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Monthly Archives: April 2020
I’ve fallen super far behind on these writing prompts (shocker) but when I was looking at the topics this morning for ideas (I’ve got the itch again) this one jumped right out. I’m a great example of a person you would come to for precisely this kind of advice. “Hey Amy, what’s fun to do in Knoxville?” “Hey, Amy, if you had one day in Pigeon Forge, what would you do?” “Hey, Amy, whatd’ya think about ridin’ this horse?” But the monumental worst decision I tend to make is….”Yes! Cotton Eyed Joes sounds like a FANTASTIC IDEA!” It’s not. It never has been. And I’ve not even been in more than ten years, but it was a terrible idea then, too. Cotton Eyed Joes is a bad idea of catastrophic proportions. It sounds like fun, let your hair down a little, have some beers, laugh at some drunk folks trying to dance or ride the mechanical bull, and then…..then it’s two o’clock in the morning and you’ve had two fishbowls, nine beers, and a line of cocaine and you’re the drunk girl on the bull….or you’re hunting “the queer in the yellow vest” to go the hell home. See how it deteriorates? QUICKLY. And then you’ve gotta…
I do not stop for him I will not even pause But if he gives chase I will give him a smile over my shoulder I will flip my hair And arch my eyebrow And maddeningly For both he and I I will pretend that he’s the one Even though I know better And he should, too But I trust my name in his mouth And I love when he tells me little things It’s like Drops of nectar from a honeysuckle flower Never enough But sweet all the same What I offer him Is myself Uncensored Honest Bare I don’t know why But I don’t need a reason…
Day 2. Some place you are grateful for. Oh myyyyyyyyy. Right now I’m grateful for all the places. All the places I can go (home, work, Food City) and all the places I used to could go. (Yes, that was intended to sound redneck. Cause I AM.) I know. I’m grateful to Holston’s. Sevierville needed them so badly and we didn’t even know. We needed a sit down lunch spot on this side of town, without having to go plumb up to Pigeon Forge or getting out on 66. We needed a place that served good food for a reasonable price, nothing fancy and some different dishes from what Ruby Tuesday’s has had for a thousand years. We needed a place to gather for a relaxing drink after work and a good spot for little groups and still private enough for a dinner date. Holston’s remains virtually undiscovered by the tourists, so you’re bound to run into someone you know when you go. The waitstaff doesn’t have a huge amount of turnover, and so they learn your preferences on where you want to sit and your favorite libation. I always feel welcome and appreciated under their care. It seems like I’ve eaten there at least once with nearly everybody I know. It’s my go-to. I like their catfish and coleslaw better than anywhere. Any time someone is unfamiliar with…
Wouldn’t it be nice to remember things as you wished they happened, but not as the actually did? Well, one of the small joys of being a tortured writer, is that I can rewrite history to my liking and visit it at will. I’m not usually one to bide my time. I like carpe diem and all that jazz. Dessert first. Explosive. But that’s not always wise, as I’ve come to learn. I found out about the indiscretion through his own stupidity. Isn’t that how it goes? These cocky men, underestimating the intuition of the woman they’ve been sharing a life with. They also tend to underestimate our cunning vengeance, thinking we are much to sweet to react with such murderous contempt. And so, after I talked to my attorney and realized that, yet again, it had not served me well to be a self-sufficient woman for so long. Because I had always had a steady income, and the lodgings originated in my family, and we had no children, I would get little to nothing from the man who had so easily taken my trust and reputation and totally wrecked the illusion I had of our marriage. I decided I would get it all, anyway. And the sooner the better, because no doubt he was squandering every dime on that crack whore. It was coming up on my birthday, and of course I preferred to celebrate out…
You ever feel like enough is enough? As Gus says, “That. Is. E-NOUGH.” I can’t take one more quarantine post. Not one more. Whether it’s funny, political, informational, factual, or pure made up CRAP, I’m DONE. So. Here is my reprieve. And yours too, if you want it. Day One (too bad I’m not starting this on the first, but that’s just like me, a day late (or six, but who’s counting?) and a dollar short). Someone you are grateful for. Well, I’m grateful to a lot of people but in the spirit of keeping this light, I’m gonna be grateful to the writing team on the Greatest Sitcom Of All Time: FRIENDS. Bright/Kauffman/Crane. I mean, they’ve kept me going all these years, through good times and bad. You could always depend on them for a laugh a minute. Still, to this day, I will laugh out loud watching that show. And I’ve seen every episode at least three dozen times. It wasn’t always squeaky clean jokes, but it wasn’t nearly as raunchy as what’s on now and passes for comedy at prime time. Chandler, Rachel, Monica, Joey, Phoebe, and Ross keep me in stitches no matter what they were doing. And they did A LOT in ten years. They played endless games of foozball, got married, got divorced…
