Here we are. Day 2. The day where many of us are back at work. Although I learned that University of Tennessee students don’t begin until January 22nd. That’s some break! I dressed up, I curled my hair, I put on makeup…it’s all a ruse. I am here only in body. Everything feels just a bit off kilter. I can’t explain it. But, on a much brighter note, I got a free car wash today! It is unknown if the guy took pity on me (Maggie had bird doo on the door and probably elsewhere, I’ve been trying not to look too closely) or if I look like the type to gripe and he wasn’t gonna take any chances. Regardless, the “basic” three minute car wash is $12, which is highway robbery with a water hose. Plus it always makes me a nervous wreck. I do not like those things pulling me along and buffeting me with the wind and slapping at me with those giant rubber bands. Now they’ve added concert type lighting and it’s all very disorienting. Several years ago, right after I got my car, I went over there and there wasn’t an attendant in sight. I thought if I just eased my way into the tunnel the magic would begin but it never did and so I came out and circled around to the then-present employees. They were amazed at my stupidity but trying not to be obvious about it, which I appreciated. They didn’t refund my money but they did provide me more instruction and I left with a sparkly clean car. I couldn’t help my ignorance. Patsy hadn’t had but one automatic bath in 18 years and it was straight out of a Baxter Black story, complete with dog food and baler twine. I am not up to date on all this newfangled technology in the world of car washes. But I guess we’re even now. I thought it was very nice, especially since he didn’t know of the unfortunate incident from four or five years ago.

Speaking of dog food, I got that squared away on my lunch break, too. I’ve had to switch, which stresses me, but maybe it’ll be okay and the transition seamless. My sweet little saleslady, none other than the illustrious Lindsey Mae, instructed me to feed less or I’d have a mess. Always appreciated. But Chester feeds himself so I have my fingers crossed that it’ll all work out. I’ll transition slowly and pray for no accidents.

I saw a post today that said, in summary: “When I wish you a ‘happy new year’, I’m not expecting this to actually happen, for that is not possible- a year must be all things. Happiness must come and go, like the tides and the winds, just as sadness, and all the emotions in between. I’m really wishing you a baseline of peace and of gratitude. Because if you can sit with these things, happiness will thrive. When sadness does arrive, it will know its place in the mix. If you can nourish these things daily, you will also grow hope. And hope is the key. When I say ‘happy new year’ I’m really wishing you more happy days than sad days, more joy than misery, more laughter than tears and the wisdom to accept that they all belong. Happy new year, my friends. Happy new year. ~ Donna Ashworth (again, I took liberties to condense and primarily to delete unnecessary commas). I thought that was very accurate, Happy New Year is merely a wish that your year isn’t all gloom and doom and good things happen. Kinda like telling people “Have a good day”. I don’t expect it to be perfect, just for you to be able to manage any obstacles that arise. Some people take offense to it. It’s not an order, just a hope. And if you get mad about that, then perhaps some medication or an stress relieving activity may behoove you.

In an effort to appease my dear, devoted reader and retired director of dispatchers, he suggested the following topics, I believe mainly in jest, and also to illustrate how quickly his brain synapses. I look for it to short out soon if he keeps this up.

• Are charcuterie boards merely cutting boards put to alternative uses? And why the hell do we need another term for snack trays?
  ~ Well, sort of. I didn’t look up the history of how charcuterie came to be, but it makes sense that some woman short on time had been chopping and slicing and scraping to the side and when she took a moment to look, instead of scooping the vegetables and cheese from the cutting board to place in pretty, matching bowls, she found that a little tweaking could make it perfectly presentable where the cucumber slices lay. And a snooty pastime was born, all to make food look more appetizing. Like it wasn’t going to be eaten anyway. And we DON’T need another term for snack trays. See ritzy comment above. It’s humorous all us rednecks have embraced it. So it’s probably on the way out by now, and we’ll go back to cut glass bowls and silver trays, as our great-grandmothers intended.
• Why is blockchain even in our vocabulary?
  ~ It’s not in mine. I had to look it up. Then I realized it was sort of familiar to me, but I couldn’t have given you the definition if my life depended on it. And knowing Barry, I figured it was a slang term for some perverted sexual act that he’d picked up in emergency services, a career notorious for dirty-minded individuals. I’m sure tech savvy people use it regularly in their line of work. So there you go.
• Other than Ryan Seacrest who the hell was on Dick Clark’s New Year’s Eve Special, and why am I supposed to care about them? And why is it still Dick Clark’s when he has been dead for over a decade? Does anyone know that his middle name was Wagstaff? Why didn’t he name his show Guy Lombardo’s New Year’s Eve? His career lasted more than 50 years!
  ~ Uhhhh…..I don’t know any of this. We watched about two minutes of the final countdown and I was thinking “That guy looks like the guy from American Idol…he got old….oh yeah, we are old, so it probably is him.” but that’s as far as that particular train of thought went, because I started remembering the Friends episode where Ross and Monica got invited by Joey’s Australian hot dancer roommate (his words, not mine, to be clear) to be on Dick Clark’s Rockin’ Eve and they were so stoked but SO nerdy that they ended up on the bloopers/ outtakes. Which DID make me wonder if Dick Clark was still alive, and why the networks were still giving him top billing celebrity host status when he was clearly not trendy and hip. Is Ryan Seacrest still considered trendy and hip? Was he ever, really?? I don’t know any of these things, because I have never been trendy and hip, myself. Is WHOSE middle name Wagstaff? Ryan or Dick Clark? *googling* Ryan’s middle name is John. Of course it is. Wagstaff is a cute name for a dog. I’m assuming it was a family name, probably on his mother’s side. Mothers can be very influential when it comes to naming children, so I’m told. I have no opinions on Guy Lombardo. I googled him, classic violinist. Well, Barry, I’m guessing he just wasn’t as well known. We are a population of uncultured swine, as I am proving with my blog posts.
• When did “entrepreneur” start to mean someone without gainful employment? Who does an influencer influence and how? Is there a minimum amount of likes and followers?
  ~I think this “entrepreneur” business began in the last five years. Or maybe in the year of Covid, when it was the norm to quit your job because we may not have another precious moment to waste at a dead end job where you are under appreciated. That just sounds like life to me. Maybe my standards are too low, but I came by them honestly, while working a job where I was underpaid and definitely underappreciated for 13 or so years….But in my limited knowledge, didn’t entrepreneur {wow, I don’t think I’ve ever typed that before} use to describe one who was an inventor and trying to procure a patent or licensing? We would say “They’re between jobs” when they didn’t have a source of income. It used to be a noble thing to have a job that provided insurance and benefits. It feels like anymore you’re looked down upon because you’re actually reporting into a job at a desk with some degree of supervision. I guess those of us who are following this outdated form of employment will continue to support the entrepreneurs of today well into our hard won retirement. And that makes me sick. As far as the influencers go, I take that to mean these people who post reels of applying makeup, doing hair, dumping things out of cans and calling it cooking, and shopping (!!!!! YES, SERIOUSLY). Until very recently, my blog was set up for me to share links to Amazon of things I wanted to promote. I would have gotten like a half a cent on every dollar for anything purchased via one of my provided links. *Disclosure* I was never paid one red cent and they kicked me off their affiliate program two years in. Even though I, personally, had bought things via my website, and so had my husband at the time. So I guess companies pay these people who somehow achieved a level of stardom on the internet (YouTube, Instagram, and whatnot) to use their products. Kinda like a sponsorship in the sports world, I suppose. I don’t know if there’s a minimum follower count that companies look for. Pinterest showcased one of my boards one time and I got 20 thousand followers overnight and I felt a small measure of celebrity status. It wasn’t amazing at all, in my opinion. More like a migraine, what with all the spammers.
• Why do we need Starry? What was wrong with Sierra Mist?
  ~ More googling…I didn’t know this had happened. What was wrong with 7-up, for that matter? I have read to understand it is a Dr. Pepper product distributed by Pepsi, but hel-lo. Starry is a dumb name. But I suppose it’s in keeping with Sprite. Follow the “S’s”. I haven’t tried it. Hopefully it has real cane sugar. But my preferred is Coke, then water. If I don’t trust the water and they’re out of coke and Mountain Dew, then I might go with Sprite. Starry would be way down on my list, after sweet tea, beer, and wine.
  
  

In other news, I still need a tutor for WordPress. They don’t have a helpline, they have chat forums. Lots of times when I type my question into google or their search box on their site, I wind up with more questions. For instance, I’ve hunted for “how to make a drop cap” “how to change font size” and “how to change font color” today and have found myself on posts dating back ten years and now I realize I’m also missing a toolbar that I desperately need. This sucks.

One last funny thing and I’ll let you go. I was holding the door at the library for a lady who had her hands full. She makes a remark about how she was trying to switch hands and then, quite unexpectedly, “Do you like cabbage?”

This took me so by surprise that I answered her, “I do not,” when all actuality, I do, but only when someone else has prepared a dish for me. I did not want this woman pushing bushels of cabbage on me and insisting it makes the most wonderful kraut. Or coleslaw. Or cooked cabbage.

She returns, “You do or you don’t?” Kind of hostile and a bit exasperated.

“I do not,” I repeated, wondering if this would constitute as a lie in the big book of my sins. Especially now that she’s asked twice.

“You don’t???” She’s truly incredulous now, and I want to turn around and go back outside and get in my car and drive off the closest cliff. This is what I get for being nice and holding a door.

But I did get to see my dear friend Brenda on the way back down to the lobby after the meeting, so that made up for it. I took a selfie, but it’s unflattering, so I’m not sharing it.

And this concludes my entry for today. This would be exhausting if I didn’t enjoy it so much. 1847 words. Need to research what constitutes an article. (600-1500, with up to 3500 for a magazine article). And as Paul Harvey would say, “And now you know….the rest of the story.” *insert tinkly giggle here

Love From Appalachia,
~Amy