Because I ate two containers of Mayfield Caramel Toffee Ice Cream in a week, I forced myself to spin on Monday.

Let’s begin with Friday, when my good friend Rhonda brought me some rice pudding. It had to be refrigerated, and it was one of them good ole Tennessee 60 degree January days, so when we made plans to meet for dinner I decided no harm would come to leaving it refrigerated at the office over the weekend.

But then, here comes Monday after my seven days of indulgence. I had to spin. It was still 60 degrees, so I thought, I’ll just swing back by the office afterwards and pick it up.

We had a new-to-me instructor Monday night, and she had a different way of going about getting us to achieve our goals. She wanted us to envision pedaling up a hill to our object of affection. The only person I could think of that I would really want to see was Peyton Manning, but I didn’t want him to meet me all out of breath and sweaty, so I just concentrated on barreling over whoever happened to be at the top of my mountain once I got there.

And I watched the time go right out the window
Trying to grab hold, trying not to watch
I wasted it all on the hands of the clock
But in the end no matter what I pretend
The journey is more important than the end or the start
And what it meant to me will eventually be
A memory of the time when I tried so hard
I tried so hard
And got so far
But in the end
It doesn’t even matter
One thing I don’t know how
It doesn’t even matter when you look at it now
Because when I designed this rhyme I was scared of it all
Scared to fall, I hadn’t even tried to crawl
And I was forced to run, with you mocking me
Stopping me, back stabbing me constantly ~Linkin Park

Some catchy music for our intense labor. So I huffed and I puffed and I achieved the limit with my RPM’s where they were supposed to be. I was as happy as I’ve ever been in the Room of Death. Usually it’s all I can do to remain upright.

Once class was mercifully over, I headed back over to the office. Huh. The cleaning people were here. Usually they come on Tuesday night, but I guess with the impending blizzard they decided to knock it out a day early. Smart.

I get to the door and I see that he hasn’t noticed me. I didn’t want to scare him, so I tentatively knocked. You know, mouselike to appear un-intimidating. He never looked up. I knocked a bit harder. Nothing. Then I see he’s wearing earbuds. Of course. I start waving, then try the door handle. It was unlocked. I push. The deadbolt is engaged. I have my key, but still I hesitate. He’s really gonna be freaked out when I come strolling in.

But I really wanted that rice pudding. All’s fair when it comes to food, in my book. So I unlock the door and step just inside, leaving the door open behind me. He’s in the kitchen now, with his back turned. I see he’s mopping.

Well, crap. Now I would feel bad asking him to fetch my container out of the fridge, thus messing up a spotless floor. And I certainly can’t march across it.

Sigh.

I ease back and slide out, carefully and soundlessly shutting the door behind me.

Another day without rice pudding.

I wonder if he ever saw me. I wonder if he thought he was crazy because he just KNEW he turned the lock.

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Wednesday. Spinning again because I’m fat and haven’t markedly slowed on the ice cream freight train. Kelly is back, which is a relief, because she has a better sense of humor than the other girl when I go to heckling and calling her a sadist. And I had a new friend join us! Very exciting.

Kelly entices us to push harder and faster by telling us to think of our reward. I’m sure many of the women were envisioning their skinny jeans, or a beach body. Me? I’m thinking about cheeseburgers and cheesecakes and french fries and, of course, ice cream.

I don’t like your little games
Don’t like your tilted stage
The role you made me play
Of the fool, no, I don’t like you
I don’t like your perfect crime
How you laugh when you lie
You said the gun was mine
Isn’t cool, no, I don’t like you (oh!)
But I got smarter, I got harder in the nick of time
Honey, I rose up from the dead, I do it all the time
I’ve got a list of names and yours is in red, underlined
I check it once, then I check it twice, oh!
Ooh, look what you made me do
Look what you made me do
Look what you just made me do
Look what you just made me
Ooh, look what you made me do
Look what you made me do
Look what you just made me do
Look what you just made me do
I don’t trust nobody and nobody trusts me
I’ll be the actress starring in your bad dreams
I don’t trust nobody and nobody trusts me
I’ll be the actress starring in your bad dreams
I don’t trust nobody and nobody trusts me
I’ll be the actress starring in your bad dreams
I don’t trust nobody and nobody trusts me
I’ll be the actress starring in your bad dreams   ~Taylor Swift

Some more jams. Usually we’re heavy in the eighties but not last night. No matter. I can save my breath for breathing, instead of singing. I’m sure everyone appreciated that. I’ve stopped wearing my glasses in class because they just annoy me sliding down my nose and I’m not about to wear one of those dorky things that keep them in place. I’m not that hard core. Yet. So most of the time, when we’re really gittin’ it, I duck my head and close my eyes and just try not to die. Closing my eyes sometimes causes me to lose my equilibrium when I look back up and it’s a thousand wonders I haven’t toppled off my bike. I wonder if they’re bolted to the concrete? Somehow I doubt it. But I hope I never fall off my bike, not because it would hurt like a mother but honestly because it would embarrass Baker to death and she would never show her face in there again. I can’t do that to her! She loves spin!

So I maintain. I push on.

And I keep eating ice cream.

Except last night, because I fell asleep writing I was so exhausted.

Come spin with me….said the spider to the fly.