Ugggghhh….. this makes my head hurt. I know what I want to say but it’s hard to put into words….words that I don’t care for other people to read, I suppose.

I don’t want to forget my marriage. And I don’t want to forget how it ended in divorce.

My marriage was good, until it wasn’t. I think anybody in my circle–make that my REALM–could attest to that, not exempting my ex-husband. We were happy. He was presented with a temptation, and because of who he is (self described scorpion), he took it and plunged his stinger into my delicate frog hide.

Here. Y’all don’t have any idea what I’m talking about. http://lifestylewithsophiab.com/2018/05/09/life-lesson-scorpion-frog/

But I still have those six years of near bliss, and knowing what it was like to be thoroughly and completely loved. Because he did. He did a fantastic job of it as long as he could, until he couldn’t anymore. So now I know not to trust someone who has changed. Look at what they always were, because that is what they will revert back to, what they always will be. But I know how I want to be treated, and that it is possible. And I also have one solid year of agony to reflect on, to remind myself of the cost.

And when I forget, I will remember how close I came to being a black dot in an ocean of pain in the months following our separation and ultimate divorce. I will remember the delusion and the half truths I told myself and anybody else who asked. And I will remember something else: how important it is to lean on your friends and family. To let them help you. I will remember how to console and what not to say from what I learned during that time. No marriage is the same. What it takes in one to work may not even be a factor in another. No two divorces are the same. There will usually be children to consider. I am extremely fortunate in that aspect. There is money and property. There’s a whole litany of things that have nothing to do with your emotions. So be kind to those people who are divorcing, whether they’ve been married six months or fifty years. I doubt any of them are easy. Even when it comes down to just being a relief, there is always pain. And a feeling of failure, no matter the level.

And I would do it all over again. Because I am a frog, and it is my nature.