I sat on a salt worn, splinter ridden, slate grey deck outside a restaurant in Newport Bay, Oregon. I ate a Cobb salad and couldn’t resist sharing with the sea lions scattered on the rocky beach below me. Tomato and bit of egg for me, lettuce for you. Cucumber drenched in ranch dressing for me….more lettuce for you. Between their barking and the squall of seagulls, the waves breaking onshore were nearly drowned out.

Perfect background noise for this dismal June day. Dismal only because it was June and June is supposed to be bright and just becoming uncomfortably hot. Not rainy and 50 degrees. But the Pacific Northwest isn’t known for enchanting weather. Majestic trees and rocky shorelines, yes.

And, of course, The Goonies.

I was supposed to be setting foot in Ireland right about now, but instead I was watching seals on a buoy a few hundred yards out. It wasn’t so bad. The temperature was probably about the same. Less bars and yuppier people, but that was okay too. I wasn’t in much of a mood for socializing. I wondered about the seals on the buoy. Did they swim out there, away from their counterparts for a bit of a break? Did they aim to stake out a claim on their own private real estate only to be accosted by “friends” who wanted company?

I’m glad I was alone on my deck in the overcast weather. I didn’t mind at all. Misery doesn’t always love company, you know. Watch the eyes.

Of course seals have those almond eyes and can’t really squint them at you. So maybe they can’t communicate their I-want-to-be-left-aloneness. But I wonder. And how many seals would have to pile on before it sank? I counted three, but there wasn’t room for any more.

Maybe the initial seal wanted company and encouraged its two comrades to swim out with him. Maybe he didn’t want to be alone. Maybe seals aren’t curmudgeons like me. I swear, people just need to Leave. Me. ALONE. If I don’t answer my phone, your texts, or a Facebook message, take a hint. I don’t want to talk to you. Especially if you’re asking a bunch of stupid questions. Or prying questions. Everybody seems to be freaking out back home since I just up and decided to move out here to the wilds. Well, that should tell them something, that I’ve moved away without warning and I’m not answering calls, texts, emails, or any other forms of communication. I just want to be left alone. I’m fiiiiiiiine.

The most persistent are the ones I was most desperate to escape.

Yeah, sea lions probably don’t feel that way. They seem to be of the herd mentality. Maybe they’ve never been left alone long enough to know they’d prefer it. And probably, if they traveled alone they wouldn’t attract as much attention from sharks and may have a shot at a longer life. How is that determined, anyway? “Hey, Helen. Noticed you’ve got a weak flipper. Care to take one for the team today?”

I don’t know. I’m out here, on my buoy, just wanting everyone to leave me alone and mind their own business. I’m not a seal. I’ll bare my teeth and squint my eyes and do more than bark if you try to join me without an invitation.

Get your own buoy.