The WordPress prompt the other day was “What would you ask your pet if they could talk?” And my initial thought was, “Are you happy here?” but then I decided that was a waste, because any idiot can see that my dog is exuberant and ecstatic. He’s completely boundless, is what he is. So that would be a waste. Then I thought I’d ask him if he was hot, but that would be foolish, too, because what was I gonna do? Shave him like a llama? No. I was still thinking about it the following morning because I’m neurotic and thought I might perhaps ask him if he remembered his time before here, at the shelter or on the streets. But I didn’t want to bring up bad memories for him, or encourage a lot of questions that I don’t have the answer to.
Then there was the possibility of what Chester would ask me. What if he desires a better standard of living? More trips to the Chickalay, more people visiting, more bacon and cheese? This wouldn’t do at all.

So I decided that it was probably best we can’t talk to each other.

However, if he was feeling poorly this would certainly have its merits. When he’s limping, I could ask if he fell off the couch or porch when I wasn’t home. If he was doing the weird bark, I could ask what he thinks is outside instead of me assuming it’s a skunk and not letting him out. But I suppose, on the whole, we’re better off in the dark. Actions speak louder than words and clearly he’s the picture of absolute contentment.

Dogs, man.