Last week, I sat in my office with a producer I’ve known for years. He had the best dog, a Border Collie named Bonnie.
She didn’t do anything beyond standard tricks, but she was always eager to go wherever Al went, trotting happily along beside him and hopping in the truck gracefully. She was a sweet girl and would lay at his feet while he consulted me about his order.
Bonnie passed away last year.
My client blinked back tears and called himself silly for still getting torn up about his beloved Bonnie. I assured him he wasn’t being ridiculous at all, as I brushed away tears of my own, and she wasn’t even my dog.
He wondered aloud how we can become so attached to a dog. “It didn’t use to be like this,” he said. “I mean, I had dogs growing up, and all my adult life, and they came and went, but this dog….and it’s not just me, it’s people everywhere. They don’t live outside anymore, they sleep in our beds! When did dogs become so important?”
I smiled. “I think I know.”
He waited.
I began. “Used to, people would visit. We had a whole lot more face-to-face interaction. When was the last time you went riding around visiting on a Sunday afternoon? When was the last time you had company that wasn’t prearranged? Or company at all, for that matter?” I gestured to my computer. “Now we rely on social media to stay in touch with friends and family instead of a spur of the moment get together or dropping by their house to say hello. Even our meetings for work have stopped being in person, and that’s only in part because of Covid. It’s expensive for businesses to pay for travel, and it’s hard to justify when we have Zoom and Skype. But who do we see every day? Our dogs. Who loves us unconditionally? Our dogs. Who is always happy to see us and never say anything negative? Our dogs.”
He agreed.
And you know, it’s true. When I don’t see people regularly, it’s kind of out of sight, out of mind. I like people better when I’m around them. The nuances are missed when they’re only a social media presence. And usually that’s a fake personality being presented, anyway. I prefer you warts and all, as my friend Rhonda says.
I guess what I’m trying to say is we need to actually spend time in one another’s presence, or in the very least a dreaded phone call or we lose that sparkle. I’m thankful that Uncle Dale lived just next door and we didn’t ever leave anything unsaid. There was nothing on the table that I wish I’d gotten around to saying, nothing that I was holding onto for a better time. My good friend Cynthia, at the Knoxville office, tells me all the time how much she loves me and values my friendship. I don’t get to see her much, but she makes a point of telling me what a good friend she believes me to be and how hard I make her laugh. I appreciate that, and I appreciate her. She says we have to tell one another how we feel, because tomorrow isn’t promised. It doesn’t leave me feeling unsettled when she says this , just at peace that we know.
Another thing that’s apparently gone by the wayside with my generation is greeting cards. Or any kind of mail, actually. I like sending Christmas cards, thank you cards, and post cards. Of course I don’t like to send sympathy or get well soon cards, but I try to. My age group simply doesn’t do that. The written word is extremely important to me. I had one “pen pal” that I see maybe twice a year and I’ve even let that go, just from negligence. I need to remedy that relationship.
I’m not one to let any grass grow on general topics, but I don’t often tell people how I feel about them (me and my hand signals in traffic are exempt). It’s hard for me to admit how much I care about people, I guess because a lot of them haven’t stuck around, so if they don’t know, there are no feelings damaged but mine. So if you get a text or call or an out of the blue visit soon, just know I value you. I’m not dying any more than the next person, but we just don’t ever know.
Xoxo
Postscript: I told Al to think of what a great life he gave Bonnie, and he corrected me saying, “No, she’s the one who gave me a great life.” AND YOU PEOPLE WONDER WHY I CRY ALL THE TIME