November Writing Challenge, Day 3.

Clarity.

I gained the clarity of sight in fifth grade. I didn’t realize I was squinting, but one of my teachers did. Nobody in my family had connected my debilitating headaches to poor vision. But what a relief it was to be able to read road signs easily and distinguish cows from…well, blobs. The migranes disappeared, never to be repeated in my lifetime thus far. And believe it or not, I prefer myself with glasses even though so many people feel the need to tell me I’m so much prettier without them. These are the same people who like it when I have straightened hair. #sonotworthit

Shopping for glasses every year is both a blessing and a curse, as so much of my life is. It’s a blessing to be able to afford high quality lenses and the ability to have them so quickly and *almost* effortlessly, compared to many countries that have no availability to them at all. And the selection! It takes me forever to narrow it down to just a few pairs. I always make the saleslady pick, as I am a hopeless Gemini. But contacts are out of the question. I nearly have to be hog tied to get eye drops in (I’ve found rolling them off the side of my nose is almost endurable) and I can barely get an eyelash out without crying or melting down from an anxiety attack. It’s ridiculous! I’m not normal. I can’t bear to tell you about the “little puffs of air” glaucoma test. That is my own personal hell. Give me a pelvic exam any day over that torture. Beyond dealing with near constant specks and smudges, the only other bad thing about poor eyesight is keeping up with glasses. I’ve put them in the same place for forever before I go to sleep, but it’s more to do with jumping in bodies of water forgetting that you have on your viewing apparatus. Fortunately, I’ve never lost a pair. At $500 bucks a pop, I can’t afford to. Although, many years ago, I was late to work one morning hunting them. I had evidently driven home in my sunglasses and my regular glasses were discovered the next day in the floorboard of Patsy. Never did figure that one out.

I remember when math clicked, and telling time, and when I learn someone’s profession and it’s like, “Oh! That explains so much!” Or those life hacks links. Those are the very definition of clarity.

I gained clarity again as an adult, when I realized a college education will get you so far, but what is really valuable are the connections you make and the memories never to be repeated. I’ve gained clarity over and over again as I’ve stepped away from poisonous relationships, toxic friendships, and dead end jobs. Sometimes it takes stepping back to realize things aren’t going to get any better.

Right now it’s pretty clear that I’m not going to get much housework done today, but plenty of reading. The day is not clear, there’s fog drifting from last night’s rain and it has me in its melancholy grip. Nope, won’t be much accomplished today in this house.