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Monthly Archives: December 2014
I have been at work for just over an hour and all this has already transpired: A regular comes in and I ask if he’s ready for Christmas. “NEVER!” He goes on, “My wife asks me for the most impossible things! This year she asked for two feeder calves!” At this, he rolls his eyes. “All the feeder calves I’ve seen are going for like two THOUSAND dollars! So I get to messin’ around on the internet and I finally found ONE for three hundred and fifty dollars.” “Well, that’s good!” I chirp. “Yeah, but it took me half the day to find it and it was on the other side of Clinch Mountain so it took the other half of the day to go get it and bring it back. And he only had the one. While I was there, I bought a turkey. So I guess she’s getting a calf and a turkey for Christmas.” I’m hee-hawing. He continues, “Usually I ask her and she’ll come out with the most outrageous things. Like, ‘happiness!’. Give me a break. It’s always a major undertaking. And then I go to the trouble of getting it and she says, ‘Oh, I wish you hadn’t gotten…
So I met this girl the other night while at dinner with Johnny’s friends. I say girl but she was probably my age. Anyway, she doesn’t like cream cheese. This is incomprehensible to me. After she makes the statement, I sit there in shock for a minute and say, “I guess it’s an acquired taste. I didn’t like it till I realized it was in a lot of my favorite dishes. Do you not use it in casseroles?” “I don’t eat casseroles. People hide stuff in them. Like cream cheese.” I look at her husband. He shrugs like, “tell me about it. I’ve been trying to reason with her for years.” “It’s in a lot of desserts, too…do you not eat, like, cheese balls or anything?” I persist. “Nope.” This all came about because we were at a Japanese restaurant chowing down on sushi. Someone had offered her a portion of theirs and she turned it down because it had cream cheese in it. I’m thinking she lives a very limited existence and studying on all the wonderful things she is missing out on, and how she would probably starve at my house. “Gosh, I can’t imagine. I use cream cheese in lots of stuff. Like, I made lemon bars the other day and used a block.”…
Most of you know today as Pearl Harbor Day. To me, it will always be my Grandmother’s birthday as well. I could always remember it because it fell on a National day of remembrance. She has been gone a little over six years. I miss her, but not as much as I thought I would. My grandmother, a few of you know, was a bit of…how shall I say???…loose cannon? You’re a pistol growing up, and if you achieve adulthood & are still out there tenaciously fighting tooth and nail, you are a warrior. I can tell these stories now that she’s gone. She was married for awhile, but her husband was a bit of a spendthrift (among other things, I gather). Once, he came back to the house for a “chat” & she pulled a gun on him. He scoffed that it wasn’t loaded, and she shot the dirt from under his feet 25 feet away. That was the last time he visited. Oh, I know that .38 pistol well. I pulled it on Johnny one morning when I thought he was an intruder. Luckily, he was expecting it & came through the door hollering, “it’s me, baby, don’t shoot!” I reckon he’s always known me pretty well. I guess the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. She knew me better than anybody. I…
I dearly love Chick-fil-a. Really. Truly, madly, deeply. But they have massively screwed up with the addition of double drive thru lanes that merge. I sympathize with the pedestrians in the parking lot, as well. I shoulda went to Frank Allen’s and had a cheeseburger…
