I will say, after missing two days in a row, it’s easy to want to miss the third. I would compare it to church. The more you miss, the easier it is to lay out. Really, it goes for anything that takes discipline- a diet, trying to make any sort of lifestyle change. I didn’t participate in Lent this year and I find myself missing it keenly. When I get a pang, I feel led to pray about whatever’s on my mind that day. I have sent out six sympathy cards in the last week, so there’s no shortage of people or things to pray for and about.

It’s funny, sometimes you anticipate something for so long, say Christmas, and then it’s there and gone and you’re not sure you actually savored every moment. I try not to let anything go unappreciated and I try not to wish my life away. We’d all be better off if we could live like dogs- just in this moment, not pining for yesterday or desiring what’s to come. There’s always something coming down the pike to be excited about, and conversely, something to dread. Better just to be excited to be alive in this moment, on this day, and see what happens.

I’m at the Tennessee Association of Conservation Districts Convention in Murfreesboro. I have seen many familiar faces but I don’t know that this group will ever mean to me what my Co-op family did. There are only a few I would consider friends, and only a handful reach out to extend invitations to me for lunches and dinners. I know very little of their personal lives. I guess this is how it goes when you come to a new career when you’re middle-aged. I was fresh-faced and bright-eyed when I went to work at Co-op and I grew into my position with so many people my own age. It’s hard when you’re older and all the cliques and friendships are already established. They can tout about being a family and blah blah blah but I have found myself feeling like a third wheel almost every moment of every workshop and Convention the last five years.
Yes, it’s been five years. I got the certificate to prove it today. It’s on nice thick paper. I kinda smirked when I strutted up to get it because I felt some eyes bore into me. I know many thought I’d never make it. It wouldn’t be an easy role for just anyone looking for an office position, as the high turnover in other offices is proving as the older secretaries retire. But I’ve always felt like a little round peg in a little round hole when dealing with my job locally. The thirteen years at the Co-op are certainly to thank for my confidence and networking alliances.
I’m sitting here in my room, fighting with my laptop that refuses to charge, struggling to write, and wondering if I should bother changing clothes before the banquet. I’m happy to wear what I’ve got on, it’s plenty nice enough, but I think I might be needing a little sparkle. It’s been a rainy day here, and I find that sparkles always help, especially on rainy days.
This is not to say it’s been a bad day. No, not at all! Tried a new place for lunch- BJ’s, and it was okay, but it was an accident that we ate there. I was hunting Miller’s Ale House and missed the road because there was supposed to be an IHOP at the turn. Heaven forbid I bother reading road signs. Anyway, got the bacon guacamole burger, and I will say they do not scrimp on the guac, which pleases me.
I miss Chester, but luckily Auntie Angela got back today and is looking after him until I get back tomorrow.

I guess I’m just melancholy for what I feel like I must be missing. I don’t even know if I know what that is. I know I miss having tons of ideas for blogs. I feel that I’ve already written about everything and very little new material is transpiring. I don’t think I’m blocked because I can turn most of those writing prompts into something, even if they don’t feel deep, they are genuine. I’m just kind of grey right now. Nothing is wrong, I’m just not teeming with brilliance. It just all feels like rot.

I owe y’all a poem for yesterday’s post but….I’m having trouble pulling something together, if you can believe that. Wanted to get this knocked out, in the very least, so if I don’t write any more tonight I’m still only one behind.

I’m gonna wear the sparkles. I don’t think I can go wrong.

Love from Appalachia~ er, rather, the bowl of the state,

~Amy