I have a friend who recently set sail on her first cruise. She was so excited, as I was for her. I was talking to another mutual friend and he was issuing all sorts of concerns and disbelief that she was going while news circulated of the murders and various crimes that were happening in the vicinity. “Wait, where is it, exactly, that she’s going?” I asked him, thinking I had missed something. After all, I don’t watch the news, but I do tend to get wind of major events one way or another. “I don’t know,” he admitted. “Well, where were all these killings you’re talking about?” “I dunno, my wife was just telling me, she saw it on the news last night.”

I rolled my eyes and tried not to blow air too obnoxiously through my nose. “When you go to these islands, they tell you it’s not safe to leave the resort. I don’t know how cruises work, but surely if there’s a bunch of calamity, the don’t de-board. Or they take you elsewhere. They don’t want you killed, it’s bad for business. Word gets out.”

For the record, my friend had an absolutely FABULOUS time and wants to go back. There was no scalping, stabbing, or purse snatching, to the best of my knowledge.

Almost all my life, every time I’ve went on vacation alone, I had a naysayer in my life, telling me to hold off, there’s a hurricane coming. Or maybe take someone with me, there’s a killer on the loose. I don’t mean to be ugly, but I feel like I’m better off by myself most of the time. Not everybody is as vigilant as me, and careful about not sharing certain details to strangers at the bar, like how long I’m in town and what my plans are, and where I’m from, and where I’m staying and who I’m with (Lisa. I’m talking about Lisa. She tells everything she knows to everybody we meet and I pinch her under the bar and she says “ow!”). I think most people would slow me down in the event of an emergency because I’d have to save their ass, too. Because nobody wants to carry a gun; it’s too much trouble. Nobody wants to stay sober enough, it’s not much fun. It’s a whole lot less fun being dead, I can promise you that.

People will tell you that you shouldn’t go wherever for one reason or another. They will try to stand in your way with what seems to be reasonable explanations. But love and adventure cannot be stopped. It can be thwarted but you must overcome any fears and most cautionary tales from people who rarely leave the safety of their hometown. It’s worth it every time, at least in my experience. It’s hard to grow in knowledge if you live the same life every day. And even when I’ve done things that when I look back I realize weren’t the smartest, I still don’t have regrets. Maybe I’m a narcissist, but I know that I gained something from every choice, wrong or right. And for the most part, I’ve had a really good time with very few regrets. I’ve seen some awesome country and had some breathtaking moments that I would have definitely missed out on if I had listened to some people.

I’ve had a few conversations this week with various people where we’ve talked about perspective. Nearly twenty years ago, Lisa had a job as the Activities Coordinator at a local nursing home. The job is self explanatory, and largely thankless. During this time, she had to have surgery on her feet and was in a wheelchair for a month. She said that certainly gave her some insight into why certain activities weren’t feasible to the participants and she knocked these exercises off the rotation. You would think in order to be on the list of things to do they had already been vetted. Clearly that is not the case. Because nobody cared enough to put their self in that position.

I can complain about traffic here and you’ll think I’m exaggerating until you drive in it. The sitting is the easy part. I’m talking about the multitudes of idiots manning their machine, oblivious to others and the rules of the road. That’s what’s scary. All I’m saying is it’s easy to make assumptions and think that people exaggerate until you live it. I’ll use Lisa as an example again, because she doesn’t mind, and we have lots of life experiences together. Back when I worked at Co-op and the fencing company, I spent the vast majority of my day on the phone. Lots of you witnessed it. Lots of you contributed to it 😁😉❤️ and that’s fine, that’s what paid my bills. But it’s harrowing, and it drains the brain. The last thing I wanted to do when I got home was talk on the phone some more. No matter if it was to my bestie, and not someone needing a delivery or advice. I was just mentally fried and wanted to be left in peace. Lisa didn’t—and still doesn’t— understand. She only knows that she was cooped up at home with three kids, two dogs, and a parakeet and wanted to tell me how she succeeded in keeping the house from going up in an inferno yet again. I hadn’t lived her life (and didn’t want to), and she hadn’t lived mine. So we were often at an impasse. But if she had spent a week or two in my Justins, or if I spent the day in her Old Navy flip flops, maybe we’d get it.

I was watching the Golden Girls today and was struck by something so simplistic, so normal, so commonplace. Dorothy made a date with a guy she was smitten with in high school. Who did she rush to tell? She whizzed past Rose and blew past Blanche to get to her mother. Not everyone has that. Not everyone has a mother who is their best friend, with gentle advice and non-judgmental observations. (That doesn’t describe Sophia, either, but she did call Dorothy “pussycat”, so I guess that’s something). Or the daddy who always has time for their child, whether it be fixing a bicycle chain or listening to complaints about how “Mom just doesn’t understand”. Not everybody has boundless, uncomplicated, unconditional love from traditional sources. Not everyone’s sister is their best friend, and not everyone’s brother stuck up for them. And the people who are fortunate enough to have it rarely understand it in those who don’t. They say things like, “Call them, they’re the only one you’ve got.” Well, sure. But why would you want to? You don’t miss what you never had.

It’s all of us, all the time. Am I constantly thankful I can walk around, unaided, on my own two God-given legs? No. Am I appreciative of my eyeglasses, my lightweight corrective lenses so that I can see to read and write and admire sunrises and sunsets and how precious my dog looks when he’s sleeping? (See below) No, I am a total snob and self-centered when it comes to so much. Clothes to wash? A chore. A porch to sweep? A burden. A car to take for an oil change? Ugh, why did I remind myself? Even getting up to go to work is sometimes a dreaded activity. But what if I had to walk to a grueling job I hated? What if I didn’t have anything good to eat in my refrigerator, or no means of cooking it? What if I was supposed to be on a special diet and couldn’t even enjoy food? I ain’t thankful for hardly nothin’, until it tears up. Then I’m just aggravated.

It’s all in our perspective.

So as we start a new week, I hope that for everything we dread, we can name at least five things we’re looking forward to. So it may set in to raining again, but we know that we need the groundwater reserves. We know we need moisture in the atmosphere. We know it won’t rain forever. Rain makes corn…and corn makes whiskey…you know the rest.

Love and trying to remember grace in Appalachia,

~Amy