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Monthly Archives: November 2015
I’m not doing the challenge provided (a family member you dislike) today. Instead, after prompting from the previous post, I’m going to tell you about the Puerto Rican on a Stick. My family used to be big. And even when it was big, we had more friends than we did family. I was quite old when I came to the realization that several members of my family weren’t family at all. Not by blood, not by marriage, not by nothin’ other than their proximity to us. One of these people is whom I lovingly refer to as the Puerto Rican on a Stick. I don’t know why I thought we were related. I guess because I always knew him. The story goes (what I can get out of anyone, at least) is that he became friends with my uncle Dale somehow, some way, back in the early 1970’s. He lived in New Orleans, so I don’t know how they met. He is very dark skinned, with jet black hair & eyes. Hence the “Puerto Rican”. But he’s not Puerto Rican. He’s Indian, I guess. I don’t honestly know. He had polio when he was very young, & now walks with canes attached to his forearms. Hence the “stick” part. Except to be correct, it should actually be sticks, but that’s not as funny…
I bought this apothecary jar a few days ago to replace the one I broke a month ago to use for this exact purpose: a home for our seashells from the seashore. It had to be super huge because we found some really nice intact shells this go-round. It’s about 12″ across. I have lots of these jars/ vases in smaller sizes around the house. Anyway, so Shug sees it sitting on the table the other night, empty. “You know what would look good in that glass jar thing?” “Ummm, sand & shells?” “No. A whoooooole bunch of peanut M&M’s.” And that, ladies & gentlemen, defines why straight men aren’t interior designers…
Day 22: Your Morning Routine Weekdays obviously vary from weekends. Weekdays I get up between 5:30-6. Pour a cup of coffee & settle down to read emails, texts from night before, notifications on Facebook. Glance at clock & wonder how it got to be 6:15. Kiss Shug goodbye. Think about getting dressed but decide a game of candy crush never hurt anybody. The next time I look up it’s twenty till seven. Hmm. Better not scroll Instagram. Pick out jewelry first, because that’s the best part, and determines what kind of attitude I will have that day (Sassy, always, but there are variations). Underthings, socks (also dependent on outfit), pants, top, shoes set by the door to go on very last thing because I hate shoes. Do I have time for breakfast? Yes. Soggy cocopuffs or AppleJacks usually. And a banana. If I take my lunch, this is when I’m grabbing the leftovers in the pyrex dish or the hot pockets & grapes. If I’m smart, I will take my shirt back off to brush teeth. If not, brush teeth & cuss for getting toothpaste down front of shirt. Dab at it & decide whether to roll with it (usually), add scarf, or change. Still need to make the bed. I fleetingly wonder why I bother, then remember that in the event of a home invasion & I’m shot & killed (not likely, as I am armed…
Day 20: Put your music player on shuffle & write the first three songs that play & what your initial thought is First one was “Kiss” by Prince, which I love. Reminds me of Pretty Woman, just like it does everybody else. She’s in the bathtub, with bubbles up to her ears, which are covered by headphones. She resembles a mermaid with all that wild red hair, & is singing her off-key heart out. #2 was “Me & God” by Josh Turner. I listened a moment, but it’s not my favorite, so I went on & got “Some Sweet Day” by Ray Ball, so I suppose I cheated, but hey, this is my story, amiright? #3 was “Loved By You” by Jewel, whom I consider a genius. I love just about everything she’s ever sung or written. She published a book of poetry several years ago & I have it. She recently came out with another one, which I have not yet acquired. She’s great. If y’all have never really listened to anything by her, give her a try. It’s been a fine music morning so far. I had it on 94.9’s Throwback on my way in & heard several good ones (Push It, Jessie’s Girl, Moulan Rouge, & When I Come Around). Yesterday is a different story. Perhaps y’all were wondering what the picture of the goat trail had to do with music. Well, I didn’t listen…
I Five Fears That You Have #1) Snakes. They are not to be joked around about. There is nothing funny about snakes. I have a million & one snake stories, the most famous one being the one that was hung in my porch that I thought was fake. I don’t have time to go into it, but that was a train wreck if there ever was one. #2) Cancer. If you’ve ever been around someone dying from it, it will be your fear as well. I’m not scared of dying, but I am scared of wasting away slowly & painfully. #3) Losing Shug. I don’t know why, but every time he doesn’t answer his phone I just know he’s hurt himself at work & nobody’s had time to call me. I used to not worry as much about him driving because a) he drives slower than turtles stampeding through peanut butter & b) he had the biggest truck in the fleet, but now they’ve downsized to half tons so I’m sure he’s dead in a ditch somewhere. #4) That our country (specifically, our President) is gonna get us all killed, or that we are going to be governed by a bunch of liberal radicals. Oh, wait. #5) That our house is going to burn down. Another one that’s basically unfounded. I’ve never personally known…
My social life is limited. I choose it to be so. It consists of Co-op, where I am the uncontested Social Butterfly Queen, Shug, short bursts of conversation with my bestie who lives in the middle of Nowhere, Tennessee, & the occasional text message. I might have lunch with Ashley once a quarter. And then there’s book club, which has been minimal, just me & Rhonda. Which is fine, ’cause like I told her this afternoon, we’re the best ones. Last month we had a quirky twenty year old materialize, & this month, although I invited SIX OF YOU, it was just us. And then a lady Miss Rhonda invited showed up, & then this other lady waltzed in towards the end. She contributed a lot to the conversation, surprisingly. I learned a WHOLE NEW REDNECK WORD. “Pillbilly”. She used to be a pharmacy assistant, & turns out, that’s common lingo in pharmaceutical circles. You just never know. So. Now, page two…
Day 18: Your Favorite Color & Why Pink is my signature color. It’s happy, it’s girly, it’s pretty. I’ve always loved pink. I prefer hot pink or coral, not pastel pink. I always get compliments when I wear it. I love the Palmer house in Charleston. And The Olde Pink House in Savannah. I wouldn’t have a problem living in a grand old pink mansion. “My cuhl-ahs are blush & bashful.” “Your CUHL-ahs are pink & pink.” “I have chosen two VERY distinct shades of pink, one is much deeper than the other.”…
Fire in the sky this morning. Thankfully, it was just from the sun (or Son) & not from missile strikes. Did I ever tell you about the first time I went to Nebraska? It was for an animal health trip, way back when in like, February of 2002, I think. Anyway, we were on our way back to the airport, riding along in the van before daylight, across all these cornfields & wheat fields. The sky began to lighten & I blinked like a rat coming out of hibernation. It looked like it was going to be something truly spectacular, with these streaks of pink threading through the darkness. I’d had a pretty late night the evening before, but I struggled awake, thinking “I don’t want to miss this.” So I battled fatigue & kept my eyes open & watched as more light blue filtered its way into the sky. I thought the outlines of the irrigation systems would be a stunning contrast against the brightening horizon. And then, suddenly, everything was drenched in white light & it was over. No magnificent blazing sky. Not much of nothing, really. It looked like the middle of the day. To say I was disappointed is an understatement. But at least East Tennessee knows how to do it right…
Day 17: A Quote You Try To Live By Well, there are several. I tried to find some scriptures that relate to how I strive for compassion and patience, but ran out of patience hunting them. So I went to my Pinterest quote board, aptly named “I Do Declare!”. Most of them don’t have an author noted, but here are a few that you can say I live by: Be a flamingo in a flock of pigeons Start each day like it’s your birthday Speak the truth even if your voice shakes {LOVE} Go ahead, underestimate me. Some days you have to create your own sunshine Be BOLD or italic never regular. And the one that’s been taped to my computer at work for years: All of us could learn a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism. ~Devon Stutzman That’s all I’ve got for you today…
I don’t understand the concept of entitlement. For example, commending someone for not stealing. Almost every day, someone comes to the counter to pay for some bolts. Some of them can get fairly expensive, as far as bolts go, & it never fails that someone says, “I could’ve stuck these in my pocket, you would have never known.” While that’s true, the Good Lord would know. And it’s wrong. I’m not going to thank you for not stealing. If you’ll steal a bolt, you’ll steal a car. I could set the Co-op on fire, too, but I choose not to do so. It’s wrong. What the heck?! 11-17-15 11:16 am…
