I feel like this should be all about guns. But instead it’s gonna be all about Christmas.

I really gotta get started on my shopping. Since Lisa isn’t in my life anymore, I don’t have to stress on not having a good enough gift. She should have just always taken advantage of my organizational and cleaning skills and had me come down the week before Christmas to get her house (and life) in order in years past. And no husband to buy for, and I don’t buy for JA, so I’m good there. But that still leaves my aunt, my cousin, Angela, and I always get Susan and Cynthia a little something. I’ll see them next week at the holiday meeting, so I need to be getting on that. I would be hunting Em something on Amazon so it will ship directly to her (by the time I posted this, it had arrived!) Fish brought me a bag of books and cookies last year, so I should really look for him something, too. Jake shouldn’t be expecting anything, but knowing him, he probably will. And I need to hunt some stuff for a better topper for my tree at home. That dilapidated bow is downright pathetic. Additionally, I’d like to have a new top or two for parties. Something red and sparkly, to match my personality 😘😁

You remember the horror that was TJ Maxx the other day, so I decided to go early today and hopefully beat the rush. I haven’t been able to get that wreath out of my head, either, so I’ve made my mind up I’m gonna get it if they still have one. It’s just too beautiful to let slip by. Lo and behold, they had two left!! Praise be. The crowd was manageable, and I even found me some perfume. Why have I not been taking more advantage of this place? I’ve been giving full price for cosmetics and everything else all these years, Of course I had to peruse the dog toys and naturally I couldn’t help but find Chess a few more, even though I swore after last year I wouldn’t go overboard again. He gets distracted and tired of opening. It’s hard to keep him on task. But there was this bat I just couldn’t hardly do without. Maybe I will save it for Halloween or the first time I see a bat next spring when I’m sitting on the porch. You know, commemorate the occasion. I found some socks that looked like Angela, and Aunt Brenda some, too. So, if you’re keeping track, I have bought myself two gifts, Chester three, one small thing each for Aunt Brenda & Angela, and zero for Chelsey, Fish, Susan, and Cynthia. Kay and I don’t exchange gifts, we pay the other one’s tabs once in our birthday month. But I was in line and saw these adorable slippers that have martini glasses on them and knew they would be perfect for her. I like running up on stuff like that. If I had any sense, I would buy all year long as I see stuff instead of stressing myself out in the final hours.
Since I didn’t find anything dazzling to wear for my parties, and I was right at Belk, I thought I should pop in there. I found one top I dearly loved, red and sequined with fun batwing sleeves. It was $70!!!! I calculated discounts and coupons and got it down to $50. My budget was $30. Well, my budget is zero, but I was willing to give $30. I got on Amazon before I left and found a pretty one in my price range and ordered it, after staring wistfully at some shoes that I desperately wanted. Can you blame me? They’re FABULOUS.

They were also $120. Soooo I’ll be waiting awhile on those.

While I was on that end of the world, I ran in Dollar Tree for those little Christmas tree shaped plastic containers and retaining hope I might find some floral for my tree. Nada on both counts. I wasn’t surprised. On to Nagano. I was ahead of schedule, and honestly not all that hungry, but I didn’t want to come back out later. I was still able to eat it all. Either the portions are getting smaller or I’m eating more. We’re gonna go with smaller portions.

Got back to the office and discovered I’d been running around with a wad of hair clinging to my shirt. Lovely. 🙃

I decided to help JA out with a tree. He’s such a Scrooge. But I remember he always liked it after Misty and I got the place decorated. He can piss and moan all he wants to, I know he likes the attention. On my way out there, I went by that store on 66 that has been all the rage for tightwads like me. Yesterday the handymen were telling me they’ve got 5 gallons of laundry detergent for $25. That’s a steal!!! Tide or Gain, your choice. I was also hoping to find some pretty floral crap to use as a tree topper. They used to have tons when it was the Christmas place, but I haven’t been in there in years and years. I walked in and was immediately accosted by the sheer volume of stuff. It put me in the mind of Hammers; lots of one thing, but not the size you need. And no luck on the floral, either. That stuff was so old it was beginning to deteriorate. Like, literally, the boxes it had never been unpacked from were rotting, the plastic was yellowed and brittle, and the silk looked faded and dusty. I was poking around a swag of magnolias when the lights went out. I kind of squeaked and began digging for my phone for the flashlight, “Do you need me to turn them back on?” A voice called.
“Oh, no, that’s alright, I’ve got a flashlight.” I noticed she didn’t say sorry. I’d heard her talking to some other shoppers a few minutes ago, but I was down a side aisle. I didn’t think she’d seen me, but clearly she had. And instead of informing me the store was closing, she just shut the lights down. I wasn’t aware we were in Georgia.
And I still had three minutes, according to the clock on my phone.
Hmph. I didn’t want any of your junk, anyway.
I made my way back out, noticing she turned the lights back on and left them on. Hateful. I used to pull that trick at Corning, but I never shut ALL the lights off. I feel like that’s a hazard.

At any rate, I arrived at John Alan’s, gave him the hug that Emily provided specific directions on how to execute, and so began the Quest for a Christmas Tree. Our first stop was Big Lots, just because he volunteered. I knew they wouldn’t have the one we sought. This is what I had in mind:

I figured that was the best I could hope for for a cowboy. It didn’t take up much room, there would be no fluffing to speak of, and it wouldn’t look right with a bunch of ornaments. After I showed him a picture of it, he was on board, too. Quick run through Lowes (zilch, but he did find a way to hit on a cashier- he must’ve already forgot about the two at Big Lots he smiled and waved at), and then the dreaded Walmart. No skinny trees to be found. He refused to buy balls or a star until we have the tree. I have explained that doesn’t matter. But there’s no reasoning with him. However, I did convince him to just stop at Papa Johns instead of wasting his money on DoorDash when we are LITERALLY RIGHT HERE. He placed the order inside and we went next door to the liquor store for provisions. That place is DANGEROUS. You come out on like a dock and there is not a handrail in sight, just three steep concrete steps. I mean, lets think about the clientele. I feel like this is a lawsuit ready to happen. JA says you really gotta want it to go in there.
I was honestly surprised to find my wine. It looked like a Mad Dogg 20/20 kind of joint, if you catch my drift. I guess they can’t all be upscale.

So, outfitted with two bottles of bourbon, a bottle of Meiomi, two pizzas, cheesesticks, but treeless, we make our way back home. JA thought he might be able to watch the serial killer movie since it was about a serial killer and not poltergeists.
But then he called Robert to join us and of course any hope of watching anything went out the window. We gotta talk about all the other stuff we’ve watched. But I’m not complaining. He brought me banana bread muffins with white chocolate, straight outta the oven. I didn’t have the heart to tell him I’d just made a loaf myself. I just crammed one in my piehole and told him how very delicious it was (and that’s no joke, it was fluffier than mine).
So even though, sadly, our crusade for the perfect cowboy tree was unproductive, it was a good night. For me, anyway. I learned that after Robert and I left, JA went to his sister’s to see his first great-nephew and took a coughing fit and passed out!! Just hit the floor like a ton of bricks. He doesn’t remember it, said last thought he had was going to get his coat and he woke up to Taylor crying and everybody leaned over him. The general consensus is he had a Vagaled nerve incident. We hope that’s all it is. He’s always been dramatic 🤣

Love from Appalachia,
~Amy