Once upon a time, there was a girl named Anna.
She always seemed so worldy, even though we were the same age. She delighted in being Southern, and knew all about growing a garden even though she lived in a house in a subdivision. She had a raspy smoker’s voice, even at 15, because she smoked. She smoked because her mother smoked, and her mother probably smoked because her father smoked. She was wild; she was as close to free as you can be at sixteen. Maybe it was because she had two older brothers and her mom was tired. Maybe her mom was depressed. Is there a difference?
At any rate, Anna rarely said no, and was always available to run to Long John Silvers for a box of crunchies, sunroof open, ashes flying out the window as she shifted with her cigarette clenched between her teeth. There was always some guy hollering, and she, without fail, had a contact for buying cigarettes, booze, or pot. She was one of the first people I ever knew that bleached her hair with more than lemon juice and crossed fingers while laying in a plastic chair in the yard for hours on end.
She was a little fast for me, and I didn’t see much of her after she dropped out to complete her GED.
Anna had a tinkly laugh, a carefree demeanor, and would give you her last stick of Big Red gum.
I saw her once or twice in my adult years. We didn’t run in the same circles, but shared the same hometown. We attended the fifteen year high school reunion and sat at the same table with our husbands, drinking beer and being thankful we made it through. I remember she complained about her neighbors playing loud music while she was trying to get her baby girls to sleep.
Four years later, in 2016, our paths crossed again. She came in the Co-Op. She pleaded with me. I had no words to save her. She was lost as a soul can be.
She’d lost her mother, she’d lost her children, she was in the process of losing her daddy, and we had no way of knowing, but she was fixing to lose her long term boyfriend.
Twenty years out of high school and it had been nothing but loss and addiction. She clung to the fact that the Lord may still love her, despite her faults.
I was out of my depth. I called on y’all to pray for a lost soul. No name given.
Two former classmates reached out. And over the years, we occasionally touched base to compare notes.
A few weeks ago, I felt compelled to search for Anna on here again. After the loss of Matt in 2017, she pretty much dropped off. We all knew nothing good would come of this.
Today, one of the girls from our class messaged me.
Anna passed away January 17th of this year.
She had been living at Emmanuel House in Carthage, Tennessee, active in the church and was acting as a sponsor. I am told she did exceptionally well there. She fell ill in December. I have no further details, but I hope and pray she was released from her demons and nonstop torment. All we ever want is love and peace.
Thinking about Anna and her life of turmoil, I am left with is a sense of belonging and assurance that no matter who you are, you will be missed by people you have probably long forgotten or that you mistakenly believe have forgotten about you. Her last message to me concluded, “…but one day at a time. Thats the most I can do rt now. Sometimes thats too much. I love you for caring so much Amy. There needs to be more people like you n the world. Please keep praying for me.”
Tears tonight for an extremely sweet girl, whose heart was always in the right place. Prayers brought her back around into the light, and I pray for you to reach out and open your heart if there’s something you need to lay down. It is NEVER too late, until it is. We’re all scarred, we’re all imperfect, we all have addictions. Some kill us slow and some kill us quickly. We gotta have the hard conversations with ourselves and with God. Those who love us will still be standing.

~Somebody To Love
Kacey Musgraves
We’re all hoping, we’re all hopeless
We’re all thorns and we’re all roses
We’re all looking down our noses at ourselves
We’re all flawed and we’re all perfect
We’re all lost and we’re all hurting
And just searching for somebody to love

We’re all liars, we’re all legends
We’re all tens, I’d want elevens
We’re all trying to get to heaven, but not today
We’re all happy, we’re all hating
We’re all patiently impatient
And just waiting for somebody to love

We’re all good, but we ain’t angels
We all sin, but we ain’t devils
We’re all pots and we’re all kettles
But we can’t see it in ourselves
We’re all living ’til we’re dying
We ain’t cool, but man, we’re trying
Just thinking we’ll be fixed by someone else

We all wrangle with religion
We all talk, but we don’t listen
We’re all starving for attention, then we’ll run
We’re all paper, we’re all scissors
We’re all fighting with our mirrors
Scared we’ll never find somebody to love

We’re all good, but we ain’t angels
We all sin, but we ain’t devils
We’re all pots and we’re all kettles
But we can’t see it in ourselves
We’re all living ’til we’re dying
We ain’t cool, but man, we’re trying
Thinking we’ll be fixed by someone else

Just trying to hold it all together
We all wish our best was better
Just hoping that forever’s really real
We’ll miss a dime to grab a nickel
Overcomplicate the simple
We’re all little kids just looking for love
Yeah, don’t we all just want somebody to love?