Obsession.
It ain’t healthy. You can drive yourself crazy. The mind is so incredibly powerful, and self destructive. I will always claim the key is staying busy, but it’s also vital to protect your mind from negativity. Limit your exposure to harmful media, people, and situations to maintain a healthy mental space. I think a good walk outside can work wonders for clearing your head. Some people like to take a liberating drive, but I live in Sevier County, Tennessee, which is a tourist mecca and a den of terrible drivers from near and far. So a walk is a much safer option. I have certainly pounded the pavement around the office many times in the six and a half years I’ve worked here. And I’m better for it. I even walked it barefoot once. It’s a sure way to beat the blues. The madder you are, the harder you can stomp. And, best of all, it gives you new things to look at. Sometimes, when I’m feeling sorry for myself or thinking this is the lowest I can go, I’ll pass Jason zipping along in his wheelchair, calling out friendly greetings to all around. And I think, “Amy, you are so spoiled. And so ignorant.”
Sam said when one of his sons was in the NICU with encephalitis, he’d be sitting there, despondent, wondering if he would pull through, but you’d look around and there would be parents making decisions, crying, heartbroken, who have already lost their child. Or people getting updates that weren’t favorable. “You don’t have to look far to find people worse off than you,” he would always say.
We all have our problems. Some are on display, some are tucked away deep. But I guarantee you if your problems were thrown in a pile with everybody else’s, you’d jerk yours back PDQ. No marriage is perfect, nobody’s house is that picturesque, nobody’s kids are doing as great as they let on. If they love their job, they have relationships in the gutter, if their husband hung the moon, he’s probably secretly a control freak. If they’ve got gobs of money, he probably shows no affection. If they’re always on vacation, or shopping, or drinking, what are they running from?
If they’ve got a dog, well, they’ve got something. 🥰
But obsessing over someone else’s life that you perceive as perfect, or dissecting their every post and picture isn’t going to solve your problems. It is also a waste of time trying to read into their social media posts. You can see whatever you want to see, but it probably has NOTHING to do with you. You’re only making yourself crazy. Get it together. Start with your junk drawer in the kitchen, that always makes me feel better to throw out dry-rotted rubber bands and dried up ink pens.
And that’s just watching the people you know. I’m speaking from experience here. A girl I used to know looked like she had the perfect life: friends, money, a beautiful home, she didn’t work….but I knew the truth behind the Instagram. A drinking problem, kid flunking school, a volatile relationship with her husband. Another girl with all the Louis Vuitton and Chanel and big fancy vacations is full to the brim of family problems, too. It’s the “influencers” who influence us to think nothing is ever good enough. It’s the celebrities who act and sing as if they haven’t got a care in the world. You can’t compete, and why do you want to? Life is messy enough without comparing your dumpster fire to someone else’s.
And you know I get humbled on the regular, so I don’t bother scrutinizing those perfect farmhouse kitchens and manicured flowerbeds. Here’s your Amy Incident for today: As you can imagine I was dragging a little bit, just from being spoiled about being at home in pajamas and no shoes or makeup for four days. Well, three and a half. I had made my coffee last night and THOUGHT I hit the button for it to come on at 6, but obviously not, because I was not awakened by the glorious smell of Columbian beans. Anyway, started that and came awake gradually. I’d showered last night, so I just had to wash my face and put on my makeup and fix my hair. I took my coffee to the vanity so I could sip as I got ready. I was taking my medicines out of the cabinet when a bottle fell directly into my coffee mug. It was my sugar pill. I quickly lifted it out, and surprisingly, several pills remained inside the bottle because the little cylinder for freshness must have plugged up the hole. But it fell out into the coffee when I retrieved the bottle, so IDK how many fell into the coffee. I drank it anyway. But the time I got to the bottom there was definitely a residue and it tasted weird, so obviously I didn’t take any additional pills. I will be urinating like a stray dog marking his territory today, no doubt.
Which brings me to prompt for today: are you more of a night or morning person?
I prefer mornings, before anyone has an opportunity to aggravate me. At night I have a hard time winding down. Plus I’m left with all the ways I came up short, all the things I failed to do. Mornings are a fresh start. I can make a list and set to checking things off with a great sense of accomplishment. I can make a conscious effort not to choose violence. I start every day the same: water, bathroom, coffee, Wordle, Connections, and my three thankfuls to Emily. I have had those days where my thankfuls were “I’m glad I made it to the bathroom unassisted” {harkening back to my leg injury days of summer}, “thankful for technology to stay in communication with friends I can’t see regularly”, “thankful for hot water”. You know, normal things that we take for granted. Today, among other things, I was thankful for warm clothes and boots. And a CHOICE. It’s not like I only have one coat, and one sweater, and one pair of shoes. But there are plenty of people in this world, heck, in this county, who don’t even have that. So I’m blessed.
You’d be surprised how having positive thoughts early in the morning can alter your mindset.
Also, hearing “Here I Go Again” by Whitesnake will lift your spirits, too.
Talking to John Alan about Christmas trees decidedly will NOT.
I drug my tree for the office out, along with all associated decor. It’s shedding like a Husky dog. I don’t know how many years it has left. I had a pile to sweep up just after I got the lights twined around it. But it’s been a good one; I can’t complain. The $14.99 price tag from KMart is still stuck to the box. 😳I turned up my Spotify Christmas playlist and went to untangling lights and assembling it, one molting twig at a time. Once I got it together and lit, I was definitely ready for a break. Wings? Yes, a brilliant idea. The guy who was working at Wingstop last time (the who gave me the free brownie) was in there again today, and we got to talking, and lo and behold I know him and didn’t know it. He’s the son of my friend Cyndie!! I was like, “Wait, I thought you lived….off from here??” (code for incarcerated).
He knew I knew then. And all the “sweethearts” got dropped 🤣🤣 And there was no free brownie today. Oh well.
Back to work, back to the tree. Kevin called midday and I was as honest with him as I could be. Bottom line: I don’t want to come. Reasons being A, B, C. I feel like I need to submit a report, complete with footers and cross referenced. I’ve been through this with him half a dozen times now.
I’d no more than got off the phone with him when Dave called, then the handymen showed up. I’d figured they’d forgot about us, or got covered up with a true emergency. I was never gonna get the tree decorated.
But I did. It looks a little more slapdash than usual, but I thought I needed to get it knocked out before some other chaotic incident occurred. And we did have a producer come by in the midst of toilet swapping, but he appeared unfazed. He just thought we were a happenin’ joint.
Jake was all about his new “throne”. He couldn’t wait to get in there. I’m telling you, that boy is a different breed of disgusting.
I got home and decided to make banana bread from my freckly bananas. I’d soaked my raisins in the rum last night and they’d plumped up quite a bit. Made me miss my Uncle Dale, he always wanted the raisin rum. It turned out very nice, and didn’t fall. When I switched my overhead stove light on to snap a pic, the light blew. So here I went with that. I couldn’t get the latch to flex so I ended up manhandling it out of there and of course the little lip thing broke. So now it’s taped and no one will ever know, besides me and you. And all that led me to cleaning the filter things for the blower. They were yellowed and greasy. I should have noticed them when I cleaned the cabinets.
Sevierville and everywhere else was getting snow, and it was sticking, but it didn’t do a blasted thing here. Disappointing. If it’s gonna be this cold, it needs to do something!
Between the banana bread, snow (even if it was everywhere but at home), and my trees being all bedecked, it’s beginning to feel like Christmas for sure. Maybe if I keep putting on a brave face, it’ll feel like it in my heart eventually.
Love from Appalachia,
~Amy
Writing prompt: “What could you do less of?” Well, overthinking, for one. Reading comments on…
02 December 2024I’ve mentioned that my friend Emily and I exchange three thankfuls every morning…
02 December 2024
Leave A Comment