I read an interesting post yesterday about not comparing your life to anyone else’s because Facebook is their highlight reel. I agree strongly with that statement.
However, let me tell y’all somethin’. You know as well as I do that I’ll tell just about anything. That’s how it is when you’re an aspiring writer. Not much is off limits. So here’s how today went:
Slept way too late for my own good. Still up because of it. Also because I chopped a red onion about an hour ago & my nose hasn’t stopped running & my eyes are still watering & no way can I go to sleep with all that goin’ on.
Started laundry. Ended up making three trips up & down stairs that my Fitbit didn’t recognize. I don’t know why it does that. To mock me? Grrrr.
Ate enormous bowl of Cocoa Puffs because I was too lazy to fix actual breakfast.
Watched a segment of Titanic. I started it Saturday. I’m not very far. I think the last thing I watched was where Rose is partying with the Irish down in steerage.
Got my book finished so I could have it back by the due date because my friend Brenda is waiting on it so she can read it & come to book club because I’ve been hounding her about it for months. It’s the only way to shut me up, you see.
Meant to take a picture of said book with my little note taking journal that I keep quotes in from books that aren’t mine because I can’t underline & scribble in borrowed books. The journal book complimented the cover of the library book swimmingly. Very pleasing to the eye, & I wanted to post it on Instagram but that’s not gonna happen because I forgot & turned it back in.
Was going to start taking down the Christmas tree but ended manically scribbling notes in journal mentioned above. Only got to page 130 before it was time to start getting ready for my board meeting. I had not showered or got out of my pajamas all day. Shut up. I’m being honest.
Hurriedly ate spinach dip so I wouldn’t starve at the meeting & over indulge on provided meal prior to meeting. Brush teeth, hoping to eliminate any stray spinach. That is the grossest thing to see.
Kept rubbing my eye. Something was irritating it but couldn’t see anything.
Attempt to fix hair in barrettes. Hair is wet, too heavy to cooperate. Eye continues to bug me.
Attempt to apply makeup. Eye has become all I can think about.
Stretch eyelids every which way. Finally see culprit– small eyelash lodged in far corner. I am blind (literally) without my glasses so you can imagine how that went. Honest to Pete, I was so desperate, I had my tweezers out, then remembered my neighbor had been shooting awhile ago & I thought if he shoots now, I will lose my eye. And you all know my luck.
If there is anything that brings more relief than getting a foreign object out of one’s eye, I don’t know what it is. Maybe getting a q-tip out of your ear (remember that? Lord.)
Remembered en route to Sevierville that I hadn’t paid my credit card statement that was due today. Scrabble around one handedly, blindly, staying in my lane whilst doing 60 to dig credit card out. Peer at typed numbers on back that seem to be shrinking every time I have to look at them. Mis-type them six times in phone before getting through to the right automated system. (Did you know if you type the # it won’t dial at all? You’re welcome)
Check messages in middle of meeting & realize with a surge of panic I have given everyone the WRONG DAY for a surprise party (this is no one y’all know, trust me). Frantically send texts to the people I have numbers for. They thought it was tomorrow, thanks to me, when it’s actually NEXT Wednesday. Guess that’s better than the other way around. None have responded. Of course.
Sat through an EXCEEDINGLY DRY video about budgeting after the meeting to get some sort of certificate trustees need to get by June 30th. I try to stay after the meeting every month to watch so #1) I have company for my misery, & #2) it’s the only time I will remember to do it. And #3) I don’t remember my log in, password, website, etcetera, etcetera to do it myself.
Learned about proton therapy as a bonus. If any of you–HEAVEN FORBID–get cancer you should really look into it.
Called Shug on way home. He didn’t answer. Got brightlighted all the way home by some moron who thought he was far enough back not to bother me. Or maybe he was just being a jackass, I’ll never know. He never dimmed them for oncoming traffic, either. Remembered we were out of bread & sour cream, so swung into Food City. Couldn’t park where I wanted because a dimwit was coming out the in (you know what I mean).
Got red onion to make bean dip. Saw Little Debbie Valentine Heart cakes (my favorite) so picked up a box of them. Grab bread. Tell myself not to forget the sour cream. Contemplating ham when Shug chooses to call me back. Squash bread as I cradle the phone to my ear. He tells me we’re out of coffee. Can’t have that. Detour to coffee while Johnny lists the ones he likes best (pretty much all of them). Pick up coffee, squashing bread further as he launches into a story about his cousin.
I am now out of hands & still needing to get sour cream. Cut Shug off as soon as I can. Pick up sour cream. One register with human scanning, three serve yourself. Surely I can find a number for an onion. Go to scan ham first.
Barcode greasy & worn partially away. Procrastinate & scan other items first, including onion. Throw look to associate, who turns head. Search for option to plug in barcode manually. No luck. Press no barcode button. Wait. Girl comes over & snatches up ham. Watch as she & other associate try to type it in. Nope. Realize she is deaf. She starts to sprint off but turns to ask me where it is. I tell her the best way I know how, hoping she can read the lips of a redneck. I make motion of swinging doors. She lights up & takes off.
People are lining up behind me now as another cashier closes two of the self serves. I try to make myself look contrite. Deaf girl reappears & has memorized the number to ham & plugs it in at the motherboard. Other chick continues to ignore me.
I pay & drive home without further incident.
It is eight o’clock & Johnny has not fixed himself supper. I drag out spinach dip (why I was out of sour cream), & ingredients for corn dip. I instruct him on where the leftover barbeque & buns can be located.
Get everything chopped, diced, & mixed, & settle down to Google some quotes from the book that I didn’t get to. It takes me to Goodreads. There are 600. About 3/4 of the way in, I hit like on one that I thought was obscure & cool that someone else appreciated it. Guess what happened? You got it, took me back out. Had to start over. Still didn’t get all of them I wanted.
And this, ladies & gentlemen, was my highlight reel. I’m off to bed now. Thanks for reading.
Do you feel robbed?
