a steady hand (which I don’t have) and patience (which I’m also a little short on). But it did turn out quite a vibrant shade of red. And thanks to several cups of sugar, also quite sweet.
American Pickers is on TV. It’s a good one ~ an old man that’s collected a bunch of crap over the course of his life and now he’s ready to see it off. Maybe get a little pocket money to spend on a cruise with their sweetheart. I could watch these episodes all day. It is nerve wracking when they don’t wanna sell, though. I understand about accumulating crap. I come from a long line of pack rats. My great grandmother lived through the Depression so she saved everything. I LOVED playing in her many closets and trying on all these fabulous hats. My grandmother kept every polyester pants suit she ever had, which were not nearly as enticing.
I just wanted to drop a few lines this evening, stay in the habit, you know. It’s not hard to write, my trouble is getting it to the right place. I don’t think it’s happening yet. But I’m trying.
Thanks for reading. I’m off to bake cookies.
You can ask just about anybody where their first date was with their spouse, and they can generally supply you with the name of the city and the restaurant. ‘Round here, it’s frequently “We went up to Gatlinburg.”
I had already warned him that I wasn’t a girl that ordered salads for a meal. Salads are what tide you over until the beef makes it out. And rolls. Mmmm rolls….
I digress.
It was a pretty normal date, as far as dates go. He kissed me. (!) But I couldn’t tell you much else, I had stars in my eyes, and the fact of the matter is, I’m accustomed to the beauty of the mountains at this stage in my life.
I never thought the sight of pallets would make me cry. I brought 11 from the shop….Food City brought this many:
I suppose that title isn’t exactly fair. But I’m whooped, as we say around here. The litany of problems began as soon as I purchased the theme from WordPress. That was one solid week ago. I volunteered all day Friday from daylight to dark, so what made me think I had the wherewithal to start my blog the very next day, I will never know. I paid fifty bones for a theme (I chose the prettiest one that included the words “simple” and “elegant”), and then I paid another fifty bucks for it to be installed. Now, that’s tricky business. You would think that “installed” would mean you sit back and watch a timebar (is that what those things are called?) slowly build as the program downloads to your host, amiright?
Nope. Iamwrong.
I don’t know how normal people do it, but I had to go to the live chat and plead for help. Live chat with my domain host, to be clear. They are super helpful. They’re like, “It looks like you do not have it downloaded. Shall I do that for you now?” Sooooo….what did I pay for, exactly? I hope the theme is mine forever, because it’s going to take me at least that long to learn it.
Thankfully, of the approximately 5,647 people who have begged me to write a book/ start a blog/ come tell them stories, three have been willing to help me. Maybe more than that, but two have seriously devoted time to holding my hand and commiserating with me over my laptop. One is a retired Air Force Colonel whose forte was website analytics. He helped me from step one. And he was baffled as I was at all this overload. We gave up after a few hours, promising to give it our next best shot very soon.
My Christmas tree had stood nekkid in the corner since Monday night because I hadn’t had the heart to decorate. I still didn’t, but it needed to be done. But I was so emotionally strung out, Christmas lights and my unstable self were not a favorable combination. I felt intense guilt for even having any sorrows for myself after what many of my fellow Sevier County neighbors had seen and endured this week. But, as usual, Johnny got me through it. I don’t know what I’d do without him and my own personal blogging cheerleader, Meg, who is always able to talk me down or up, whatever the situation demands.
On day two, over sausage biscuits, the Colonel and I were able to create three emails. One for business correspondence (that’s for all the Big Time publishers begging me to choose them for publishing rights), a second one for my contact page that all my starry-eyed devoted followers will write their letters of awe and praise to (uhh, that’s y’all, y’all), and the third one is what I will use for sending out response emails and the like. They are on the Outlook format, which I happen to be somewhat familiar with, as that is the type I used at the Co-op. Alrighty roo. My dear sweet cousin had made me the beautiful logo that you see up top there, with the peonies, a southern favorite. However, it was a smidge too big so she adjusted and installed it for me during our session at my creaky dining room table last night. Anyhoo, back to Kent and I last Sunday. So we struggled and cussed and googled and cussed some more while Johnny strolled by occasionally, popping peanut M&Ms in his mouth while somewhat sympathetically eyeing our work over our heads. I got set up with Amazon ads but I’m still waiting for approval with Google. We obviously didn’t get the ads plugged into my theme, so if you’ve got helpful hints on doing so, please leave a comment. I know how to answer them…I learned about an hour ago.
I had put blogging out of my mind this week while I tried to concentrate on work, and being a good Christian servant to those in need, and cooking supper for Shug. Yesterday afternoon, after I finished all my runnin’ (including the fourth and FINAL trip to my cobbler who is twenty miles away) my dear sweet lovely clever talented cousin (you see how badly I need her, right?) came to help me. She hauled her Very Large and Extremely Expensive Apple monitor over here. I had discovered my Outlook trial period had ran out on all the emails I had created precisely five days prior and I was positively freaking out. We were making some progress (or rather, she was, I was chopping onions and praying) when Bluehost crashed. All our headway was potentially lost. And my logo was repeated about fourteen times in the header.
At this time, I began to drink from my rather giant bottle of Riesling.
Like every other blogger (and I use that term loosely when describing myself, for obvious reasons) I called the help desk. I got some poor bloke who was clearly at a loss and was relieved when I invoked all my southern charm on him when I assured myself that “Everything will be fine and reset itself, when y’all get back up and runnin’ right?” Obviously he was taken by my accent and agreed with everything I said. My dear sweet lovely clever talented cousin decided to undertake the Outlook email issue. She got on the horn –I mean, live chat– with some lady who thought the solution to my problem was another $109 dollars to install it. I wasn’t so inclined.
So this morning I get fired up about it all over again and attempt to log in and with fingers crossed and pixie dust, I pulled up this lovely site once more.
And Amy’s Appalachia was displayed about fourteen times across the back.
And when I logged into my dashboard, the background turned black.
And then I burned the toast.
And then I cried.
And then Johnny held me.
And I logged back into live chat with Bluehost. After one hour, and several un-Christianlike thoughts later, I had my email back up! No $109 required by me! Suck it, Microsoft. Unfortunately, she couldn’t help me with the tiled logo look, or the Amazon issue. She said I had to talk to WordPress. Kill me now, they have no 800 number, it’s all forums. Did I tell you that already? I fiddled with it but never got anywhere. I decided to hit the “Go Live” and see what happened.
Well, it became active. I’m here now. So I decided to post my blurb from last night on Facebook. I titled it Honeymoonin’, slapped a picture on there, and posted it. Shazam!
And….you can see the Texas Roadhouse link, and me and hubby smoochin’, and that was it. Where were my WORDS?! My beautiful words!!
Back to the forum I go. They’re suggesting pretty serious stuff, from what I can make out. Like, uninstalling my plugins. No thank you. I only have like, ten, and they look pretty crucial to me. The other solutions used techie words like “limits” and codes that I don’t even understand. But my positively brilliant cousin suggested that perhaps the words were white. That sounds simple, right? But after carefully inspecting my editing page I couldn’t find a thing besides bold or italics. I decided to try the theme page. Once I located the correct place AHA!!! There it was! So I adjusted the text color to a historic grey (can you tell? Does it look like boring black? I promise it’s not).
I think that’s all for now. I’m still in my pajamas (it’s 1:46), my work Christmas party is at six at the upper end of Pigeon Forge, and our bed still isn’t made. And I’m obviously gonna have to do something about my hair. I’m gonna attempt to post this and pray it loads to the right spot, wherever that might be, and hope y’all weren’t too bored reading about my trials and tribulations. Believe me, I feel loads of guilt complaining about anything. But that’s been my Blogging Journey this far. Thanks for reading.
In order for me to digest a book I must first be able to concentrate.
I have not been afforded that luxury the last couple of weeks with all the trauma in our county, so I’m behind.
Words that come to mind to describe this novel: bland, pointless, dragging, boring. Maybe with all the fires and displaced families in my county right now a rich girl’s love life just didn’t do it for me with the hand kissing and drama with a furtive photograph.
I had high hopes for The Fortune Hunter but it fell short. I liked An American Heiress well enough. So why didn’t I like this? It had all the makings of what I normally love: historical fiction, well-off people, horses, etcetera. Maybe my timing was off. But I didn’t care for it. The only truly enjoyable character was Casper, he was brimming with life while the rest of them just seemed to drift by shrouded in fog. There were three predominant stories: one, Charlotte’s love for photography, the Empress’ love for Bay, and Bay’s love for Tipsy, his horse who jumps hedges supposedly 18 feet tall. Everybody else is filler, and the Lennox diamonds never got enough action for my taste. I was not excited to finish, and if I had to read one more word about Sisi’s lines around her eyes…
Not every book I read has the ability to lilt me to sleep, but this one did. And for that, I bequeath it two stars.
“Start a blog,” they urged.
“It’s easy!!!” they promised.
“They” is y’all, and y’all are crazy.
It is neither easy nor fun.
And you better get to clickin’ when I share it so I can recoup my $300.
Yes, I’m serious.
I’m a writer, not a web designer, but to have a blog you have to be both, plus a photographer, a marketing executive, & a minor in computer programming is advised.
So I’m irritated & frustrated & I start to cry because I’ve accomplished not one thing I’ve set out to do today, & I can’t concentrate on my book that I should have had the review turned in for at the absolute LATEST last Sunday, so I decide to decorate the tree we purchased Monday as the county turned into an inferno. It’s stood naked in the corner all week.
Christmas lights. The absolute WORST idea when you’re already mad.
So then I’m that much more upset because how ridiculous am I that I’m aggravated about untangling Christmas lights & setting up my blog when people in this county have NOTHING FROM THEIR FORMER LIFE. In some cases, no life at all.
So then I’m crying so hard I can’t breathe, so I did what I do.
I picked up my phone, not my laptop, & blurted out my crazy to my Facebook FRIENDS, but I’m tempted to make it public so they know I’m not a saint. I’m just another overwhelmed Volunteer State hillbilly.
I have lots of things to say about yesterday. I plan to open a blog today to get it all out of me, & will share the link as soon as I have it.
For now, it will have to be enough for me to say that the outpouring of generosity from ALL OVER AMERICA is something special. I moved chicken cages with a local friend, Donna Parton, a teenager from Georgia, & two guys from Knoxville. One of them had a broken arm but he was still helping.
I moved hay that was donated by a man from Jamestown with one of my old co-workers. His wife has manned the fairgrounds tirelessly since the county made the decision to open it to displaced animals.
Thank you David Majors for answering my tears & pleading with a MUCH NEEDED fork machine. And Gary was a welcome sight.
Thank you Co-op. It’s good to know people in the right places. Thank you Leanne Anke for taking the evacuated horses back to their home on your day off.
Thanks to the businesses who are donating their people, their products, & their dollars towards this catastrophic incident. Food City had sent a tractor trailer full yesterday, Borden Dairy another, & I didn’t catch the names of several others in & out.
I spoke with a gentleman at the Rescue Squad that Lisega (the new factory on Dumplin Valley Road in Kodak) had sent on their dime to work. Lots of local restaurants are keeping these volunteers fed. And fed well–I saw Krispy Kreme boxes but somehow missed their contents. Cyndie and Kay I hope you can stay sane. If not, we can go decompress again. I’m always game for that.
I swept floors & moved tables & sorted supplies with people whom I was too busy to get their stories. We laughed & we cried & we worked.
I directed volunteers & people with donations & loaded a truck for a pregnant girl who had been sent to get dog food from a hotel with guests that had been through hell with their pets. I teared up again & again as people who didn’t look like they had a dime handed over bags of supplies & the occasional envelope.
I reunited with old customers of mine who were there to lend a hand.
We were all there to help & our hearts were of one purpose. It was good to be together & safe.
Show up somewhere today if you can. I don’t know what you’ll be doing, but it will change your life & your heart, I will promise you that.
~Sevier County Fairgrounds, 752 Old Knoxville Highway Sevierville
~Sevier County Rescue Squad, 1171 Dolly Parton Parkway, Sevierville
~old Boyds Bears location, 149 Cates Lane, Pigeon Forge
~The Barker Lounge/ Pets Without Parents might also appreciate volunteers.
~New Hope on 66, (2450 Winfield Dunn Parkway, Kodak) needs help sorting & delivering to Boyds Bears. They are not a part of the Red Cross effort & all supplies are staying in the county.
~Leconte Landing (where the news has been stationed, Teaster Lane) is being run by Red Cross I do believe.
Postscript: I laugh as I think of a comment I heard yesterday: “I guess the red cross knows where to have their next disaster.”
Yeah. It’s like that. And a lady I met with the Humane Society opened up to me a little & said she had a family member in another state that was willing to house horses. Of course I thanked her & ticked off five or six of my personal friends in the county who had already offered. She kinda cocked her head & smiled a little & said, “That’s right. Y’all take care of your own, don’t you?”
I stood a little prouder & smiled.
#smokiesstrong #proudtobeatennesseevolunteer
