Funny how when you have your own agenda for the way things are supposed to go nothing pans out, you are met with a million obstacles, and you feel like you’re just spinnin’ your wheels. But when you put the God driven things back at the top of your priorities list, your shoulders ease, your breathing deepens, and your mind lines back up.

And so it goes for me today.

I’ve been behind since I woke up. I honestly applied my makeup at work today. Speaking of that, I need to go get all my palettes and assorted arsenal of brushes from my bag, lest I find myself in the same boat in the morning (highly likely). ‘Scuse me.

Ok, I’m back. While I realize y’all would have no idea if I stepped away from my keyboard for five minutes or five hours, I feel telling you gives you a sense of personal….whatever. Call me crazy, but may I point out you’re still reading?

Alright. So I’m a pretty sorry Lent-er today. I’ve cussed, I’ve dwelt on stuff out of my control, I’ve rushed headlong into things, I’ve been short tempered and an actual pain in the ass to several people today. Worst of all, I’ve not prayed like I should have, like I promised I would.

Hey, y’all are my confessional. This may as well be my diary most days. I don’t keep much to myself.

And so today I would like to introduce you to my friend, Diane. A few of you know her from the library. She’s one of those ladies you can just tell are cool. Like, she looks like she’d be a really good cook. But not in the traditional sense. Like, the funky kind who makes Asian Fusion or Cuban food on a Wednesday as a sort of celebration for surviving half the work week. Her voice is sweet, like a songbird. She is always heading up Friends of the Library events and sends the most cheerful, energetic, informative emails. She reminds me a lot of my Aunt Bren. I feel like to know her is to love her. She doesn’t draw attention to herself in the slightest, but she’s always there with a smile and a warm hug. I look for her always.

So it astonished me when I got a message from her yesterday all but gushing her surprise and heartfelt joy that I was willing to pray for her. Of course I was! Why wouldn’t I be? She stated I was only the second person in her life to offer to do that. Not just this week. EVER. This is a lady who regularly attends church, and I imagine always has. She’s even a prayer warrior in her church! What does that say about us as Christians if we can’t pray for our good friends, or ask them what specific prayers they have? I pray for my girls daily, along with our leaders, soldiers, and lost souls, but I don’t ask them what I should pray for every day. I’m hoping this is the case with those closest to Diane. Even so, I am adding her to my “dailies”.

Miss Diane would like for me to pray that she could always see people the way God does. You know, all the good parts. I’m the WORST at judging people, so maybe she should just compare herself to me and she’d feel a whole lot better about herself! And I’ve never seen her be anything less than incredibly kind to anybody, but if she thinks there’s room for improvement, who am I to stand in the way?

Lord, I come to you (late) this evening to pray especially for another soul dear to me. I am so fortunate that I can call on you at any time for anything and you hear my prayers. You answered a big one for Rhonda just today! There are no coincidences, it is only through your grace that we are blessed. Tonight I ask for intercession for my dear friend Diane. She believes she can grow in your image and expand her heart to love equally and compassionately, and spread grace wherever she goes. I say “she believes” because I think she’s a fine example of a loving Christian, but she wants to be a brighter light, a lighthouse on the rocky shores of life. Place people in her orbit that need love, wisdom, and encouragement, Lord, and use her as your messenger and beacon for those suffering and struggling. I thank you for Diane and people like her for their selflessness and willingness to grow in your holy spirit. I pray that her children and grandchildren will always know how she strives to be the very best she can be, from her spiritual life that she walks with you, to an advocate for the library! I pray that they be as eager to please you and help those in need as she does. I pray for protection as she spreads your word, and may it always be received with ears that long to listen and hands to do good work. I pray for her family to support her and love her as she loves them, and her church family to step up as well. I thank you for placing her in my life, and always having a smile just for me. I bless your Holy name. Amen.

Of course, when Diane gave me her Lent request, it was something to benefit me, to build me up. Because she’s that way. Thinking of ways to help others. Like I need a bigger head. Me and my ego barely fit through the door as it is.

She asked me to list the ways I have been brave in my life. She said she doesn’t know me that well, but she believes I’m “one of the most courageous people I’ve ever met”.

I laughed out loud.

I told her she’d see that I’m actually a bit of a weenie. A guy I dated eons ago called me an oat mite, because they’re small and timid till you disregard them and then you find they are quite aggravating and persistent. Just like me 🙂 But my friend Cynthia said that about me, too, the first time she ever met me. Not that I was an oat mite, but that I wasn’t scared of anything. I was backing my little car between two great big pickup trucks at Mayfield Dairy, and looked at her in bewilderment. “What is there to be scared of?” Evidently, I give off a confident vibe upon initial contact. I’m really a big fat faker. I’m only fearless in my home element.

I’m racking my brain. Of course, my mind goes first to horses. I will ride anything. ANYTHING. Mom has pictures of me on some Olympian Percherons somewhere. I’ve ridden mules, thoroughbreds off the track, crazy Arabs, wide-eyed Saddlebreds, green Quarter Horse colts, padded Morgans bareback, and the worst: Appaloosas. They’re big and dumb, with the exception of my friend Jeannie’s. (“He’s alright….for an Ap” 😉 love you girl!) My uncle always put me on whatever nag he’d just acquired at the sale barn “to get a handle on ‘im”, which is code for “ride the buck out”. One of the biggest compliments I ever got (I’ve told this story a million times, but humor me once more) was when I was taking a Horsemanship class at Walters State. The owners of the stable had pulled this Arab out from pasture where he’d been living the high life for like, two years or something. A virtual eternity. One of the cowboys (looking at you Greg Miller, if you’re here, which I highly doubt. Maybe Elise is, though) rode him a few laps and brought him back around and dismounted. The instructor kinda cocked her eyebrow and was like, “Well, what do you think? Can we put the advanced class on him?”

Greg spit, tucked his chin at me, and said, “She can ride ‘im.”

And that was that.

I’m not scared, they’re just horses. Worst case, they’ll throw you. It’s not the end of the world. Usually it’s only your pride that gets hurt.

Hmm. I guess I’m brave for leaving a job I excelled at for thirteen years. Or maybe I’m dumb for staying that long. But I held my own against some of the snarliest people in the county. I stood up to contractors and highly educated men when it came to killing weeds, planting grass, and taking care of their animals. Red would say, “You beat all I’ve ever seen. You’ll tell them what they asked for, they’ll try to argue with you, and you’ll just rear back and say, ‘well, you do whatchu want to.'”

And I said, “And what to they do?”

“What you told them to do in the first place.”

That’s right. I heard several men mumble to their friend/ coworker/ family as they walked away, “I told you not to argue with her!”

Co-op definitely built character.

I guess I’m brave for quitting that time, throwing caution to the wind that my family would ever speak to me again, and running across the country with the rodeo cowboy. Looking back, that was….bold. I wouldn’t change it, though. I sure did get to see a lot of beautiful country, God’s creation of deserts, rocky beaches, snow in June, the Grand Canyon, and where the deer and the antelope play. I rode a four-wheeler alone for miles on over 10,000 acres. I slept in a haunted house and branded cattle. I peed in the middle of a frozen Nebraska road in the middle of the day because there was no store for miles. I shot a .338. I saw one of the last original One Armed Bandit performances at the Sisters rodeo. I witnessed the glory of Old Faithful. I slept through the night at an airport terminal in Salt Lake City and didn’t get mugged. I got as sunburned as I will ever get on Pensacola beach but climbed the bleachers that night. I saw Chris Ledoux at the Cody rodeo, and Joe Beaver rope in Santa Fe.

I’ve kicked cheating men out of my life; I’ve watched my dog be put to sleep. I’ve lost my Grandmother, my Dad, and many friends and extended family. You just have to keep on trucking. I’ve hiked eight miles in the back country alone, I’ve turned down three proposals. I’ve castrated pigs, calves, and one goat. I’ve ridden IN a horse trailer down Jones Cove, for educational purposes. FYI: don’t try this at home. I’ve been ostracised in my former workplace for months on end for exposing the truth of a well-liked, lying, stealing co-worker. I’ve stood up to a few bullying bosses in my time, when I could be pushed no further.

I’ve walked the streets of Vegas and San Antonio alone in the middle of the night. Stupidity? Maybe. I also rode the roller coaster on top of one of those hotels on the strip, alone. I’ve ridden many a roller coaster alone. I’ve done all my best stuff alone.

I was the first one in my family to go to college and get a degree (only an associates, but still). I drew a gun on what I thought was an intruder, but it was just Johnny coming back for his phone.

I’ve put up hay in the middle of August when there wasn’t a breeze to be bought. I’ve pulled calves and doctored horses crazy with rage and fear. I’ve swam naked in the Gulf of Mexico in broad daylight.

I’ve spent my life in glasses and with a head full of impossibly curly hair. That just sets you up for attacks. Buck up.

I have faith that things will just work out, because they have to. Life WILL go on. Philippians 4:13 “I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.” 
King James Version (KJV)

I’ve exposed my heart to a few. Men and women alike will kick your teeth in on that one.

I pour my guts out here for y’all to read almost every day. We’re supposed to keep our relationship with God a private matter, but that seems a little Presbyterian. What if I’m the only Bible some people ever read? (Lord help you!!!)

There’s a fine line between being brave and being stupid. And if you’re gonna be stupid, you better be tough. I don’t know if John Wayne or John Grisham said that, but whoever did was wise indeed.

God gave me the sense to protect myself and stay aware. Be compassionate, but don’t be a sucker. Be loyal, but don’t be a fool. Listen, but believe none of what you hear and half of what you see.

Thank you, Diane, for reminding me. Thank you for doing me the honor of letting me pray for you.

Lent. Finding blessings at every turn when you go looking for them.

Pray for us sinners.

Love from Appalachia,

Amy xoxo