The Pig Saga
This post began January 5th, 2015, and finally came full circle months later when I realized I was waiting on the owner of the pigs, as I knew I eventually would.
“Have you seen those two big pigs down here? They’re up on the hill…in some chain link fence….” Yankee trails off as I squint my eyes at her, trying to determine if she just launched into this story or if there was a prelude that I hadn’t been tuned in for.
Rewind…replay….no.
“Which road???” I ask.
“Chapman Highway.”
Mighty long road. “Where at on Chapman?”
“Uhhhmmm…I can’t think….it’s up on a hill….there’s chain link around the property…” She’s vaguely gesturing with her right hand.
“What’s the closest business or road to it?”
“….I’m not sure….”
“Is it before Zion Hill or after?”
“After.”
“Is it before Sugarloaf Road or after, or do you even know where Sugarloaf is?”
“Yeah, it’s after.”
“Is it after the Wye?”
“No, it’s before.”
“Okay, so they’re between Sugarloaf & the Wye?”
“No. It’s if you’re leaving Sevierville, before you get to Sugarloaf.”
“I am so confused. Good thing I’m not a-dyin’ & you’re giving me directions to the hospital! I’d be circling Newport….Ok, so it’s on the right hand side of the road, before I get to Sugarloaf.”
“No, it’s on the left.”
“Ok, on the left, as I’m leaving Sevierville, look for the giant pigs on the hill before I get to Sugarloaf Road.”
“Yes.”
Then Tammy walks up.
“Have you seen those huge pigs down here on Chapman Highway?!?” Yankee asks her.
“Yes!!”
“Where are they?” I inquire, thinking I’ll finally get to the bottom of the mystery of the huge pigs.
“Where she said.”
ARE YOU KIDDING ME WITH THIS?!?!?
It’s like I’m in the twilight zone. Whitney’s like, “Yeah, good thing you’re not bleedin’ out…”
*****So, just now, I’m reading this back to Yankee to make sure I had it all accurate, & she says, “No, it’s before Zion Hill!”
Ohhhh myyy…..
We have now narrowed it down to Tarwater Stretch, but after Kennedy Auction Building, she thinks.
Maybe.
They’re most definitely on a steep hill. And in a yard.
Y’all look for mutant bacon on the hoof, is all I know.
**Giant Pig Update January 7th: It was daylight when I came through this morning, & I could see the chain link enclosure on the hill. No pigs visible, but there is a large yellow kayak in the yard where the pigs are supposedly located. Yankee says I’ve got the right place! My question is, do the pigs get in it & pretend to paddle away, like a porcine version of Gilligan’s Island?
It just gets weirder all the time.
It just gets weirder all the time.
***Giant Pig Update January 13th: I SAW THE PIGS!!!
They are indeed gargantuan. Therefore, they are hogs. They are gray & white in color.
They are indeed gargantuan. Therefore, they are hogs. They are gray & white in color.
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