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Daily Archives: February 19, 2019
Nothing was going as planned. If you know me, you’re probably surprised to learn I even HAVE a plan. I admit, my plan normally never stretches further than what I will be consuming for my three meals that day. But I sometimes will plan vacations months in advance, especially if it’s a new destination. I don’t want to miss anything in the event I can never return, so I like to have all my high points mapped and time allocated to enjoy them. I have enough to plan for in the course of a month between board meetings and bills, I don’t like to have to commit to much in between. I plan to go to bed between 10-11. I plan to get up by 6:30. I plan to stay at work until 4. You know. Plans. Plus all the plans I have for cleaning, writing, reading, watching TV, exercising. When you think about it, you’ve got your whole life planned out in this manner. If you’re married, you plan to see it through, growing old on a porch swing, watching your grandchildren frolic in the evening twilight, catching lightning bugs. Oh wait. I mean tapping on their tablet in front of your 60″ HD Smart TV. My plans rarely work out. I tend to over schedule myself and then panic halfway through my day when I’ve only accomplished the one thing. Nothing…
{WP#482. A scientist created a new animal today} Breaking: Houston, TX. Associated Press Herschel Barnes, PhD, of Bayloyre Genetics, has successfully created a new creature, a hybrid formed from a nine banded armadillo (Latin: Dasypus novemcinctus) and a black tailed jackrabbit (Latin: Lepus californicus). This is not a prank, coming from the age old play of the “jackalope”. It is unknown at this time how successful captive breeding will be, as armadillos can weigh upwards of 100 pounds, while jackrabbits are a modest seven. Dr. Barnes is reported to say, “I was just messing around, seeing what I could create. When the sperm and egg fused, it was a Friday afternoon and I didn’t go home until Monday.” They’re calling it “Armarabbit”. The creature can leap a measured 17 feet flat footed, and gains an additional twelve feet if given a running start. It rivals the Kangaroo Rat for distance in relation to body size. It features long, sinewy hind legs with two inch toenails. The front feet are largely useless, and almost completely covered with scales. The reduced ears give it more of a dinosaur appearance with tufts of hair on the underside and scales topside. We were unable to secure a picture, as the world-renowned scientist is keeping things under wraps until more is researched. It is an omnivore, preferring plants over grubworms and roadkill (this reporter does, too!). By and large nocturnal, the corporation has…
Wallyworld was closed when Chevy Chase finally managed to arrive, and so was the closest bar-be-cue joint by the time I got there. I breathed in slowly through my nose, like I was taught to do in yoga. It wasn’t the end of the world, this was a first world problem, but just what I wouldn’t do for some pulled pork and slaw. My one and only coworker had grated on my nerves all day, badmouthing our President and leaders, poking his nose in ALL of my business, pretending he knew me better than I knew myself. It’s a dang wonder I hadn’t thrown my stapler at him. On top of that, I had an appointment with my accountant after the grueling day at work. I despise doing adult things like that. If I never have to see another lawyer, doctor, or banker, that would be just fine by me. As a matter of fact, I decided on the spot, if I ever hit the lottery, they’d be the first people I’d do away with. As quick as I could get me a financial adviser nailed down (Monte B, I’m looking at you), the next person I’d hire would be someone to manage my other business. I would never have to schedule another appointment or ask questions about my money. I could literally just drift along on the high seas from the…
